I am starting my little countdown now.
By now the agency has hopefully received our mail. Unfortunately we still haven't heard any updates. I find it frustrating not to hear anything. I don't expect an update every week. But it has been basically since April since we have been selected that we haven't heard anything except the fact that our file was submitted to the board and that we still needed to turn in some paperwork. If they are counseling her, what I would hope, I wonder why they are not able to give us any updates?
I just had one of those spontaneous moments and I just decided to call and ask. I talked to the person in charge and was promised an update on our situation today. So now I am very excited that we will hear more on our baby today. I wish they could send me some ultrasound pictures or something. That would make this baby and the fact that we might become his parents more real...
That was quick. I just received a call back. The birth father will be around this weekend and they will try to set up a conference call with us. If it doesn't work out we will do it only with the birthmom. WOW!!! We might finally get to talk to her... I am very excited about this opportunity, but also very anxious. What if I say something wrong? What if she doesn't like my accent? What if she changes her mind?
Showing posts with label adoption agency. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption agency. Show all posts
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
It sounds unbelievable, I know...
Sometimes things happen, when you least expect them to. God is really looking out for us. Remember that at the beginning of this week I wrote how I felt that we needed to do so much before we could be moving ahead and that my husband was so busy with work?
Last week we received an invitation to a child care class this week-end from our adoption agency we do the home study with. I definitely would like to do one as we have not really any experience in taking care of a newborn (apart from babysitting my godson when he was just six weeks old). The out of state adoption agency we would like to work with requires a childcare class and infant CPR. If you are also waiting to adopt, try to get that in as soon as possible. It is never bad to have taken those classes.
I didn't really want to go to a child care class with pregnant women around us. If we are the only ones that aren't pregnant, it might be hard for me. So I thought the class at our agency would be an excellent opportunity for us to do this in a safe environment with other hopeful adoptive parents. But I wanted to check with the out of state agency we would like to adopt with whether they would recognize that class. So I called after I got home yesterday (at least the time difference has something good to it). The lady I had talked with last week had left and I ended up talking to someone on the birth parent line. She asked me to call back today, but then she stopped. Then she said that the founder of the agency would like to talk to us in 15 minutes. I thought: "Wow, was an excellent opportunity to get all our questions answered!" So my husband and I had 15 minutes to prepare to get all our questions answered.
After 15 minutes we called. She answered our questions and asked us about our personal circumstances. It turns out they have two available situations she would like to present us to. One is a biracial baby and one is African-American. One is due this month, the other one next month.
We told her that we didn't have our profile set up and were still working on the birth parent letter. She said she needed our application information asap to release it to one of the attorneys they are working with. She was great and took a lot of time to talk to us.
Our questions are all answered and we feel very strongly that we would like to work with this agency. It is amazing which opportunities God is throwing our way. He really knows the desires of our heart.
We ended up working on our application and preparing a quick power point presentation with some pictures of us and emailed it last night. Can you believe this? We might become parents rather sooner than later. Our application was sent in and they will present us to these two birth mothers. I am terrified because we are not prepared yet. I will contact our agency to see whether I can still sign up for the child care class this week-end.
Last week we received an invitation to a child care class this week-end from our adoption agency we do the home study with. I definitely would like to do one as we have not really any experience in taking care of a newborn (apart from babysitting my godson when he was just six weeks old). The out of state adoption agency we would like to work with requires a childcare class and infant CPR. If you are also waiting to adopt, try to get that in as soon as possible. It is never bad to have taken those classes.
I didn't really want to go to a child care class with pregnant women around us. If we are the only ones that aren't pregnant, it might be hard for me. So I thought the class at our agency would be an excellent opportunity for us to do this in a safe environment with other hopeful adoptive parents. But I wanted to check with the out of state agency we would like to adopt with whether they would recognize that class. So I called after I got home yesterday (at least the time difference has something good to it). The lady I had talked with last week had left and I ended up talking to someone on the birth parent line. She asked me to call back today, but then she stopped. Then she said that the founder of the agency would like to talk to us in 15 minutes. I thought: "Wow, was an excellent opportunity to get all our questions answered!" So my husband and I had 15 minutes to prepare to get all our questions answered.
After 15 minutes we called. She answered our questions and asked us about our personal circumstances. It turns out they have two available situations she would like to present us to. One is a biracial baby and one is African-American. One is due this month, the other one next month.
We told her that we didn't have our profile set up and were still working on the birth parent letter. She said she needed our application information asap to release it to one of the attorneys they are working with. She was great and took a lot of time to talk to us.
Our questions are all answered and we feel very strongly that we would like to work with this agency. It is amazing which opportunities God is throwing our way. He really knows the desires of our heart.
We ended up working on our application and preparing a quick power point presentation with some pictures of us and emailed it last night. Can you believe this? We might become parents rather sooner than later. Our application was sent in and they will present us to these two birth mothers. I am terrified because we are not prepared yet. I will contact our agency to see whether I can still sign up for the child care class this week-end.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
I need to move on...
I just came off the phone with the adoption agency. Of course the social worker hasn't called us yet. So I called them. I also had sent them an email which she hasn't received. She will send me the information material for our profile so that we can start working on this at least. Something needs to be moving... I hope to work on the profile and scrapbook and Dear Birth parents letter this week-end.
She was really nice and told me that she will call our social worker and tell her to get going. Because the social workers work as contractors, she can't give me their phone numbers, but the social worker should give me her phone number once she calls.
I also talked with her about my fears about not being matched before we move. She said that I should ask the agency whether they have worked with military families before. Obviously the embassy can do the post-placement visits. That would be fantastic. That would be awesome!!! Now I only hope that someone will see the opportunities for our children and not the difficulties in us moving every couple of years.
