Home study approved and shown!

Sorry for not updating my blog yesterday. I really meant to do it, but then ended up rushing home and getting ready for the bible study group last night. We host it every two weeks, so I need to cook something and I didn't want to go shopping on Monday after our home visit.

The home visit went really well. She looked around our house and liked the picture in the future nursery (the previous owners did it).



We were then sitting down and talking about our ideas of parenting. She asked us how we wanted to discipline our children. I said that time out and the naughty chair might help us to do so. She mentioned a method called "1,2,3 magic" which seems to do wonders. It sounds great, so we might try that as well. At the end she told us that our home study is approved. Now she only needs to sit down and write it up. Which will take a couple of days. We can read our home study in the agency as they don't release it to families.

On Monday the second package from our out of state agency arrived as well. It looks like we have to sit down and do some paper work again. They have different requirements from our state. Our in state agency can release some of our information to them, but we need to get more information to them. And we need to do a CPR class. We also need a certificate from the Baby Care class we did last week-end. But we also need two family references. I asked my brother for one and we will ask my mother-in-law for the second. We also will need to do some home work. We need to read two books on adoption and answer some questions on those books.

I called the agency on Monday to ask some questions about the home work package and whether they could send us some examples of their parents profiles for us to look at. They said that they had mailed our profile for the birth parents to look at on Monday, so yesterday they must have taken a look at us. Will they like us? Will they like our profile? Will they like the birth parents letter we wrote? We don't really know what the birth parents are looking for. But we should know more by the end of this week...

We have reached two milestones. Our home study is approved (even if not ready yet) and we have been shown to the first birth parents. It is amazing how far we have come in such a short time. But in order to complete our application, we really need to get all the paperwork and home work, and class done, so we still have a long road ahead. But it is an exciting road.

And with everything that is going on right now, the pain of infertility is taking a back-seat right now. We are preparing for our son or daughter. Some agencies call this waiting time the "Paper Pregnancy". I really like that word. We are not pregnant, but we are preparing like any other couple that is expecting. We don't know what and when to expect, but we know that we kind of are expecting. And the best thing is: You can drink in a paper pregnancy. Not that I am big drinker, but I enjoyed my glass of red wine yesterday while I was watching "Supernanny" (I am just preparing...).

Today is the day...

Last Friday when I was on my way home I received a message on my voice mail from my hubby. The out of state agency had called him and asked him to send the pictures over so that we can be shown today. He wanted me to send the file to them, but I had already left the office.

Then our social worker called. She wanted to ask whether it would be o.k. for us if she brings along a new colleague to shadow her at our home visit tonight. I told her the whole story and my concerns about communication not working in the agency. She recommended I should call today.

When hubby came home, we compressed the file as much as possible and sent it again to the agency. I also left a message on the mailbox of the lady that had called hubby. He talked to her on Saturday and she said that she has received our file and that we were shown today to the birth parents. I don't even want to get excited about it, because I am concerned about being completely disappointed afterwards... So I just take it as it comes.

On Saturday we took our baby basics class for adoptive parents. They had a nurse and an adoptive mom teach the class. We learned basics on feeding, diapering, and bathing the baby, baby-proofing the house, and answering questions/comments from strangers. Most of the other couples were in the domestic program and one couple is adopting from South Korea. We were very surprised to learn that there are only 5 things you really need before baby comes home.

- Diapers
- Formula
- Feeding Bottles
- Clothes
- Car Seat

Everything else that you might need or want can be bought later. Once I saw that list, not having bought anything yet, doesn't seem so overwhelming anymore. Looks like we can get all of that stuff with one run to Target.

After the class we decided to buy the book: What to expect the first year.. Which was a big step for me. Because I didn't really want to get anything before we have a referral. But I guess I can at least read a little before I won't have time any more... We drove to the store, where we were strolling around the baby book aisle, when we ran into a colleague from my hubby and his family. I didn't want him to see the book, because I wanted to avoid being congratulated on being pregnant. I silently took the book behind my husbands back, so that the colleague wouldn't see it. And I kept hiding it behind my back. Have I mentioned it is a pretty heavy book?

Later we met another couple, where I know him from work. They asked us whether we had kids and I admitted that we were in the process of adoption and showed them the book from behind my back. It turns out the wife is also adopted... It is amazing how many people's lives have been touched by adoption in one way or another.

Yesterday we were working to get the house ready for tonight's home visit. For dinner we met two couples who are also in the process of adoption or thinking about it. It was good to discuss some of the issues and fears we all have.

So tonight is already our final interview and the home visit. It is amazing how a couple of weeks ago I thought we would never get here. Here we are and we even have a perspective. And now I feel like everything is moving so quick and I wonder whether we are ready...

But of course it ain't that easy...

I thought yesterday that it looked like we were close. Not so today. First, we had difficulties sending our huge PowerPoint presentation to the out-of-state-agency. It came back due to size. My husband resent the email without the PowerPoint. To be on the safe side we ended up faxing our application to the agency. But of course it didn't make any sense to fax the pictures as well.

