My dad received two blood transfusions today (from a young Spanish woman he hoped - that is his humor). He is not doing much better. His body is weak and he is barely eating anything. Just a little pudding. The last time he had a sepsis/pneumonia last year, he felt better much sooner. But the long fight and the chemotherapy have weakened his body. He said to my mom today that he doesn't know whether he will wake up tomorrow.
I told my mom that she needed to tell me if she wanted me to come. She told me she was concerned about the long travel for Lilli, because it was so hard on me last time. I told her that this was because I was sick. She then promised me to tell me if she needs me.
I gave her a little book about angels for Mother's day. It is about how an Angel is there for you to consolidate you if you feel you can't go on. She really likes this book and brought it to the hospital today and was reading it while my dad was sleeping. At least it seems like she is drawing some strength out of this.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Another day
My dad received two blood transfusions today (from a young Spanish woman he hoped - that is his humor). He is not doing much better. His body is weak and he is barely eating anything. Just a little pudding. The last time he had a sepsis/pneumonia last year, he felt better much sooner. But the long fight and the chemotherapy have weakened his body. He said to my mom today that he doesn't know whether he will wake up tomorrow.
I told my mom that she needed to tell me if she wanted me to come. She told me she was concerned about the long travel for Lilli, because it was so hard on me last time. I told her that this was because I was sick. She then promised me to tell me if she needs me.
I gave her a little book about angels for Mother's day. It is about how an Angel is there for you to consolidate you if you feel you can't go on. She really likes this book and brought it to the hospital today and was reading it while my dad was sleeping. At least it seems like she is drawing some strength out of this.
I told my mom that she needed to tell me if she wanted me to come. She told me she was concerned about the long travel for Lilli, because it was so hard on me last time. I told her that this was because I was sick. She then promised me to tell me if she needs me.
I gave her a little book about angels for Mother's day. It is about how an Angel is there for you to consolidate you if you feel you can't go on. She really likes this book and brought it to the hospital today and was reading it while my dad was sleeping. At least it seems like she is drawing some strength out of this.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Update on my dad
Thank you so much for your prayers and thoughts. I can't tell you how much it means to me to have so many people praying for my dad and our family. When dh and I were praying last night, I felt like God was telling me that my dad will survive the night and that I shouldn't worry so much.
This morning I woke up really early and because of the time difference, I started calling my mom. Of course she wouldn't pick up the phone because she was in the hospital. I called my brother's cellphone. No answer. I ended up calling the hospital about a million times because the connection was cut off several times. Finally thanks Vonage I got through and ended up talking to a nurse. I was wondering whether she was going to be the one to tell me that my dad died last night.
Fortunately he has survived the night. It turns out he has pneumonia. Not a good thing to have if you are battling lung cancer at the same time. The doctor said that he is not doing very well. I didn't expect this to happen so fast. I haven't even talked to him a single time since I came back to Venezuela. I am so not ready to loose him.
This morning I woke up really early and because of the time difference, I started calling my mom. Of course she wouldn't pick up the phone because she was in the hospital. I called my brother's cellphone. No answer. I ended up calling the hospital about a million times because the connection was cut off several times. Finally thanks Vonage I got through and ended up talking to a nurse. I was wondering whether she was going to be the one to tell me that my dad died last night.
Fortunately he has survived the night. It turns out he has pneumonia. Not a good thing to have if you are battling lung cancer at the same time. The doctor said that he is not doing very well. I didn't expect this to happen so fast. I haven't even talked to him a single time since I came back to Venezuela. I am so not ready to loose him.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Prayers appreciated
Just got off the phone with my mom. My dad is in the hospital. He is septic. My mom and the doctor believe that he might not survive the night. I would appreciate any prayers.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
10 months post - a little late
Lilli turned 10 months on Sunday. We were at the beach for the weekend of Memorial Day. While it was a very basic place - we didn't have any fresh water supply in our lodge - we really enjoyed spending time as a family at the beach. Lilli had a great time. The first day she was a little frightened by the waves, but the two next days she just loved crawling around in the water, eating sand, spending time with Daddy, etc. It was just great. It was a two hour drive from Caracas, so not to bad either. Lilli ate all the food that they served us at the lodge. I felt like in heaven not having to cook for a couple of days.
Lilli's upper teeth are coming in. The right one is peeking through first. She can tolerate it o.k., but is a little more irritable than usual. She still is not walking by herself (except short distances), but I have a feeling that we are getting close. She seems to be getting safer in standing. She is smiling all the time at everybody, waving goodbye, blowing kisses. She is just supercute.
I also started working last week. The maid is watching Lilli while I am at work and I am only working part-time. This works really well, because it gives me a chance to get out of the house and talk to other adults. I will hire a nanny two days a week in addition, because I just got a second part-time job. It is nice to have an additional stream of income, even if it is very small...
A quick recap from my last post: that was the saddest birthday I ever had. I didn't get to talk to my Dad (he had tried calling while I was out and hasn't called since), and while I received tons of congratulations via email and facebook, I didn't get a single present. I had told dh before that the beach could be my birthday present. And it kind of was. The first night there he surprised me with a huge cake to share with everybody there. Very sweet. But I still had hoped for a little extra surprise: a facial, a haircut, pedicure, whatever... Women. Men will never understand us. When we say, we don't want anything does this not mean that you don't have to get us anything. It means you should still get us something as a little surprise. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it should be something we would enjoy...