I talked to my hubby about me contacting the agency last week. He told me that if I get frustrated with something or someone, it sometimes turns into aggression. He is right about that. I hate to admit it. But that is exactly how I felt last week. I sometimes get really aggressive at things and people. I don't really do anything to them, but I get so mad inside. It is a side that I don't like at all about me.
It is a long story, but when I first came to the US, I worked at a terrible place. I had been an office chief before and had people working for me. Then I came here and started working for a micro-managing boss. It was the worst workplace ever.
That is when I started having problems with endometriosis which I had never had before. This is why I blame my former boss and his wife for part of our fertility struggles. When I had the surgery to remove the cyst in April of 2006 and another cyst in May, I realized that this was my body telling me something. That I needed to find a new job and get out of there. Which I did, but they still are on my mind quite often when I think back or when I hear from other people about them. Terrible stories about their management skills. I realized that they still have a lot of power over me if I don't stop thinking about them in that negative way. I need to forgive them to move on with my life. But it is so hard. I prayed for them last week-end. I hope to continue to do so in the future. I hope to be able to forgive them one day.
Fortunately I found a new job after nine months, where I have a great boss and nice colleagues. So this is resolved. And I fortunately have the endometriosis under control with my medication. The only thing I haven't resolved yet, is my infertility. It is on my mind day in and day out. I think about it all the time. I hope one day, I can resolve that as well and just move on with my life.
She was really nice and told me that she will call our social worker and tell her to get going. Because the social workers work as contractors, she can't give me their phone numbers, but the social worker should give me her phone number once she calls.
I also talked with her about my fears about not being matched before we move. She said that I should ask the agency whether they have worked with military families before. Obviously the embassy can do the post-placement visits. That would be fantastic. That would be awesome!!! Now I only hope that someone will see the opportunities for our children and not the difficulties in us moving every couple of years.
I talked to my hubby about me contacting the agency last week. He told me that if I get frustrated with something or someone, it sometimes turns into aggression. He is right about that. I hate to admit it. But that is exactly how I felt last week. I sometimes get really aggressive at things and people. I don't really do anything to them, but I get so mad inside. It is a side that I don't like at all about me.
It is a long story, but when I first came to the US, I worked at a terrible place. I had been an office chief before and had people working for me. Then I came here and started working for a micro-managing boss. It was the worst workplace ever.
That is when I started having problems with endometriosis which I had never had before. This is why I blame my former boss and his wife for part of our fertility struggles. When I had the surgery to remove the cyst in April of 2006 and another cyst in May, I realized that this was my body telling me something. That I needed to find a new job and get out of there. Which I did, but they still are on my mind quite often when I think back or when I hear from other people about them. Terrible stories about their management skills. I realized that they still have a lot of power over me if I don't stop thinking about them in that negative way. I need to forgive them to move on with my life. But it is so hard. I prayed for them last week-end. I hope to continue to do so in the future. I hope to be able to forgive them one day.
Fortunately I found a new job after nine months, where I have a great boss and nice colleagues. So this is resolved. And I fortunately have the endometriosis under control with my medication. The only thing I haven't resolved yet, is my infertility. It is on my mind day in and day out. I think about it all the time. I hope one day, I can resolve that as well and just move on with my life.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
The waiting game...
Sorry for not updating you. I ended up hand-delivering the check to the lady in the adoption agency. So I took the metro in my lunch break and walked a couple of blocks. I thought she might not appreciate my effort and that I maybe should have called to announce it. But I only wanted to drop of the check, so I figured it would only take a second. I walked in the agency and asked for my case worker. The lady at the reception told me she was on the phone. But then she slipped her a note and my case worker came out. We talked for a short time and I handed her the check. DONE. Another thing to cross of the list. I also asked her, how long it is going to take until we hear from the social worker. She said I should call her, if I haven't heard from the social worker by Tuesday. That means, we are in the waiting game - again.
It feels like I spent the last 10 years of my life waiting.
First I was waiting for the right husband. Which took a freaking long time! We finally met in July of 2003. I was 29 at that time. That is when it all started. After I was sure he was the right man for me, I was waiting. For his proposal. It happened pretty quick in June of 2004.
After our wedding in October of 2004, I was waiting for our church wedding until trying to conceive. Well, actually my husband did. We disagreed on it, but because marriage is about compromise, I was willing to wait. Then after the church wedding in July of 2005, I was waiting for conception to take place naturally. That didn't happen. Instead I got a cyst in December of 2005. Then I was waiting for the cyst to disappear by its own. Of course that didn't happen, so I was waiting for the surgery in April of 2005. After the surgery, we had decided to try to conceive on our own for a couple of months. So I was waiting again. Then I had another cyst in May of 2006. We tried to get that under control with Lupron and I waiting for my temporary menopause to be over. Then that didn't work. So I was waiting again. For my next surgery.
After the surgery in October of 2006, I was waiting for my health insurance to start in January of 2007. You guess right, that didn't happen. The insurance screwed up, so I had to wait until February 2007. Then we finally started the first IVF cycle. I had to wait for the medications to work. I had to wait for the retrieval. I had to wait for the transfer. Then I was in the two-week-wait for the result in March of 2007. When the cycle failed and we had our first bitter negative, I wanted to wait a month before starting another cycle. Then we conceived naturally and I had to wait for more blood results. When they confirmed an impending miscarriage in April 2007, I had to wait again. For the miscarriage to take place. After the miscarriage, I was waiting for another cycle to start in May 2007. When we finally were ready for that, I had to wait for more medications to work, another retrieval and transfer and for another negative after two weeks. After that, we decided to start an immediate new cycle in June of 2007. Another wait for more medications to work, another retrieval and transfer and for a low positive beta after the two week wait. Then we waited for more blood tests. And for a rising beta. Which happened first. Then we waited for another blood test and received a falling beta. So we had to wait again. For another miscarriage to take place in July of 2007.
