Bad blogger

That is how I feel. This week I started being a full-time student and working only part-time. It has been really hard. I usually leave home around 8 a.m. and get home around 8 p.m. to eat and do homework. Fortunately it will just be for the next 4 months.

The good thing is that my hubby has taken over the kitchen. And he is doing a fantastic job at it. This week I had steak salad, macaroni and cheese, and turkey chili. And one night I had a frozen yogurt (he doesn't tell me the recipe) with strawberries and chocolate sauce. Dinner was ready when I got home. He is really spoiling me... Maybe he can continue to do this. He is a great chef with an huge amount of creativity. And the best: I have even lost some weight. Not a whole lot, but about 4 pounds. I don't know whether that is from his cooking skills or from the stress...

On Wednesday we had our intake meeting with the social worker of our out of state agency. It went well, but he told us that we are still at the beginning of the process. He asked us about how we feel about adoption, why we decided to adopt and how our families reacted to the news. He also wanted to know whether we would be open to any race (yes, we are) or for twins. I said that we would love twins and my hubby added that then each of us would get one....

I already sent a lot of paperwork to them and we are actually not missing that much any more. But our agency still has to release some documents to them and they haven't received our home study yet either.

We still need to work on our profile. Our birth parent letter has to be changed a little and we still need to put our pictures in a nice way (we only have a PDF so far). Hopefully we will get to that this week-end. Our homework package is waiting for us as well. I am currently reading the first book that we have to read. And in April we have signed up for our infant CPR class. But he is aware that we are moving in September and hopefully we will be able to adopt before then.

I still haven't heard from my dad yet. I called yesterday and he hadn't heard from the doctor. But he was in a good mood. He takes it as it comes. There is really not much more that he can do. Of course I asked Dr. Google about spitting or coughing blood and there are lots of possibilities for those symptoms - but cancer is the one I am really scared of. Please continue praying for him.

Concerned about my Dad and Easter

I am really concerned about my Dad's health. He had vocal cords cancer a little more than five years ago. Last week my brother told me that something was wrong with him, but he didn't really know what was wrong. I tried to call my parents, but somehow couldn't really talk to my Mom before Friday. It turns out, my dad is coughing blood. He saw a doctor last week and the doctor said that something is wrong, but she would like to take a closer look - after Easter. We don't really know yet whether it is a relapse of his cancer or something else. But the last days I have been so sad about it and cried a lot. My Dad has been through so much in the last couple of years. Surgeries for his knees, his elbow, cancer, a stroke, epileptical seizures,... How much more does he have to take? If you believe in God, please pray for my Dad. I don't even want to imagine what the news might be this week.

Our Easter has been more or less quiet. On Friday night we went to church and had some dinner afterwards. Saturday I was really lazy hanging out at home all day. Hubby was meeting an old friend who happened to be in town.

On Sunday we met some friends after church for brunch. Of course we didn't have a reservation. Note to self: Easter Sunday is a big brunch day for families. The hostess at the first place we went to told us we had to wait 1 hour to 1,5 hours. No, thank you. At the next place they didn't even take reservations any more, but they offered us some high tables at the bar. Which was o.k. for us. The place was empty when we arrived and I was surprised that they wouldn't just sit us at a table. But about 30 minutes later, the whole place was packed... Most of the people were of course families with tons of cute and cuter children. And then there were two pregnant - ready to pop - women. They looked radiant and amazing.

After brunch we played a round of mini-golf which was fun. I even tied with hubby which doesn't happen so often... After we got home we already had to get ready to leave again. We had a dinner invitation from friends. She is expecting a baby in August and has a cute 3-year-old toddler at home. His parents and grandma were there, too. We had a nice dinner and spent some quality time with them. I had a glass of wine and a glass of champagne and that seems to be my limit. Two drinks and I need to go to bed and sleep. Gone are those college days where I would drink a lot and party all night...

I started my language class today. That means I will be really busy in the next couple of months and might not be able to catch up as much as I would like with all of your blogs and not write as much as I would like to. But if there is anything major happening, especially on the adoption, be sure that you will be among the first ones to know...

No baby from Hawaii...

Two days ago I received one of those dreaded baby shower invitations for late in April. It is nice that people think about inviting me, but I don't really want to go. But I go to my other friend's baby shower in early April. How can I justify for myself that I go to one and not the other one. I know the woman not really well. We have met several times, they have been to our house for a party. But they have never invited us to their home. So I don't really consider her a close friend. I think one baby shower will be hard enough for me. So I will probably decline the invitation.

