The get-together that was no baby shower went o.k. I didn't stay so long because I had to pick up husband from soccer. It wasn't all about pregnancy after all. But I was the only one that wasn't pregnant or didn't bring a baby/toddler. One woman was pregnant. It is hard to feel like an expectant mom if there is no belly to show for. One of the ladies, a friend of ours, offered us some of her children's stuff. She just had a baby last November and is ready to get rid of some of her stuff due to a move.
But I asked the ladies whether they thought breastfeeding an adopted baby might be creepy. They were very supportive and said they didn't think it was creepy at all. I have thought about it and read about it for a while and I think I might like to give it a try. I am not concerned about attachment issues. It is more that I would like to give our baby the best possible start. The health benefits of breastfeeding are definitely convincing. Another reason is that I might never get to experience a pregnancy. When we adopt later we will probably adopt older children. Breastfeeding is as close as I might ever get to experiencing the natural and biological link a mom has to her child. Maybe my body does for once something it is supposed to do. If it doesn't work out, I won't be upset. I know it might be difficult for me to produce enough milk to exclusively breastfeed. But every bit helps. While I have read that it is possible, I have not actually met anyone that did it/does it.
This is why I need some input from those of you who have adopted or are in the process of adopting. What do think about breastfeeding? Have you considered it? Do you want to give it a try? When did you start pumping? Did you have lactation induced? How did you approach this? Did you talk to your doctor about it or did you see a lactation consultant? What were the reactions of friends and family? I have so many questions. Hopefully you guys have some answers for me.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
9 weeks to go and I hate popcorn ceilings...
Today we ripped off another link on our paper chain. With every link we rip off we get one week closer to our baby. At least I hope we do. We even started tackling another project this weekend. The nursery. Our nursery/current guest bedroom looks fine, but the previous owner had a child and the child had decided to paint parts of the wall. The previous owner left us a beautiful wall mural that we never changed. We always imagined that in a couple of months our baby might enjoy it. My husband even says we bought the house only because of the beautiful safari themed mural.
As you know we will be moving overseas in a couple of months. We had met with a property management company a couple of weeks ago and the guy told us the easiest way to rent a house is if the rooms are painted white. I guess it is because they look bigger that way. When we first moved in, we painted nearly the whole house. Every weekend was spent between home depot and painting. I was in charge of painting the trims and windows. After a couple of months I started to hate painting... It is so much work.
But of course we now have our rooms in completely different colors than the previous owner. She had a strange taste. For example the living room was a dark chocolate brown. The problem is that the house is not very sunny. It made it look really small. We changed that color to an off-white. She also painted on of the bathrooms in a really dark brown. The thing that was absolutely weird is that she also painted the ceiling in that brown. It made it look like a cave...
Back to the nursery: we decided that in order to rent the house we will have to paint parts of the house. The nursery was one of the rooms we needed to paint. So we decided to spend our weekend painting. It is so humid outside that there is no point in being outside anyway. We primed and painted two walls and parts of the ceiling. Have I told you that I absolutely hate popcorn ceilings? If you have to make a decision what ceiling to put in your new house, never go for popcorn ceiling. It is the worst to paint and it is really difficult to get it off once you decide that you don't like it any more... We still have some work to do, but we might not get to it today.
Hubby is going to play soccer and I have a surprise party to go to for the friend of ours that is expecting twins. It is not supposed to be a baby shower her husband said. Can you imagine that I am not really looking forward to it? She has been very insensitive before and during her pregnancy towards me. She is the one that asked me about three weeks after my second miscarriage (which she knew about): "So when are you getting ready to get pregnant again?" And that despite the fact that she had had a miscarriage before and knew how difficult it is. But I guess I need to go, so I have to get ready.
We also have a friend coming into town today and staying with us. Now that the guest bedroom is a current project, the only thing we can offer him is our living room couch or our floor (which is really comfortable). At least he will be a good excuse to leave the party...
Have a wonderful Sunday.
As you know we will be moving overseas in a couple of months. We had met with a property management company a couple of weeks ago and the guy told us the easiest way to rent a house is if the rooms are painted white. I guess it is because they look bigger that way. When we first moved in, we painted nearly the whole house. Every weekend was spent between home depot and painting. I was in charge of painting the trims and windows. After a couple of months I started to hate painting... It is so much work.