After that, we decided to move on to adoption. So we waited. First for the information material to arrive in our mail box. Then for the information meeting to take place. Then we finally decided on an agency. Then we filled out the application in October of 2007. And we waited for the pre-adoption group to take place in December of 2007. We waited for the intake meeting at the agency. They wouldn't want to let us come in while in fertility treatment. Parallel we did a last try in assisted conception - an IUI cycle. So we waited for the medications to work again. For the IUI. Another two week wait. For nothing. Then I waited for the day three blood work to come back. With a FSH level, that indicated that we needed to wait. AGAIN.
Then we waited for the intake meeting at the agency to be scheduled. Then we waited for all our paperwork to be completed. Then for our reference letters and our FBI clearances. Then we were waiting to be matched with a social worker. And now we are waiting for her to call.
Is anybody with me here that I have done my fair share of waiting? I am Mrs. Inpatient. I want things to happen. Now. I don't want to wait until she decides she has some time to finally think about calling us. Maybe next week...
If you believe in God and you pray: Please pray for the social worker to call soon. Please pray for our baby which may be growing inside another woman's womb somewhere in this country at this moment. Please pray for his/her mother and her health. And last, but not least: Please pray for patience for me.
It feels like I spent the last 10 years of my life waiting.
First I was waiting for the right husband. Which took a freaking long time! We finally met in July of 2003. I was 29 at that time. That is when it all started. After I was sure he was the right man for me, I was waiting. For his proposal. It happened pretty quick in June of 2004.
After our wedding in October of 2004, I was waiting for our church wedding until trying to conceive. Well, actually my husband did. We disagreed on it, but because marriage is about compromise, I was willing to wait. Then after the church wedding in July of 2005, I was waiting for conception to take place naturally. That didn't happen. Instead I got a cyst in December of 2005. Then I was waiting for the cyst to disappear by its own. Of course that didn't happen, so I was waiting for the surgery in April of 2005. After the surgery, we had decided to try to conceive on our own for a couple of months. So I was waiting again. Then I had another cyst in May of 2006. We tried to get that under control with Lupron and I waiting for my temporary menopause to be over. Then that didn't work. So I was waiting again. For my next surgery.
After the surgery in October of 2006, I was waiting for my health insurance to start in January of 2007. You guess right, that didn't happen. The insurance screwed up, so I had to wait until February 2007. Then we finally started the first IVF cycle. I had to wait for the medications to work. I had to wait for the retrieval. I had to wait for the transfer. Then I was in the two-week-wait for the result in March of 2007. When the cycle failed and we had our first bitter negative, I wanted to wait a month before starting another cycle. Then we conceived naturally and I had to wait for more blood results. When they confirmed an impending miscarriage in April 2007, I had to wait again. For the miscarriage to take place. After the miscarriage, I was waiting for another cycle to start in May 2007. When we finally were ready for that, I had to wait for more medications to work, another retrieval and transfer and for another negative after two weeks. After that, we decided to start an immediate new cycle in June of 2007. Another wait for more medications to work, another retrieval and transfer and for a low positive beta after the two week wait. Then we waited for more blood tests. And for a rising beta. Which happened first. Then we waited for another blood test and received a falling beta. So we had to wait again. For another miscarriage to take place in July of 2007.
After that, we decided to move on to adoption. So we waited. First for the information material to arrive in our mail box. Then for the information meeting to take place. Then we finally decided on an agency. Then we filled out the application in October of 2007. And we waited for the pre-adoption group to take place in December of 2007. We waited for the intake meeting at the agency. They wouldn't want to let us come in while in fertility treatment. Parallel we did a last try in assisted conception - an IUI cycle. So we waited for the medications to work again. For the IUI. Another two week wait. For nothing. Then I waited for the day three blood work to come back. With a FSH level, that indicated that we needed to wait. AGAIN.
Then we waited for the intake meeting at the agency to be scheduled. Then we waited for all our paperwork to be completed. Then for our reference letters and our FBI clearances. Then we were waiting to be matched with a social worker. And now we are waiting for her to call.
Is anybody with me here that I have done my fair share of waiting? I am Mrs. Inpatient. I want things to happen. Now. I don't want to wait until she decides she has some time to finally think about calling us. Maybe next week...
If you believe in God and you pray: Please pray for the social worker to call soon. Please pray for our baby which may be growing inside another woman's womb somewhere in this country at this moment. Please pray for his/her mother and her health. And last, but not least: Please pray for patience for me.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
We finally got assigned a social worker!!!
First of all, let me tell you about our week-end. Picked up hubby on Friday with a three course candlelight dinner waiting for him. I made him put a blindfold on his eyes. He got sick in the car. Not exactly the reaction I had hoped for... I didn't tell him where we were going and drove around our neighborhood a little to distract him. He still knew for some reason that we were home. I didn't want him to see that I had finally gotten rid of our Christmas tree who had been sadly waiting to be emptied of all the Christmas ornaments and candles for a couple of week now. Hubby is always busy and never seems to have time to do it. And I was just sick of seeing the tree standing there and ended up doing it alone. I ended up asking one of our neighbors to carry the tree down our stairs for me. Which he did.