As I am a foreigner, will you Americans please explain me that the correct code of conduct is. Do I have to give a present? Or do I only have to give one when I am attending? I have no idea. In my country, we generally don't give presents before the baby is born.

Yesterday while I was cooking my evening dinner (curry risotto with pineapples and pork), I received a call from my hubby. The out of state agency had called him to let us know that the birth mother in Hawaii had chosen a family through a different lawyer. Was I disappointed? Yes, a little. But I hadn't gotten my hopes up to much anyway because I was terrified of being heartbroken. And I was terrified of how we could handle the cost of that situation and it happening so soon. So I was pretty much o.k. with it.

The agency said they will be in touch about other situations soon. We haven't even turned our homework package in. I haven't mailed the paperwork back. And they are already looking out for potential situations for us. That is great. Yesterday the second book for our homework package arrived. I finished reading "The Baby Whisperer" yesterday and started reading "Dear Birthmother".

Hubby came back yesterday from his trip. He got his dinner and was eating. I was reading the book and there was one letter from a birthmother to her child that was so loving and beautiful that I read it to hubby. After the letter I continued to read until he stopped me. I think I might have put a little too much pressure on him with my intention to get everything done. I am just so driven by the need to submit all the paperwork as soon as possible. We only have about 6 months left in country and I really would like to get it done as soon as possible. I don't know what happens when we go overseas and we weren't matched before. I am terrified of that thought. And the old fear comes back. Will we ever be parents?

No news on the birthmother front

We haven't heard anything from the birthmother in Hawaii. I wish I knew what this means. Has she made her decision? Is she still struggling? Did she not like our profile?

But in the meantime I fount out that the potential situation we heard of a couple of weeks ago has been resolved. The parents decided to keep the baby. At least we know what happened.

Our home study is nearly ready. The social worker has sent it to the agency and we will probably be able to read it next week. The agency unfortunately doesn't release the home study to us.

Next week will also be our telephone conversation with the social worker from the out f state agency. I have collected all the forms we need to send back. Hubby forgot to sign one and will do so when he comes back tomorrow. Hopefully he will also bring the family reference letter that we need. I hope that I can send out the forms on Thursday. I emailed our home study agency today to ask them to release some of our documents to the out of state agency. They will do that later this week. By the beginning of next week the out of state agency hopefully will have most of the paperwork.

We still will need to do an infant CPR class and do our home work package. I ordered the two books they require and one came yesterday in the mail, hopefully the other one will come soon. This week-end I hope we can work on the home work package. And figure out when and where we can do the CPR class and how we can finance the adoption.

In infertility hell!

Disclaimer: This is maybe too much information as I write about my cycle.

I know, I wrote in one of my previous posts that infertility is taking a backseat right now. That can change quick as I now know. It all started yesterday when I piled another load of laundry in the washer. I had this strange feeling that is always so familiar. AF is on her way. My last cycles have been kind of strange. The cycle before this one lasted only 21 days and this one 25. Something is wrong here. Also I don't have the usual strong flow, just when I go to the bathroom. Which is strange. I usually have a 28 day cycle with a lot of blood in the first couple of days. I wonder whether my hormone levels are somehow off. I don't really want to go to see a doctor.

Having AF come visit is probably one of the worst things that can happen to an infertile (except if you have PCOS, I guess then AF is really welcome). As if the pain wasn't enough, we had made dinner plans to go and meet with some friends and a very nice couple we had met in a restaurant recently. Did I mention that we were meeting the friend who is pregnant with twins?

When we got to the restaurant the other couple was already there and we started chatting. I had brought some adoption paperwork for our friends to sign, so I told the woman that we were adopting. She told me how they had tried to have children for five years and nothing ever happened. They eventually did IVF, because she has PCOS and have a three year old now. They did 6 IUIs and have a one year old as well. She knows the pain of infertility and could feel what I was going through. When our other friends arrived, the pregnant woman had a noticeable belly. She is very tiny and you wouldn't believe there were twins in there. She is already halfway through her pregnancy. We continued to chat about children and the first woman was going on and on. After like two hours or so I said that if she didn't stop now, I had to cry as I was about to burst out in tears at that moment. It was infertility hell for me. Having cycle day one and sitting between a pregnant with twins woman and a stay at home mom with two kids. It is not their fault. I should be happy for them.

It just is so hard sometimes. We meet fellow infertiles and are jealous when they were able to leave the island. Aren't they our sisters any more when they made it to the other side? Shouldn't their achievement give us hope? Hope that maybe one day infertility is history? I so hope for all infertiles on this earth that this day will come.