But of course we now have our rooms in completely different colors than the previous owner. She had a strange taste. For example the living room was a dark chocolate brown. The problem is that the house is not very sunny. It made it look really small. We changed that color to an off-white. She also painted on of the bathrooms in a really dark brown. The thing that was absolutely weird is that she also painted the ceiling in that brown. It made it look like a cave...
Back to the nursery: we decided that in order to rent the house we will have to paint parts of the house. The nursery was one of the rooms we needed to paint. So we decided to spend our weekend painting. It is so humid outside that there is no point in being outside anyway. We primed and painted two walls and parts of the ceiling. Have I told you that I absolutely hate popcorn ceilings? If you have to make a decision what ceiling to put in your new house, never go for popcorn ceiling. It is the worst to paint and it is really difficult to get it off once you decide that you don't like it any more... We still have some work to do, but we might not get to it today.
Hubby is going to play soccer and I have a surprise party to go to for the friend of ours that is expecting twins. It is not supposed to be a baby shower her husband said. Can you imagine that I am not really looking forward to it? She has been very insensitive before and during her pregnancy towards me. She is the one that asked me about three weeks after my second miscarriage (which she knew about): "So when are you getting ready to get pregnant again?" And that despite the fact that she had had a miscarriage before and knew how difficult it is. But I guess I need to go, so I have to get ready.
We also have a friend coming into town today and staying with us. Now that the guest bedroom is a current project, the only thing we can offer him is our living room couch or our floor (which is really comfortable). At least he will be a good excuse to leave the party...
Have a wonderful Sunday.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
A sad story on the way to work
When I just walked to the office from the metro, I noticed a young woman sitting on a street corner. She looked like she was homeless. I had already passed her when something urged me to go back. I went back and took a closer look. That look confirmed what I thought I had seen.
She was about 7 to 8 months pregnant. I watched like a stranger offered her a smoothie that she had bought for her. I turned around and went back towards my office, then I thought: Maybe she needs help. So I turned around again (people must have thought I am crazy going back and forth several times) and walked up to her. She was wearing a dirty red shirt with a hole in it and a dirty jeans. Her body looked very thin apart from the pregnancy. I told her that I had seen her sitting there at the corner and asked her whether she was o.k.. She looked at me with a smile that showed the only tooth she had left and said she was o.k.. It seemed to me like she was on drugs. When I continued to walk towards my office I had to keep back the tears that came running down my face. I was hurting so much for the unborn life she was carrying inside. What life will she offer to this child? A life on the street with drugs?
I wondered what I could do to help her and her baby. I asked myself whether I should have called help. But I didn't know whom and by the time the system works and sends someone she will probably be gone...
I pray that she will find a way to care and provide for this child. If she can't do it herself, I hope she will find good parents for this baby. Parents that have longed for so long to have a child and will be able to shower it with all the love they have to give.
She was about 7 to 8 months pregnant. I watched like a stranger offered her a smoothie that she had bought for her. I turned around and went back towards my office, then I thought: Maybe she needs help. So I turned around again (people must have thought I am crazy going back and forth several times) and walked up to her. She was wearing a dirty red shirt with a hole in it and a dirty jeans. Her body looked very thin apart from the pregnancy. I told her that I had seen her sitting there at the corner and asked her whether she was o.k.. She looked at me with a smile that showed the only tooth she had left and said she was o.k.. It seemed to me like she was on drugs. When I continued to walk towards my office I had to keep back the tears that came running down my face. I was hurting so much for the unborn life she was carrying inside. What life will she offer to this child? A life on the street with drugs?
I wondered what I could do to help her and her baby. I asked myself whether I should have called help. But I didn't know whom and by the time the system works and sends someone she will probably be gone...
I pray that she will find a way to care and provide for this child. If she can't do it herself, I hope she will find good parents for this baby. Parents that have longed for so long to have a child and will be able to shower it with all the love they have to give.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Or not completed...
The agency sent me a fax yesterday. To my work. Unfortunately they didn't call before so that I could stand next to the phone and get it. This way my colleague could look at the numbers and the costs of our adoption. I am very upset about this and sent them an email.
They also need our 2007 tax return. And they want us to sign the paperwork that we have already signed. AGAIN.
We still have not heard any update on the pregnancy.
They also need our 2007 tax return. And they want us to sign the paperwork that we have already signed. AGAIN.
We still have not heard any update on the pregnancy.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Homework for the agency completed!
Today I feel like a little girl who finally has completed her homework after a long day of studying and can go play in the yard. We had to read two books for the agency and answer some questions on the books. My hubby finished reading the second book last weekend and yesterday night we finally had time to do the homework. I had already started it and he added some thoughts. We ended up sending the homework via email to the agency.