On Saturday, we sorted through some papers. I finally managed to clean out our guest bedroom/hopefully future nursery. On Sunday I went food shopping and got our mail. Hubby finished some projects in the house like putting up an ipod radio we have received from his brother and sister in law for Christmas. No, not last Christmas. Christmas of 2006!!! And yesterday we went skiing. We drove all the way to Pennsylvania for a little snow. And had a fantastic time. Skiing is the only sport where I am actually better than hubby. We didn't go skiing for the last three years, so that was a special treat, even if it was just for one day.
And today, I called the adoption agency again. I am sure I made it already on their "the most annoying clients we have ever had" list.
I haven't shared this with you yet, but last week when I called again to find out what was happening and why we were not making any progress they told me that our reference letters had to arrive first. I thought we were waiting for the FBI clearances, but it turns out that none of our reference letters had made it back to the agency yet. And before they didn't have those they couldn't assign us to a social worker. I didn't understand how this was possible as our friends had told us they were taking care of it. Great! I ended up sending an email out to all of our references and calling in addition to make sure that they understood which priority this had for us. And that they were holding up our journey to parenthood.
It seems to have worked because when I called today, the lady actually told me the name of our social worker. But we first have to mail in the check of $1500 before she can contact us. Great. I could have done this last week if they would have told me. I find it frustrating that they don't tell me this things before so that I can go ahead and do everything from our side to advance this process. I will be traveling to Europe in February for two weeks and I would like to have done as much as possible before then. I don't want to waste time. We don't have any time to waste.
And there is still this nagging fear that we won't be successful to adopt before we leave the country. It is kind of hard to explain to a birth mother why she should give us her baby if we will take it out of the country in a couple of months...
I don't know what happens then.
On Saturday, we sorted through some papers. I finally managed to clean out our guest bedroom/hopefully future nursery. On Sunday I went food shopping and got our mail. Hubby finished some projects in the house like putting up an ipod radio we have received from his brother and sister in law for Christmas. No, not last Christmas. Christmas of 2006!!! And yesterday we went skiing. We drove all the way to Pennsylvania for a little snow. And had a fantastic time. Skiing is the only sport where I am actually better than hubby. We didn't go skiing for the last three years, so that was a special treat, even if it was just for one day.
And today, I called the adoption agency again. I am sure I made it already on their "the most annoying clients we have ever had" list.
I haven't shared this with you yet, but last week when I called again to find out what was happening and why we were not making any progress they told me that our reference letters had to arrive first. I thought we were waiting for the FBI clearances, but it turns out that none of our reference letters had made it back to the agency yet. And before they didn't have those they couldn't assign us to a social worker. I didn't understand how this was possible as our friends had told us they were taking care of it. Great! I ended up sending an email out to all of our references and calling in addition to make sure that they understood which priority this had for us. And that they were holding up our journey to parenthood.
It seems to have worked because when I called today, the lady actually told me the name of our social worker. But we first have to mail in the check of $1500 before she can contact us. Great. I could have done this last week if they would have told me. I find it frustrating that they don't tell me this things before so that I can go ahead and do everything from our side to advance this process. I will be traveling to Europe in February for two weeks and I would like to have done as much as possible before then. I don't want to waste time. We don't have any time to waste.
And there is still this nagging fear that we won't be successful to adopt before we leave the country. It is kind of hard to explain to a birth mother why she should give us her baby if we will take it out of the country in a couple of months...
I don't know what happens then.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
The loss of a biological child
I just called the adoption agency. They have all our paperwork except the guardianship agreement and the driving record which should be in the mail today. Our caseworker has sent out the clearances last week and they usually take 4 weeks to come back.
They also mailed out the reference letters to our friends. I already received an email from one of our friends that they had received the letter from the agency and will draft something.
Then they will assign us a social worker to complete our home study. Once we have been assigned the social worker, the process takes usually 4-6 weeks, but it can go even faster. At this point it can't go fast enough for us.
While I realize that we might end up having an adopted child, it means also that we might never have biological children. We haven't really completely given up hope yet. But I am not getting any younger and I will be turning 34 this year. It would be a big surprise if we would actually end up having a biological child.
I have nearly given up the dream of conceiving naturally in bed like so many of our friends. I have learned to live with the fact that whether we have biological children or not might be determined by our finances. Our only chance of having biological children might be IVF to maximize our chances. And we don't have the resources to continue pursuing fertility treatments every month. My high FSH level is another reason that makes it less likely to happen. My body doesn't seem to want to cooperate with our dreams.
Since I was a little girl, I dreamed about having a family with children. I was looking forward to seeing that positive pregnancy test on the bathroom counter. I was wondering how I would tell my husband that we are expecting a baby. And my parents. I was looking forward to feeling a baby grow inside me. I was looking forward to the first ultrasound. I was looking forward to the first time I could feel our baby move inside me. My husband has this beautiful smile and I always was looking forward to seeing that smile in our children. I was wondering which traits they might have from whom of us. I might never experience this.
It also means the end of the genealogical line of our family which is particularly hard for my parents. While they will be thrilled to have finally a grandchild, they will have to realize that their gens won't be given to the next generation.
Our children will have different parents that will be connected to our family forever. Another woman will experience the first ultrasound and the first movements of our baby. And I won't be there for the first ultrasound. I won't feel it kicking. And I won't be able to protect our child for the first nine months before it is born.
I am grieving for that loss. And I understand it is a normal process. But it still hurts like hell.
They also mailed out the reference letters to our friends. I already received an email from one of our friends that they had received the letter from the agency and will draft something.
Then they will assign us a social worker to complete our home study. Once we have been assigned the social worker, the process takes usually 4-6 weeks, but it can go even faster. At this point it can't go fast enough for us.