There is a discussion going on in the online community whether secondary infertility (after you already had a baby) is easier. Women with primary infertility claim that their pain is the worst. And I agree. We never get to experience carrying a pregnancy to term, feeling a baby grow inside us, getting the first soft kicks, waking up because the baby has hickups, experiencing to give birth, to hold your baby for the first time, seeing you or your partner in your baby's face. Women that have been blessed to experience that at least once are so lucky. But I can understand that secondary infertility is hard as well. Even if you have already a child.

We also worked on our adoption paperwork yesterday. I thought the paperchase was over after we had all the documents that we need for the home study. Turns out there is always more you can/should do.... But I feel like me made a lot of progress. I will copy everything tomorrow and then we will mail it in later this week.

Hubby is gone for a couple of days to spend some time with his family. I have to work, so I will wait patiently (?) until he returns home. It is so hard to let him go. I always worry about his safety. I miss him the second he drives away. I feel incomplete without him. He truly is my love and my best friend.

Letter to my body

Dear Body,

You should be my longest friend. You formed how I look before I was even born. I took you and my health for granted most of my life

I always assumed that if I wanted to get pregnant you would just perform and provide us with a healthy baby. I had anticipated for some reason that it might be a little difficult, but what did I know. When I stopped taking the BCP in 2003, I thought it would just happen one day. When it didn’t happen after we stopped using all other birth control, too, I tried to calculate when we should have sex.

When that didn’t happen, I went to see a doctor. She recommended a fertility expert. I made an appointment. But I still trusted you in one way or another.

When I started having this excruciating pain a few days after Christmas of 2005, I didn’t know what to make of it. First I hoped I was pregnant, but I realized that this was technically impossible. A couple of months later the doctor confirmed that I was having a cyst. I hoped you would resolve that cyst like you have done so many times before. But it didn’t happen.

In April of 2006 I decided to undergo surgery to take out that little cyst. Everything went fine and I was relieved. Unfortunately the doctor confirmed my suspicion of endometriosis. But a couple of days later, the pain came back and I had another cyst in the same area. I was stunned. Now I realize that it was your way of telling me that I should get out of that terrible job I had at that time. I got out of it and hoped now everything would be fine. But it wasn’t. The doctor put me in a temporary state of menopause and you were probably confused why I was having some of the symptoms of menopause with 32. You responded by giving me my first gray hair.

After the temporary menopause didn’t resolve the cyst, I had to undergo another surgery. This time I picked a different doctor to perform. After the surgery I was in Menopause for a few more months and I started with Acupuncture. You really seem to like that because you haven’t given me any more troubles with the endo. So I keep on doing it. And my acupuncture doctor has given me a medication that you seem to like, too. At least you haven’t given me any problems any more since then.

But our deepest desire for a baby was still there. The doctor recommended IVF. It is the most aggressive tool we could use to have a baby. And I trusted you. I trusted that IVF and you might become friends. After the first cycle came back negative, I was disappointed in you. But I also was still hopeful. I just wanted a little break of one month. The doctor put me on the BCP for my endo.

I don’t know what happened inside you then. What did you do with the pill? Did you just laugh at it? Did you or a single egg inside you decide to give us some hope? Were there some embryos still inside you and hanging out from our IVF cycle? I don’t know. I just know that my next blood test to start another cycle came back positive. But with a low beta which caused my first miscarriage. I was sad and hopeful at the same time. Maybe IVF would work the next time? Was that a sign? But you decided to grow crappy eggs the next cycle. So it didn’t work either. But the doctor recommended another cycle right ahead. So we went ahead and did another cycle. But you decided it was not the right time for one of these little embryos to stick either. You gave us an HCG level of 9 which was not good news. Turns out you can be a little pregnant. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but you played this mean little game with us and raised the HCG level with every doctor’s visit and our hopes. You doubled it like it is supposed to. But then, two days before my best friend’s wedding I started bleeding and I realized you didn’t accept this little subtenant either. The HCG level dropped and our hopes went down with it.

To make matters worse you decided to provide me with a high FSH level to show me that you didn’t like our aggressive approach. So we had to stop any treatment for a while. We had to stop anyway, because your reluctance to carry a pregnancy let us run out of money.

However in November of last year, we decided to try a cycle of IUI. We actually meant to try two cycles before changing our health insurance. But you weren’t cooperating the first cycle and provided another high FSH level. I understand that you don’t like aggressive approached and I accept it for now. It’s hard to give up the idea of ever having biological children. It would have been so nice to feel a baby grow inside me. But I understand that I need to move on.