Lilli's upper teeth are coming in. The right one is peeking through first. She can tolerate it o.k., but is a little more irritable than usual. She still is not walking by herself (except short distances), but I have a feeling that we are getting close. She seems to be getting safer in standing. She is smiling all the time at everybody, waving goodbye, blowing kisses. She is just supercute.
I also started working last week. The maid is watching Lilli while I am at work and I am only working part-time. This works really well, because it gives me a chance to get out of the house and talk to other adults. I will hire a nanny two days a week in addition, because I just got a second part-time job. It is nice to have an additional stream of income, even if it is very small...
A quick recap from my last post: that was the saddest birthday I ever had. I didn't get to talk to my Dad (he had tried calling while I was out and hasn't called since), and while I received tons of congratulations via email and facebook, I didn't get a single present. I had told dh before that the beach could be my birthday present. And it kind of was. The first night there he surprised me with a huge cake to share with everybody there. Very sweet. But I still had hoped for a little extra surprise: a facial, a haircut, pedicure, whatever... Women. Men will never understand us. When we say, we don't want anything does this not mean that you don't have to get us anything. It means you should still get us something as a little surprise. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it should be something we would enjoy...
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
5 years ago
It is my 35th birthday today. Five years ago I had a really big party at my parent's house. I had invited friends from all over the country to join us. We started on Friday night with a visit to a restaurant, had a guided tour through the city on Saturday morning and the party in the evening. On Sunday we had a farewell breakfast for everyone.
I was terrified of turning 30. I felt like an old woman and thought back to the days when I was 21. I only I could turn back time I thought back then. The fact that I wasn't married, made me sad.
When I was 16 I always thought by the time I am 25 I will be married with two children. The number 30 had something so threatening in my eyes.
In Northern Germany when you turn 30 as a woman and you aren't married you have to clean doorhandles. So my friends brought these doorhandles mounted on a piece of wood that were "dirty" with toothpaste and let me clean them. They gave me a headpiece and a cleaning lady dress. Whenever I had finished one they put more toothpaste on. It seemed like I was never going to be done. It was a lot of fun. I really enjoy thinking back now. I said to DH yesterday: five years ago we were so innocent. Little did we know about what was going to happen. Infertility hadn't kicked our asses back then. My dad didn't have his stroke. He didn't suffer from lung cancer. Life seemed so easy back then. We were happy and didn't worry about the future.
Here we go five years later: I am turning the corner for conception today. Everybody knows that trying to conceive when you are over 35 is more difficult and is considered high risk. Not that conception was ever easy for us, but I always thought at least I am under 35. Now that advantage point is gone. How I feel about it? The pain is still there, but having a child makes it a little more bearable. But if I could turn back time, I might turn it back five years.
I was terrified of turning 30. I felt like an old woman and thought back to the days when I was 21. I only I could turn back time I thought back then. The fact that I wasn't married, made me sad.
When I was 16 I always thought by the time I am 25 I will be married with two children. The number 30 had something so threatening in my eyes.
In Northern Germany when you turn 30 as a woman and you aren't married you have to clean doorhandles. So my friends brought these doorhandles mounted on a piece of wood that were "dirty" with toothpaste and let me clean them. They gave me a headpiece and a cleaning lady dress. Whenever I had finished one they put more toothpaste on. It seemed like I was never going to be done. It was a lot of fun. I really enjoy thinking back now. I said to DH yesterday: five years ago we were so innocent. Little did we know about what was going to happen. Infertility hadn't kicked our asses back then. My dad didn't have his stroke. He didn't suffer from lung cancer. Life seemed so easy back then. We were happy and didn't worry about the future.
Here we go five years later: I am turning the corner for conception today. Everybody knows that trying to conceive when you are over 35 is more difficult and is considered high risk. Not that conception was ever easy for us, but I always thought at least I am under 35. Now that advantage point is gone. How I feel about it? The pain is still there, but having a child makes it a little more bearable. But if I could turn back time, I might turn it back five years.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Unsolicited Advice
It has finally happened. At a happy hour last week this lady walked up to us and told us that she wanted to give us a recommendation. The shoes Lilli was wearing were bad for her and we should buy orthopedic shoes. She also recommended a brand. I know she didn't mean bad, but I felt like she was telling us we are bad parents for letting our daughter wear the wrong shoes.
For the record: I only had put shoes on her because she sometimes wants to walk (holding on to our hands) and I didn't want her to walk on the dirty floor barefoot. Usually she is not wearing any shoes at all because this is best. Of course I don't want her to get problems with her feet. Buying shoes for her is on the top of my priority list. But please Lady, give me a break... It is none of your business.
On Saturday we were at a birthday party. Lilli got up and walked through the room. Dh and I were just stunned.
We installed her big girl car seat yesterday. It is still facing backwards, but soon we will be able to turn it around. Lilli's long legs are kind of squeezed in right now.
For the record: I only had put shoes on her because she sometimes wants to walk (holding on to our hands) and I didn't want her to walk on the dirty floor barefoot. Usually she is not wearing any shoes at all because this is best. Of course I don't want her to get problems with her feet. Buying shoes for her is on the top of my priority list. But please Lady, give me a break... It is none of your business.
On Saturday we were at a birthday party. Lilli got up and walked through the room. Dh and I were just stunned.
We installed her big girl car seat yesterday. It is still facing backwards, but soon we will be able to turn it around. Lilli's long legs are kind of squeezed in right now.
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