While I realize that we might end up having an adopted child, it means also that we might never have biological children. We haven't really completely given up hope yet. But I am not getting any younger and I will be turning 34 this year. It would be a big surprise if we would actually end up having a biological child.
I have nearly given up the dream of conceiving naturally in bed like so many of our friends. I have learned to live with the fact that whether we have biological children or not might be determined by our finances. Our only chance of having biological children might be IVF to maximize our chances. And we don't have the resources to continue pursuing fertility treatments every month. My high FSH level is another reason that makes it less likely to happen. My body doesn't seem to want to cooperate with our dreams.
Since I was a little girl, I dreamed about having a family with children. I was looking forward to seeing that positive pregnancy test on the bathroom counter. I was wondering how I would tell my husband that we are expecting a baby. And my parents. I was looking forward to feeling a baby grow inside me. I was looking forward to the first ultrasound. I was looking forward to the first time I could feel our baby move inside me. My husband has this beautiful smile and I always was looking forward to seeing that smile in our children. I was wondering which traits they might have from whom of us. I might never experience this.
It also means the end of the genealogical line of our family which is particularly hard for my parents. While they will be thrilled to have finally a grandchild, they will have to realize that their gens won't be given to the next generation.
Our children will have different parents that will be connected to our family forever. Another woman will experience the first ultrasound and the first movements of our baby. And I won't be there for the first ultrasound. I won't feel it kicking. And I won't be able to protect our child for the first nine months before it is born.
I am grieving for that loss. And I understand it is a normal process. But it still hurts like hell.
Friday, December 14, 2007
That was pretty easy
Sorry for not updating you guys before, but as you can imagine I was really busy today. The meeting at the adoption agency went very well. We talked to the Director of Domestic Programs. She was super nice and we spent over an hour with her. She asked about our motivation to adopt and about our families and jobs.
And then she gave us the checklist for the paperwork. I always thought it was tons of paperwork and took forever to accomplish. Was I wrong. Don't be scared of the paperwork, people out there. It is not that bad.
We need to finish the home study:
- Individual typed autobiography for each applicant (I have been working on mine last night and today, so done for me, hubby still needs to do his)
- Criminal Clearances (with fingerprints) - we'll do this next week as they only do them from 1:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. (My suggestion to commit a small crime to get them done earlier didn't go so well with my husband)
- Sworn Disclosure Statement - done
- Child Abuse Clearances - done
- Guardianship agreement (this is a tough one. Whom would you give your child in case you die? We have identified some friends who would be perfect - they'll raise our children in a Christian faith and would be able to keep them connected to my family. We asked them, but haven't heard from them yet; they need to fill out the form and notarize it)
- Medical forms completed by physicians (I thought I had done mine already, but the doctor's office can't find anything. Great. Scheduled husband for Monday morning)
- Immunization Form (of course, we'll immunize our children, done)
- Copy of our most recently filed 1040 Federal Income Tax Return (done)
- Employment letter stating current salary, current position & start date on company letterhead (mine is done, waiting for husbands to arrive with mail, was sent out today)
- Financial Information (copy of mortgage, checkings/savings acct., IRA, etc., still to do)
- Copy of marriage certificate - done
- Copy of birth certificates - done
- Copy of certified "life-time" driving record from all states the applicant has resided in the last five years (ordered)
- Signed corporal punishment statement (no, we won't hit our children, done)
- Written plan of evacuation (still to do)
- Fire and Safety inspection self-survey form (done)
Not bad for 24 hours... The lady told us the fastest they ever had was two weeks. We probably won't be able to trump that, but I hope to have everything (except maybe the lifetime driving record that can take up to two weeks) ready by the end of next week, so that we can start with the home study interviews after Xmas. Because their comprehensive program is closed at this point she gave us some out of area agencies to consult. Because we are open to any race, open adoption, etc. she was pretty positive that we might be able to get a baby before we move overseas. Wow! That would be amazing. I am just sitting here and wondering whether our baby is maybe already in another woman's womb. Moving, growing and waiting to be born. I am starting to get excited.
Last night we decorated our Christmas tree. It was a really nice evening as we were listening to Christmas music and getting in the mood. We were both talking about how we had thought last Christmas, that that was the last Christmas we spent as an infertile couple. We had so high hopes that we would be a family by now. Will it still be just the two of us next year? Or will we be able to realize our dream to become a family by then?
And then she gave us the checklist for the paperwork. I always thought it was tons of paperwork and took forever to accomplish. Was I wrong. Don't be scared of the paperwork, people out there. It is not that bad.