We started the adoption process. You don’t have to do anything for that. You don’t have to grow a little baby inside you. Please keep me healthy. I promise I will take better care of myself and maybe even drag myself to the gym more often.

But can we have some kind of truce for now? I promise I won’t bother you for a while. I really would like to learn how to trust you again. We share so much. You have the scars from my surgeries on you and I have them on my soul. I even hope we can be friends some day.

Yoka

Home study approved and shown!

Sorry for not updating my blog yesterday. I really meant to do it, but then ended up rushing home and getting ready for the bible study group last night. We host it every two weeks, so I need to cook something and I didn't want to go shopping on Monday after our home visit.

The home visit went really well. She looked around our house and liked the picture in the future nursery (the previous owners did it).



We were then sitting down and talking about our ideas of parenting. She asked us how we wanted to discipline our children. I said that time out and the naughty chair might help us to do so. She mentioned a method called "1,2,3 magic" which seems to do wonders. It sounds great, so we might try that as well. At the end she told us that our home study is approved. Now she only needs to sit down and write it up. Which will take a couple of days. We can read our home study in the agency as they don't release it to families.

On Monday the second package from our out of state agency arrived as well. It looks like we have to sit down and do some paper work again. They have different requirements from our state. Our in state agency can release some of our information to them, but we need to get more information to them. And we need to do a CPR class. We also need a certificate from the Baby Care class we did last week-end. But we also need two family references. I asked my brother for one and we will ask my mother-in-law for the second. We also will need to do some home work. We need to read two books on adoption and answer some questions on those books.

I called the agency on Monday to ask some questions about the home work package and whether they could send us some examples of their parents profiles for us to look at. They said that they had mailed our profile for the birth parents to look at on Monday, so yesterday they must have taken a look at us. Will they like us? Will they like our profile? Will they like the birth parents letter we wrote? We don't really know what the birth parents are looking for. But we should know more by the end of this week...

We have reached two milestones. Our home study is approved (even if not ready yet) and we have been shown to the first birth parents. It is amazing how far we have come in such a short time. But in order to complete our application, we really need to get all the paperwork and home work, and class done, so we still have a long road ahead. But it is an exciting road.

And with everything that is going on right now, the pain of infertility is taking a back-seat right now. We are preparing for our son or daughter. Some agencies call this waiting time the "Paper Pregnancy". I really like that word. We are not pregnant, but we are preparing like any other couple that is expecting. We don't know what and when to expect, but we know that we kind of are expecting. And the best thing is: You can drink in a paper pregnancy. Not that I am big drinker, but I enjoyed my glass of red wine yesterday while I was watching "Supernanny" (I am just preparing...).

Today is the day...

Last Friday when I was on my way home I received a message on my voice mail from my hubby. The out of state agency had called him and asked him to send the pictures over so that we can be shown today. He wanted me to send the file to them, but I had already left the office.

Then our social worker called. She wanted to ask whether it would be o.k. for us if she brings along a new colleague to shadow her at our home visit tonight. I told her the whole story and my concerns about communication not working in the agency. She recommended I should call today.

When hubby came home, we compressed the file as much as possible and sent it again to the agency. I also left a message on the mailbox of the lady that had called hubby. He talked to her on Saturday and she said that she has received our file and that we were shown today to the birth parents. I don't even want to get excited about it, because I am concerned about being completely disappointed afterwards... So I just take it as it comes.

On Saturday we took our baby basics class for adoptive parents. They had a nurse and an adoptive mom teach the class. We learned basics on feeding, diapering, and bathing the baby, baby-proofing the house, and answering questions/comments from strangers. Most of the other couples were in the domestic program and one couple is adopting from South Korea. We were very surprised to learn that there are only 5 things you really need before baby comes home.

- Diapers
- Formula
- Feeding Bottles
- Clothes
- Car Seat

Everything else that you might need or want can be bought later. Once I saw that list, not having bought anything yet, doesn't seem so overwhelming anymore. Looks like we can get all of that stuff with one run to Target.

After the class we decided to buy the book: What to expect the first year.. Which was a big step for me. Because I didn't really want to get anything before we have a referral. But I guess I can at least read a little before I won't have time any more... We drove to the store, where we were strolling around the baby book aisle, when we ran into a colleague from my hubby and his family. I didn't want him to see the book, because I wanted to avoid being congratulated on being pregnant. I silently took the book behind my husbands back, so that the colleague wouldn't see it. And I kept hiding it behind my back. Have I mentioned it is a pretty heavy book?

