I need to move on...

I just came off the phone with the adoption agency. Of course the social worker hasn't called us yet. So I called them. I also had sent them an email which she hasn't received. She will send me the information material for our profile so that we can start working on this at least. Something needs to be moving... I hope to work on the profile and scrapbook and Dear Birth parents letter this week-end.

She was really nice and told me that she will call our social worker and tell her to get going. Because the social workers work as contractors, she can't give me their phone numbers, but the social worker should give me her phone number once she calls.

I also talked with her about my fears about not being matched before we move. She said that I should ask the agency whether they have worked with military families before. Obviously the embassy can do the post-placement visits. That would be fantastic. That would be awesome!!! Now I only hope that someone will see the opportunities for our children and not the difficulties in us moving every couple of years.

I talked to my hubby about me contacting the agency last week. He told me that if I get frustrated with something or someone, it sometimes turns into aggression. He is right about that. I hate to admit it. But that is exactly how I felt last week. I sometimes get really aggressive at things and people. I don't really do anything to them, but I get so mad inside. It is a side that I don't like at all about me.

It is a long story, but when I first came to the US, I worked at a terrible place. I had been an office chief before and had people working for me. Then I came here and started working for a micro-managing boss. It was the worst workplace ever.

That is when I started having problems with endometriosis which I had never had before. This is why I blame my former boss and his wife for part of our fertility struggles. When I had the surgery to remove the cyst in April of 2006 and another cyst in May, I realized that this was my body telling me something. That I needed to find a new job and get out of there. Which I did, but they still are on my mind quite often when I think back or when I hear from other people about them. Terrible stories about their management skills. I realized that they still have a lot of power over me if I don't stop thinking about them in that negative way. I need to forgive them to move on with my life. But it is so hard. I prayed for them last week-end. I hope to continue to do so in the future. I hope to be able to forgive them one day.

Fortunately I found a new job after nine months, where I have a great boss and nice colleagues. So this is resolved. And I fortunately have the endometriosis under control with my medication. The only thing I haven't resolved yet, is my infertility. It is on my mind day in and day out. I think about it all the time. I hope one day, I can resolve that as well and just move on with my life.