We need to finish the home study:
- Individual typed autobiography for each applicant (I have been working on mine last night and today, so done for me, hubby still needs to do his)
- Criminal Clearances (with fingerprints) - we'll do this next week as they only do them from 1:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. (My suggestion to commit a small crime to get them done earlier didn't go so well with my husband)
- Sworn Disclosure Statement - done
- Child Abuse Clearances - done
- Guardianship agreement (this is a tough one. Whom would you give your child in case you die? We have identified some friends who would be perfect - they'll raise our children in a Christian faith and would be able to keep them connected to my family. We asked them, but haven't heard from them yet; they need to fill out the form and notarize it)
- Medical forms completed by physicians (I thought I had done mine already, but the doctor's office can't find anything. Great. Scheduled husband for Monday morning)
- Immunization Form (of course, we'll immunize our children, done)
- Copy of our most recently filed 1040 Federal Income Tax Return (done)
- Employment letter stating current salary, current position & start date on company letterhead (mine is done, waiting for husbands to arrive with mail, was sent out today)
- Financial Information (copy of mortgage, checkings/savings acct., IRA, etc., still to do)
- Copy of marriage certificate - done
- Copy of birth certificates - done
- Copy of certified "life-time" driving record from all states the applicant has resided in the last five years (ordered)
- Signed corporal punishment statement (no, we won't hit our children, done)
- Written plan of evacuation (still to do)
- Fire and Safety inspection self-survey form (done)
Not bad for 24 hours... The lady told us the fastest they ever had was two weeks. We probably won't be able to trump that, but I hope to have everything (except maybe the lifetime driving record that can take up to two weeks) ready by the end of next week, so that we can start with the home study interviews after Xmas. Because their comprehensive program is closed at this point she gave us some out of area agencies to consult. Because we are open to any race, open adoption, etc. she was pretty positive that we might be able to get a baby before we move overseas. Wow! That would be amazing. I am just sitting here and wondering whether our baby is maybe already in another woman's womb. Moving, growing and waiting to be born. I am starting to get excited.
Last night we decorated our Christmas tree. It was a really nice evening as we were listening to Christmas music and getting in the mood. We were both talking about how we had thought last Christmas, that that was the last Christmas we spent as an infertile couple. We had so high hopes that we would be a family by now. Will it still be just the two of us next year? Or will we be able to realize our dream to become a family by then?
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Seven random things about me...
I am so excited because Hoping for a child tagged me. If I understand this correctly, I'm supposed to list seven random or unusual things about myself and then tag seven others...
Anyway, here goes.
1. I grew up on a farm with dairy cows.
2. My parents, my brother and me took our first vacation as a family in 2003 when I was 29 years old.
3. I love to watch "The Unit", "Tyra Banks Show", "Desperate Housewives", and "24"
4. I love to play Minigolf.
5. If I could choose my last supper before I die, it would be my Mom's duck with potato dumplings.
6. I love to sleep and hibernate in the winter. I can spend a whole week-end on the couch.
7. My order at Starbucks is a grande Caramel Macchiato (winter) and an iced grande Caramel Macchiato (summer).
I would like to tag Mary Ellen, Lori, Lindsay, Katie, Serenity Cam, and Yodasmistress.
This morning I had a great and long telephone conversation with my best friend. She has already two kids and they were screaming in the background. One of them is my god-child and I feel so blessed to have her and her family in my life. She is wonderful and I miss her every day and am sad that she lives so far away. We met at a party convention party and had so much fun that night and many nights after that. We have been best friends since then and spent lots of time together. We share a lot of beautiful memories of a time when we were both young and single. She wants me to move back to Europe, but that ain't happening any time soon...
Today I went in to see my acupuncturist. She is a Chinese doctor and I always feel great and relaxed after the acupuncture. Very often I fall asleep during the treatment. My husband calls her the "witch doctor" because she has given me all kinds of herbs: something to strengthen my kidneys, something when I had the first miscarriage (unfortunately too late), and a couple of months ago, she has given me the best thing ever; a Chinese medicine with which I can keep my endometriosis under control. I haven't had any problems since and am very happy about it. There was a time in my life in the last year and parts of this year where I felt there was nothing I could do to live a life free of pain. She has given me a cure that allows me to live pain-free without having to go on the pill. I can't emphasize enough how blessed I feel to have her. I told her about my FSH level of 26.6 from Monday and she said that my ovaries are overstressed and I should wait. It will regulate itself again, but I should just try naturally. Well, at this point, we don't really have a choice, do we? It sounded like she still believes that we might be able to conceive naturally - one day.
The lady from the agency called me finally back yesterday afternoon. I told her the situation and managed to squeeze us in for today at 5:30 p.m. I am very excited that we finally get to find out which information we have to get together for our home study.
Anyway, here goes.
1. I grew up on a farm with dairy cows.
2. My parents, my brother and me took our first vacation as a family in 2003 when I was 29 years old.
3. I love to watch "The Unit", "Tyra Banks Show", "Desperate Housewives", and "24"
4. I love to play Minigolf.
5. If I could choose my last supper before I die, it would be my Mom's duck with potato dumplings.
6. I love to sleep and hibernate in the winter. I can spend a whole week-end on the couch.
7. My order at Starbucks is a grande Caramel Macchiato (winter) and an iced grande Caramel Macchiato (summer).
I would like to tag Mary Ellen, Lori, Lindsay, Katie, Serenity Cam, and Yodasmistress.
This morning I had a great and long telephone conversation with my best friend. She has already two kids and they were screaming in the background. One of them is my god-child and I feel so blessed to have her and her family in my life. She is wonderful and I miss her every day and am sad that she lives so far away. We met at a party convention party and had so much fun that night and many nights after that. We have been best friends since then and spent lots of time together. We share a lot of beautiful memories of a time when we were both young and single. She wants me to move back to Europe, but that ain't happening any time soon...
Today I went in to see my acupuncturist. She is a Chinese doctor and I always feel great and relaxed after the acupuncture. Very often I fall asleep during the treatment. My husband calls her the "witch doctor" because she has given me all kinds of herbs: something to strengthen my kidneys, something when I had the first miscarriage (unfortunately too late), and a couple of months ago, she has given me the best thing ever; a Chinese medicine with which I can keep my endometriosis under control. I haven't had any problems since and am very happy about it. There was a time in my life in the last year and parts of this year where I felt there was nothing I could do to live a life free of pain. She has given me a cure that allows me to live pain-free without having to go on the pill. I can't emphasize enough how blessed I feel to have her. I told her about my FSH level of 26.6 from Monday and she said that my ovaries are overstressed and I should wait. It will regulate itself again, but I should just try naturally. Well, at this point, we don't really have a choice, do we? It sounded like she still believes that we might be able to conceive naturally - one day.