Later we met another couple, where I know him from work. They asked us whether we had kids and I admitted that we were in the process of adoption and showed them the book from behind my back. It turns out the wife is also adopted... It is amazing how many people's lives have been touched by adoption in one way or another.

Yesterday we were working to get the house ready for tonight's home visit. For dinner we met two couples who are also in the process of adoption or thinking about it. It was good to discuss some of the issues and fears we all have.

So tonight is already our final interview and the home visit. It is amazing how a couple of weeks ago I thought we would never get here. Here we are and we even have a perspective. And now I feel like everything is moving so quick and I wonder whether we are ready...

But of course it ain't that easy...

I thought yesterday that it looked like we were close. Not so today. First, we had difficulties sending our huge PowerPoint presentation to the out-of-state-agency. It came back due to size. My husband resent the email without the PowerPoint. To be on the safe side we ended up faxing our application to the agency. But of course it didn't make any sense to fax the pictures as well.

I was trying to reach them all morning to figure out whether they had received our application. I had left a message and I finally got a call back from the lady I had spoken with before. She is in charge of the applications as far as I understand. She also wanted to set up a telephone conversation with the adoptive family social worker. The first appointment he had available was March 26. You guys can imagine how disappointed I was. She didn't say anything about the situation the founder of the agency had mentioned on Wednesday, so I was pretty sure she was not aware of the fact that we had talked to the founder (despite the fact that it was in our email/fax and of course the fax was addressed to the founder).

I told her to please show the founder our application as she was expecting it. She then agreed to put it in a file for her. I hope that this will happen. March 26th seems like a long time away... I hope that the founder will look for our application and present it to this birth mother. I just rely on the fact that it will happen.

Yesterday night when I went to the mailbox to get the mail, I received the invite to my friend A.'s baby shower. I normally dislike this invites. But this time, I was really happy. My friend A. is really sensitive about this whole issue. She has been wonderful. I wrote about her before. So I lift my ban on baby showers and will actually attend this one. I even bought already something from her registry and had it shipped to OUR house. Maybe after all I can ease up a little and accept the fact that I am infertile. I had lunch with her today. Her belly looks beautiful and has really popped. Her baby is due in May. She was super supportive. We were chatting about baby stuff. She has some books she recommends. I don't really want to buy anything before we have a referral as I am a little superstitious. But it is great to have her do some of the research and be able to rely on her for some things. She even volunteered to host a baby shower at her house for me after we get a referral. I might have my own baby shower. That is an overwhelming feeling.

My husband's interview last night went fine, too. He doesn't think our social worker will have concerns about us. Apart from the fact that I am an irrational, impulsive, impatient psycho, I mean....

Three interviews down, one more to go. The dreaded home visit. This means, we have a really busy week-end. We need to clean up a lot. I hate cleaning and dusting, but I guess I won't get around this time. Tomorrow we have the child care class. At least there won't be any pregnant women.

It sounds unbelievable, I know...

Sometimes things happen, when you least expect them to. God is really looking out for us. Remember that at the beginning of this week I wrote how I felt that we needed to do so much before we could be moving ahead and that my husband was so busy with work?

Last week we received an invitation to a child care class this week-end from our adoption agency we do the home study with. I definitely would like to do one as we have not really any experience in taking care of a newborn (apart from babysitting my godson when he was just six weeks old). The out of state adoption agency we would like to work with requires a childcare class and infant CPR. If you are also waiting to adopt, try to get that in as soon as possible. It is never bad to have taken those classes.

I didn't really want to go to a child care class with pregnant women around us. If we are the only ones that aren't pregnant, it might be hard for me. So I thought the class at our agency would be an excellent opportunity for us to do this in a safe environment with other hopeful adoptive parents. But I wanted to check with the out of state agency we would like to adopt with whether they would recognize that class. So I called after I got home yesterday (at least the time difference has something good to it). The lady I had talked with last week had left and I ended up talking to someone on the birth parent line. She asked me to call back today, but then she stopped. Then she said that the founder of the agency would like to talk to us in 15 minutes. I thought: "Wow, was an excellent opportunity to get all our questions answered!" So my husband and I had 15 minutes to prepare to get all our questions answered.

After 15 minutes we called. She answered our questions and asked us about our personal circumstances. It turns out they have two available situations she would like to present us to. One is a biracial baby and one is African-American. One is due this month, the other one next month.