Now all of our tasks for the agency are completed. We also asked them whether they could update us a little on the situation and the pregnancy. We don't know where to fly in two months and a week. Or maybe earlier? A friend of mine said recently that if a woman already had several kids, they baby might come earlier. We will see...
I hope we will get an update soon. I am longing for contact with the birthmom. I would like to know how she is doing and how she is feeling. I would like to know whether she could send us some ultrasound pictures of the baby. Maybe then it would finally sink in that this baby is coming like my husband always says. He is such an incredible optimist. But I have to respect that she doesn't want any contact right now. Maybe that is her way of coping.
Last week-end we cut of another link from our paper chain. Now there are only 10 weeks left until our baby is born. But it feels like an eternity.
My brother and his girl-friend flew back home yesterday. It was so nice to have them in town. They are great cooks and we got really spoiled. Poor hubby had two weeks off cooking, but tonight he has to get back to work. I might have written it in an earlier post. The past two and a half years I cooked most week-nights because hubby came home late from work. Because I am working now and going to school, he has taken over the kitchen. And I really love it. He is a great cook.
Now all of our tasks for the agency are completed. We also asked them whether they could update us a little on the situation and the pregnancy. We don't know where to fly in two months and a week. Or maybe earlier? A friend of mine said recently that if a woman already had several kids, they baby might come earlier. We will see...
I hope we will get an update soon. I am longing for contact with the birthmom. I would like to know how she is doing and how she is feeling. I would like to know whether she could send us some ultrasound pictures of the baby. Maybe then it would finally sink in that this baby is coming like my husband always says. He is such an incredible optimist. But I have to respect that she doesn't want any contact right now. Maybe that is her way of coping.
Last week-end we cut of another link from our paper chain. Now there are only 10 weeks left until our baby is born. But it feels like an eternity.
My brother and his girl-friend flew back home yesterday. It was so nice to have them in town. They are great cooks and we got really spoiled. Poor hubby had two weeks off cooking, but tonight he has to get back to work. I might have written it in an earlier post. The past two and a half years I cooked most week-nights because hubby came home late from work. Because I am working now and going to school, he has taken over the kitchen. And I really love it. He is a great cook.
Friday, May 30, 2008
On hope and expectations
I have thought about this post for a couple of days now and I finally have the time to sit down and write it. I recently learned a new word in Spanish: ESPERAR. In English it means: to HOPE and to EXPECT. The little unfertile soul of mine thought about the meaning of those words for the infertile community.
We, like 100% of all couples out there EXPECTED when we went off birth control we would EXPECT a baby in a couple of weeks or months. And while 90% of all couples will EXPECT a baby in a year, we kept on waiting. We are part of the remaining 10% that continue HOPING. Once we moved on to fertility treatments, we EXPECTED that those would work for us. And as most couples climb the ladder of fertility treatments up rung by rung from Clomid over IUIs to IVFs they continue to HOPE that one of those will help them to create the family they have been longing for. The longer they are in treatment the less they EXPECT that something will work for them. But they don't give up HOPE.
We had directly moved on to the strongest treatment out there: IVF. And I really EXPECTED it to work for us. I didn't EXPECT it to work the first time, but lots of our friends did it twice and it worked the second time. That what I EXPECTED for us. I didn't EXPECT to get pregnant on my own and have a miscarriage shortly afterwards. But sadly the miscarriage also gave me some HOPE. We have several friends that had a miscarriage and went on to have successful pregnancies afterwards. So I HOPED to become pregnant again and I EXPECTED a successful pregnancy the second time around. When I got pregnant again I HOPED that the HCG value would go up. I didn't EXPECT it to work, but I didn't want to give up HOPE.
When we moved on to adoption I didn't EXPECT that we would have a baby soon. But I HOPED. I am still HOPING... But I don't EXPECT it.
What I want to point out with this post is just that for a lot of people out there to HOPE and to EXPECT is not the same thing even if it can mean the same word in another language.
Very often you start with EXPECTations about your life and how it is going to be. If not everything goes as planned the only thing you have left is HOPE and faith that God knows what he is doing.
We, like 100% of all couples out there EXPECTED when we went off birth control we would EXPECT a baby in a couple of weeks or months. And while 90% of all couples will EXPECT a baby in a year, we kept on waiting. We are part of the remaining 10% that continue HOPING. Once we moved on to fertility treatments, we EXPECTED that those would work for us. And as most couples climb the ladder of fertility treatments up rung by rung from Clomid over IUIs to IVFs they continue to HOPE that one of those will help them to create the family they have been longing for. The longer they are in treatment the less they EXPECT that something will work for them. But they don't give up HOPE.