The lady from the agency called me finally back yesterday afternoon. I told her the situation and managed to squeeze us in for today at 5:30 p.m. I am very excited that we finally get to find out which information we have to get together for our home study.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Delay as expected
When I arrived home yesterday the lady from the agency had left a voice message on my cell phone. She apologized for leaving the message in my colleague's voice mail. I told her how it made me feel and told her that I am past my anger that I had in the first moment. It took me a while to calm down on Friday, but now I am over it.
Then I explained our situation to her and explained that we were doing IUI to get rid of our fertility medication and to use the opportunity before we need to fulfill another $4000 deductible next year. I also told her that we have to move next summer and that we really hope to have everything ready before then.
She understood, but she told us again that their policy is that you are not allowed to be in any fertility treatment when you start the adoption process/home study with them... Great! I then asked her about the next pre-adoption class. We wanted to take that in the end of November, but now it turns out that they are doing the next one in December. So we will do that to get ahead. I also told her that we had already done the online class and she was quite impressed... So now I have to wait for the result of the IUI to start the intake meeting and home study. I am sad, but this is how it is. I don't know why their policy is so rigid about this. But I think they want you to have closed that chapter of your life first. Have we really closed it? I don't think so. We haven't completely given up the idea of having a biological child. There is still hope.
My doctor's office called today. After only 4 days on the medication, my estradiol is already at 326. Therefore I need to come in for a sonogram tomorrow. I wish we could have done that today. Now I have another day where I need to get up early to make it in time to work...
Then I explained our situation to her and explained that we were doing IUI to get rid of our fertility medication and to use the opportunity before we need to fulfill another $4000 deductible next year. I also told her that we have to move next summer and that we really hope to have everything ready before then.
She understood, but she told us again that their policy is that you are not allowed to be in any fertility treatment when you start the adoption process/home study with them... Great! I then asked her about the next pre-adoption class. We wanted to take that in the end of November, but now it turns out that they are doing the next one in December. So we will do that to get ahead. I also told her that we had already done the online class and she was quite impressed... So now I have to wait for the result of the IUI to start the intake meeting and home study. I am sad, but this is how it is. I don't know why their policy is so rigid about this. But I think they want you to have closed that chapter of your life first. Have we really closed it? I don't think so. We haven't completely given up the idea of having a biological child. There is still hope.
My doctor's office called today. After only 4 days on the medication, my estradiol is already at 326. Therefore I need to come in for a sonogram tomorrow. I wish we could have done that today. Now I have another day where I need to get up early to make it in time to work...
Monday, November 19, 2007
My honest husband and my freaking impatience
I am back on medication. We started injecting the fertility meds last Friday. So now I have to go back to my doctor's office tomorrow for another blood work and maybe even a follicle TV show. I hope they are all doing great in there and having a blast with all the drugs we are putting in there every single day...
I had a serious discussion with my dh this week-end. He is such an honest person and doesn't want to lie to the agency about our fertility treatments. While I really appreciate his honesty in general, I am a little disappointed that he doesn't want to lie about our IUI. I mean, the chances are only 15% anyway. And we still could in theory get pregnant naturally - even if it is very unlikely.
And even if I would get pregnant during this IUI cycle, who knows whether it would be a viable pregnancy this time? Maybe I would just be on another emotional roller coaster with nothing to show for at the end. And even if I would get pregnant with a viable pregnancy, I would still want to go ahead with the adoption. Why can't you have two kids at the same time? There are people that are adopting twins etc. And we want five kids as soon as possible...
So I will have to tell the agency the truth. Which then means, we won't be able to schedule our intake meeting before January... Another month without no results and no step ahead. The problem is that I am so freaking impatient that it is hard to wait another day. A month seems like forever. And I am really concerned that we won't be able to get this done before we move overseas. I cried last Friday, because I am terrified that no birthmother would want to give her child to us if we move away a few weeks later. Even if we give this child an opportunity to learn three different languages and travel the world...
The agency hasn't called me back yet (neither on my cell phone nor in the office). I think they guessed that I was pretty upset. Maybe I scared them off. I won't call them for avoiding to disclose the IUI. Maybe by the time they call, we have already done it...
I had a serious discussion with my dh this week-end. He is such an honest person and doesn't want to lie to the agency about our fertility treatments. While I really appreciate his honesty in general, I am a little disappointed that he doesn't want to lie about our IUI. I mean, the chances are only 15% anyway. And we still could in theory get pregnant naturally - even if it is very unlikely.
And even if I would get pregnant during this IUI cycle, who knows whether it would be a viable pregnancy this time? Maybe I would just be on another emotional roller coaster with nothing to show for at the end. And even if I would get pregnant with a viable pregnancy, I would still want to go ahead with the adoption. Why can't you have two kids at the same time? There are people that are adopting twins etc. And we want five kids as soon as possible...
So I will have to tell the agency the truth. Which then means, we won't be able to schedule our intake meeting before January... Another month without no results and no step ahead. The problem is that I am so freaking impatient that it is hard to wait another day. A month seems like forever. And I am really concerned that we won't be able to get this done before we move overseas. I cried last Friday, because I am terrified that no birthmother would want to give her child to us if we move away a few weeks later. Even if we give this child an opportunity to learn three different languages and travel the world...
The agency hasn't called me back yet (neither on my cell phone nor in the office). I think they guessed that I was pretty upset. Maybe I scared them off. I won't call them for avoiding to disclose the IUI. Maybe by the time they call, we have already done it...