We told her that we didn't have our profile set up and were still working on the birth parent letter. She said she needed our application information asap to release it to one of the attorneys they are working with. She was great and took a lot of time to talk to us.

Our questions are all answered and we feel very strongly that we would like to work with this agency. It is amazing which opportunities God is throwing our way. He really knows the desires of our heart.

We ended up working on our application and preparing a quick power point presentation with some pictures of us and emailed it last night. Can you believe this? We might become parents rather sooner than later. Our application was sent in and they will present us to these two birth mothers. I am terrified because we are not prepared yet. I will contact our agency to see whether I can still sign up for the child care class this week-end.

So, what are your best traits as a mother?

The meeting with the social worker went really well. I enjoy talking to her and she is great in helping you along the way.

She asked me about my relationships with my parent and brother. She also asked about how growing up was for me. I can tell you it was not easy. I didn't miss anything in a material sense. I missed spending time with my parents. I believe I have shared with you that I grew up on a farm in a rural area. We used to have dairy cows. My parents had to work a lot to make ends meet. They didn't have a lot of time available to spend with us. Even when we would have a meal as a family my parents would talk about their work most of the time. I now know that my parents really love me and care for me. But I didn't know that as a child. We never went on vacation with our parents. We went out to dinner maybe once a year (I am not kidding)! When we would take a road trip it was usually to visit my uncle who live about 50 miles away from us. My parents never really knew another life than work. Which is very sad. I would not want to live their life.

We talked for quite a while and then she asked me, what my best character traits as a mother would be. That is a really good question. I didn't really know what to say. But there is one thing for sure. This child will have so much love. Because we have so much love between us. I can't wait to share it with a child. I guess the child will also have a lot of fun. My husband and I love to laugh and we have so much fun together.

Tomorrow my husband will have his meeting with the social worker and on Monday we have our home visit. Time to start cleaning the house... I can't believe how fast we are getting ahead now. Our home study might be ready next week or the week after that. Wow!!!

I hope we can sit down this week-end and work on our profile and the questions we still have for the agency before we send in our application...

Today I met an old friend from Europe for lunch. When we were leaving the restaurant in China town a woman with a stroller on the street asked us something. I first thought she was looking for something and needed help, so I asked her what she had said. And she repeated that she needed some money for food. I was sad to hear that. Children should not have to grow up in circumstances where their mother needs to beg on the street. I pray that she overcomes the problems she might have and can provide a better future for her child.

I also was shocked about this. How can anyone do something like this to an innocent little baby? How can one human being do something like this to another? I pray for the baby who seems to be clinging on to his little life. I pray that God helps it to find a family to love it and help it overcome this horrible past.

Update before meeting with social worker

This week-end has been really busy. We have our house visit in a week and I started cleaning up already. The guest bedroom/hopefully future nursery looked like a war zone and needed some attention.

On Saturday we went to a seminar on going overseas for families. It was really weird. We were the only couple in the room that didn't have kids. Many parents brought their kids. We had to design a family crest with all the issues we are having with moving and when I presented ours, I had to come out and let people know that we didn't have kids yet, but we were in the process of adopting. Everybody reacted very positive to this announcement. People just asked where we were adoption from. One father told us that his son was adopted from El Salvador. The process took them two years.

I am a little frustrated right now that we are not going ahead in our decision making process. Last week we discussed that there were still some questions that my hubby had on the agency. I had hoped we would sit down and work on these questions, for example draft an email to the agency. But instead hubby had to work all day yesterday and didn't have time in the evening either... But we will get there. It just takes us some time. I guess it is important to make the right decision even if it takes a little longer...

There is still so much we need to take care of. We also have to work on our finances. Any ideas you guys have on financing an adoption will be highly appreciated. Living in the D.C. area is fine as long as you have two incomes. But our jobs don't pay as much as we need to pay for the adoption, loose my income, and transfer. Once we are overseas, we will be o.k. We basically just need to bridge the time until we go overseas.

I will start Spanish at the end of the month. I wonder how long I will be able to take the class before we actually adopt. I guess I can't bring a newborn to the class. But it may also take much longer, so I am just going on with my life. Business as usual. So I will continue to work and go to class in addition. I wonder how that is going to be. Right now, I feel like I don't get enough done in my job. Since I came back from Europe I have this feeling that I don't get everything done in time. Usually I never have any problems getting everything done. I spend usually part of my time surfing the internet and writing emails. But not recently. The time passes really fast and the day is over. I hope it is getting a little more quiet soon..

Now I have to head to my meeting with our social worker.