I was trying to reach them all morning to figure out whether they had received our application. I had left a message and I finally got a call back from the lady I had spoken with before. She is in charge of the applications as far as I understand. She also wanted to set up a telephone conversation with the adoptive family social worker. The first appointment he had available was March 26. You guys can imagine how disappointed I was. She didn't say anything about the situation the founder of the agency had mentioned on Wednesday, so I was pretty sure she was not aware of the fact that we had talked to the founder (despite the fact that it was in our email/fax and of course the fax was addressed to the founder).

I told her to please show the founder our application as she was expecting it. She then agreed to put it in a file for her. I hope that this will happen. March 26th seems like a long time away... I hope that the founder will look for our application and present it to this birth mother. I just rely on the fact that it will happen.

Yesterday night when I went to the mailbox to get the mail, I received the invite to my friend A.'s baby shower. I normally dislike this invites. But this time, I was really happy. My friend A. is really sensitive about this whole issue. She has been wonderful. I wrote about her before. So I lift my ban on baby showers and will actually attend this one. I even bought already something from her registry and had it shipped to OUR house. Maybe after all I can ease up a little and accept the fact that I am infertile. I had lunch with her today. Her belly looks beautiful and has really popped. Her baby is due in May. She was super supportive. We were chatting about baby stuff. She has some books she recommends. I don't really want to buy anything before we have a referral as I am a little superstitious. But it is great to have her do some of the research and be able to rely on her for some things. She even volunteered to host a baby shower at her house for me after we get a referral. I might have my own baby shower. That is an overwhelming feeling.

My husband's interview last night went fine, too. He doesn't think our social worker will have concerns about us. Apart from the fact that I am an irrational, impulsive, impatient psycho, I mean....

Three interviews down, one more to go. The dreaded home visit. This means, we have a really busy week-end. We need to clean up a lot. I hate cleaning and dusting, but I guess I won't get around this time. Tomorrow we have the child care class. At least there won't be any pregnant women.

It sounds unbelievable, I know...

Sometimes things happen, when you least expect them to. God is really looking out for us. Remember that at the beginning of this week I wrote how I felt that we needed to do so much before we could be moving ahead and that my husband was so busy with work?

Last week we received an invitation to a child care class this week-end from our adoption agency we do the home study with. I definitely would like to do one as we have not really any experience in taking care of a newborn (apart from babysitting my godson when he was just six weeks old). The out of state adoption agency we would like to work with requires a childcare class and infant CPR. If you are also waiting to adopt, try to get that in as soon as possible. It is never bad to have taken those classes.

I didn't really want to go to a child care class with pregnant women around us. If we are the only ones that aren't pregnant, it might be hard for me. So I thought the class at our agency would be an excellent opportunity for us to do this in a safe environment with other hopeful adoptive parents. But I wanted to check with the out of state agency we would like to adopt with whether they would recognize that class. So I called after I got home yesterday (at least the time difference has something good to it). The lady I had talked with last week had left and I ended up talking to someone on the birth parent line. She asked me to call back today, but then she stopped. Then she said that the founder of the agency would like to talk to us in 15 minutes. I thought: "Wow, was an excellent opportunity to get all our questions answered!" So my husband and I had 15 minutes to prepare to get all our questions answered.

After 15 minutes we called. She answered our questions and asked us about our personal circumstances. It turns out they have two available situations she would like to present us to. One is a biracial baby and one is African-American. One is due this month, the other one next month.

We told her that we didn't have our profile set up and were still working on the birth parent letter. She said she needed our application information asap to release it to one of the attorneys they are working with. She was great and took a lot of time to talk to us.

Our questions are all answered and we feel very strongly that we would like to work with this agency. It is amazing which opportunities God is throwing our way. He really knows the desires of our heart.

We ended up working on our application and preparing a quick power point presentation with some pictures of us and emailed it last night. Can you believe this? We might become parents rather sooner than later. Our application was sent in and they will present us to these two birth mothers. I am terrified because we are not prepared yet. I will contact our agency to see whether I can still sign up for the child care class this week-end.

So, what are your best traits as a mother?

The meeting with the social worker went really well. I enjoy talking to her and she is great in helping you along the way.

She asked me about my relationships with my parent and brother. She also asked about how growing up was for me. I can tell you it was not easy. I didn't miss anything in a material sense. I missed spending time with my parents. I believe I have shared with you that I grew up on a farm in a rural area. We used to have dairy cows. My parents had to work a lot to make ends meet. They didn't have a lot of time available to spend with us. Even when we would have a meal as a family my parents would talk about their work most of the time. I now know that my parents really love me and care for me. But I didn't know that as a child. We never went on vacation with our parents. We went out to dinner maybe once a year (I am not kidding)! When we would take a road trip it was usually to visit my uncle who live about 50 miles away from us. My parents never really knew another life than work. Which is very sad. I would not want to live their life.