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Isn't it terrible, what is going on in the DRC?
, , You might not know this about me, yet, but I am very interested in Africa.
Therefore I was shocked to watch what terrible things are going on in the DR Congo every day.
http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=07/10/08/1340255
Christine Schuler mentioned that you all can help if you talk about what is going on there. This will hopefully increase press coverage and pressure on our politicians to do something about it.
Here is a link to another article on the atrocities:
http://www.glamour.com/news/articles/2007/08/reallifedrama
I don't really know what to say. It seems so cruel what human beings are capable of doing to each other... I wish I could just go there and adopt a girl to prevent it from having a destiny like this...
AF finally arrived this morning and I called the doctor's office. I will go in there tomorrow morning and then we will officially start our first IUI after three IVF attempts. Normally it is the other way around and you do first IUI and then IVF. But in our case due to financial issues, we will do it this way. As I wrote in an earlier post, I don't really expect it to work anyway as the chances are only 15%... But who knows. I am a little disappointed that AF came so late. If we wanted to do another one this year, it would have to be approximately on Xmas eve. I don't even know whether our doctor's office will be open that day. So it might be just this one... But hey, it is open season and we will be able to get out off our crappy health insurance.
No news from the adoption agency, yet. I am getting nervous that I haven't heard anything. I have to check with them that they received the paperwork. I'll do this tomorrow.
I am thinking about whether we should switch to international adoption. If we have such a hard time to get everything done before we move overseas, it might be easier if we just adopt from overseas. But I also really would like a newborn or an infant. And that seems not possible in an international adoption. Just an idea... If we find out during the home study that our time line doesn't work, we can still switch...
Therefore I was shocked to watch what terrible things are going on in the DR Congo every day.
http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=07/10/08/1340255
Christine Schuler mentioned that you all can help if you talk about what is going on there. This will hopefully increase press coverage and pressure on our politicians to do something about it.
Here is a link to another article on the atrocities:
http://www.glamour.com/news/articles/2007/08/reallifedrama
I don't really know what to say. It seems so cruel what human beings are capable of doing to each other... I wish I could just go there and adopt a girl to prevent it from having a destiny like this...
AF finally arrived this morning and I called the doctor's office. I will go in there tomorrow morning and then we will officially start our first IUI after three IVF attempts. Normally it is the other way around and you do first IUI and then IVF. But in our case due to financial issues, we will do it this way. As I wrote in an earlier post, I don't really expect it to work anyway as the chances are only 15%... But who knows. I am a little disappointed that AF came so late. If we wanted to do another one this year, it would have to be approximately on Xmas eve. I don't even know whether our doctor's office will be open that day. So it might be just this one... But hey, it is open season and we will be able to get out off our crappy health insurance.
No news from the adoption agency, yet. I am getting nervous that I haven't heard anything. I have to check with them that they received the paperwork. I'll do this tomorrow.
I am thinking about whether we should switch to international adoption. If we have such a hard time to get everything done before we move overseas, it might be easier if we just adopt from overseas. But I also really would like a newborn or an infant. And that seems not possible in an international adoption. Just an idea... If we find out during the home study that our time line doesn't work, we can still switch...
Monday, October 22, 2007
A quiet week-end
Last week-end was pretty quiet. We spent nearly all week-end at home. Just on Friday night and Saturday night we went out for an event and my hubbies birthday dinner with friends. At the dinner one of our friends shared the news that she just found out that she is having another baby. They already have three year old at home. I did surprisingly well when I heart the news. I didn't start crying at the table.
Today I called the adoption agency. We have decided to start the Home Study Process. So we will need to fill out lots of paperwork and start with the application. It is very exciting.
My poor colleague lost her baby. The beta was too low. I wish we could all escape from infertile island.
Today I called the adoption agency. We have decided to start the Home Study Process. So we will need to fill out lots of paperwork and start with the application. It is very exciting.
My poor colleague lost her baby. The beta was too low. I wish we could all escape from infertile island.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Our first Webinar on adoption
Tonight we actually took our first Webinar. It is like an online seminar where you see a live presentation and you call a number to participate. It is fascinating what you can do with technology these days. The seminar was on domestic adoption in the US. Stephanie from the adoption agency walked us through the whole process. it was quite interesting to listen to all the questions the participants had. We found out that they have only 9 waiting families in their program on African American adoption. Why not more? It was kind of surprising. Most agencys have a lot waiting families. I am Caucasian and my husband is biracial Caucasian/Asian (and he looks hot!!!). We are open to any kind of race for an adopted child. We have so much love to give. It doesn't matter which race the child we are giving this love to has.
When I was a child I was always wondering how my children would look like. I am still wondering, but starting to realize that I might never find out. It is an aching pain deep inside that is difficult to describe if you haven't faced inferility yourself. But my desire to parent is stronger than my desire to have biological children, so what the heck???
After the seminar we discussed how we will proceed. I have to do some more research about the application process because that agency is not really in our area. And then we will go ahead and start our home study process. I can't wait for it to be finished. I can't wait for the day when our baby is actually gonna come home. I wonder when that will be....
When I was a child I was always wondering how my children would look like. I am still wondering, but starting to realize that I might never find out. It is an aching pain deep inside that is difficult to describe if you haven't faced inferility yourself. But my desire to parent is stronger than my desire to have biological children, so what the heck???
After the seminar we discussed how we will proceed. I have to do some more research about the application process because that agency is not really in our area. And then we will go ahead and start our home study process. I can't wait for it to be finished. I can't wait for the day when our baby is actually gonna come home. I wonder when that will be....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)