We had directly moved on to the strongest treatment out there: IVF. And I really EXPECTED it to work for us. I didn't EXPECT it to work the first time, but lots of our friends did it twice and it worked the second time. That what I EXPECTED for us. I didn't EXPECT to get pregnant on my own and have a miscarriage shortly afterwards. But sadly the miscarriage also gave me some HOPE. We have several friends that had a miscarriage and went on to have successful pregnancies afterwards. So I HOPED to become pregnant again and I EXPECTED a successful pregnancy the second time around. When I got pregnant again I HOPED that the HCG value would go up. I didn't EXPECT it to work, but I didn't want to give up HOPE.
When we moved on to adoption I didn't EXPECT that we would have a baby soon. But I HOPED. I am still HOPING... But I don't EXPECT it.
What I want to point out with this post is just that for a lot of people out there to HOPE and to EXPECT is not the same thing even if it can mean the same word in another language.
Very often you start with EXPECTations about your life and how it is going to be. If not everything goes as planned the only thing you have left is HOPE and faith that God knows what he is doing.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Careful at Target!
We had a great Memorial Day week-end down at my FIL's house in NC. On Saturday we went to the beach for the day. Unfortunately the weather was not so nice first, so we were strolling down the beach with our umbrellas. The water was really warm and it was just nice to be able to feel the sand under our naked toes. We collected tons of shells. On Sunday we went for a boat ride in one of the lakes. We saw turtles and birds. It was great. Afterwards we had a real nice BBQ with my FIL, BIL and BIL's wife and our nephew. We also played boccie. The drive back up to D.C. was less fun. 95 was a parking lot and it took us forever...
And I finally did it. I bough something for the baby. That was a really big step for me. And I had a traumatizing experience. We went to Target and I had picked out a travel bed from Eddie Bauer. It was the last one on the display. My brother and his girl-friend bought some other stuff. Then we went to the strollers and were looking at them. Our cart was right behind us until we turned a corner. We went back to pick up our cart and it was gone. Including all our stuff in it. We were running through the whole store to find it. With no success. Can you imagine. I finally take all my bravery together and intend to buy something for the baby. And then our cart gets stolen... I asked a shop assistant for help and she couldn't find it either. But she told us that they usually go around the shop to find owner-less carts and take the stuff back. But the bed didn't make it back. She then went to find it for us at the storage. But when I walked around some more, I found the bed and a trouser that my brother wanted to buy at the ladies wardrobe. The rest of our stuff was already gone. The store assistants had taken it. I mean, we were standing right around the corner and we were looking at baby stuff. Couldn't they have asked us whether that was our cart before they just take it away? I am so glad we didn't have a real life Baby in our cart. They probably would have taken it, put a price tag on it and sold it in the store.
We even managed to keep the bed and the cart this time and I bought it. It is now sitting in our office waiting for its trip to pick up our baby. Fortunately I don't go to the office every day, so I don't have to look at it all the time...
And I finally did it. I bough something for the baby. That was a really big step for me. And I had a traumatizing experience. We went to Target and I had picked out a travel bed from Eddie Bauer. It was the last one on the display. My brother and his girl-friend bought some other stuff. Then we went to the strollers and were looking at them. Our cart was right behind us until we turned a corner. We went back to pick up our cart and it was gone. Including all our stuff in it. We were running through the whole store to find it. With no success. Can you imagine. I finally take all my bravery together and intend to buy something for the baby. And then our cart gets stolen... I asked a shop assistant for help and she couldn't find it either. But she told us that they usually go around the shop to find owner-less carts and take the stuff back. But the bed didn't make it back. She then went to find it for us at the storage. But when I walked around some more, I found the bed and a trouser that my brother wanted to buy at the ladies wardrobe. The rest of our stuff was already gone. The store assistants had taken it. I mean, we were standing right around the corner and we were looking at baby stuff. Couldn't they have asked us whether that was our cart before they just take it away? I am so glad we didn't have a real life Baby in our cart. They probably would have taken it, put a price tag on it and sold it in the store.
We even managed to keep the bed and the cart this time and I bought it. It is now sitting in our office waiting for its trip to pick up our baby. Fortunately I don't go to the office every day, so I don't have to look at it all the time...
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