We talked for quite a while and then she asked me, what my best character traits as a mother would be. That is a really good question. I didn't really know what to say. But there is one thing for sure. This child will have so much love. Because we have so much love between us. I can't wait to share it with a child. I guess the child will also have a lot of fun. My husband and I love to laugh and we have so much fun together.

Tomorrow my husband will have his meeting with the social worker and on Monday we have our home visit. Time to start cleaning the house... I can't believe how fast we are getting ahead now. Our home study might be ready next week or the week after that. Wow!!!

I hope we can sit down this week-end and work on our profile and the questions we still have for the agency before we send in our application...

Today I met an old friend from Europe for lunch. When we were leaving the restaurant in China town a woman with a stroller on the street asked us something. I first thought she was looking for something and needed help, so I asked her what she had said. And she repeated that she needed some money for food. I was sad to hear that. Children should not have to grow up in circumstances where their mother needs to beg on the street. I pray that she overcomes the problems she might have and can provide a better future for her child.

I also was shocked about this. How can anyone do something like this to an innocent little baby? How can one human being do something like this to another? I pray for the baby who seems to be clinging on to his little life. I pray that God helps it to find a family to love it and help it overcome this horrible past.

Update before meeting with social worker

This week-end has been really busy. We have our house visit in a week and I started cleaning up already. The guest bedroom/hopefully future nursery looked like a war zone and needed some attention.

On Saturday we went to a seminar on going overseas for families. It was really weird. We were the only couple in the room that didn't have kids. Many parents brought their kids. We had to design a family crest with all the issues we are having with moving and when I presented ours, I had to come out and let people know that we didn't have kids yet, but we were in the process of adopting. Everybody reacted very positive to this announcement. People just asked where we were adoption from. One father told us that his son was adopted from El Salvador. The process took them two years.

I am a little frustrated right now that we are not going ahead in our decision making process. Last week we discussed that there were still some questions that my hubby had on the agency. I had hoped we would sit down and work on these questions, for example draft an email to the agency. But instead hubby had to work all day yesterday and didn't have time in the evening either... But we will get there. It just takes us some time. I guess it is important to make the right decision even if it takes a little longer...

There is still so much we need to take care of. We also have to work on our finances. Any ideas you guys have on financing an adoption will be highly appreciated. Living in the D.C. area is fine as long as you have two incomes. But our jobs don't pay as much as we need to pay for the adoption, loose my income, and transfer. Once we are overseas, we will be o.k. We basically just need to bridge the time until we go overseas.

I will start Spanish at the end of the month. I wonder how long I will be able to take the class before we actually adopt. I guess I can't bring a newborn to the class. But it may also take much longer, so I am just going on with my life. Business as usual. So I will continue to work and go to class in addition. I wonder how that is going to be. Right now, I feel like I don't get enough done in my job. Since I came back from Europe I have this feeling that I don't get everything done in time. Usually I never have any problems getting everything done. I spend usually part of my time surfing the internet and writing emails. But not recently. The time passes really fast and the day is over. I hope it is getting a little more quiet soon..

Now I have to head to my meeting with our social worker.

First meeting with our social worker

I feel like a really bad blogger recently because I don't get to write as often as I would like to. But I have a problem with getting everything done. There is some much work to do before we move overseas. I have started to make a To-Do-List. I will continue to update this blog, but I just might not get to catching up with everything as often as I would like to.

You are probably all waiting for an update from me on how the meeting with the social worker went.

My husband and I both left the house at the same time yesterday morning. And we both came home at the same time. I took that as a great sign. My husband rides his bike to work in the morning. And I commute by bus and metro. How likely is that to happen? I depend on bus schedules and he depends on his training schedules. Our meeting was at 6:30 p.m. and we left the house around 6 p.m. With rush hour traffic I was concerned that we were arriving late, but I was driving and I managed to get us there at 6:25 p.m.

The meeting went great. We clicked from the start and chatted along. I found it really easy to talk to her. I liked her a lot. I think after she talked to our references she already had an idea of who we are. But now she knows for sure. She asked us about how we ended up being there. She asked about the infertility and what support we had. She also asked how we met each other and about our marriage. What we love about each other and where we fight. How we take decisions.

When asked what I love most about my husband, I told her, that I love his honesty, his humor, his faith, and his intelligence. He is the most honest person in the world. He makes me laugh every single day. I admire his faith and his intelligence.

We also talked a lot about our special circumstances with moving overseas and everything. We need to do some more research on our agency before we can fill out the application.

Next week we have the separate interviews where we cover our childhood and youth. Mine is on Monday. The social worker told us she will try to write the home study (10 pages) as we move along. So that means in two to three weeks our home study will be complete. And we will be ready to adopt! Unbelievable...

We still need to take an Infant CPR class. And I would like to take a baby care class. There are also some books that we want to read... I finally feel like we are moving along. And it feels really good! We are going to have a baby! We are going to be a family.