60 days to go

I am starting my little countdown now.

By now the agency has hopefully received our mail. Unfortunately we still haven't heard any updates. I find it frustrating not to hear anything. I don't expect an update every week. But it has been basically since April since we have been selected that we haven't heard anything except the fact that our file was submitted to the board and that we still needed to turn in some paperwork. If they are counseling her, what I would hope, I wonder why they are not able to give us any updates?

I just had one of those spontaneous moments and I just decided to call and ask. I talked to the person in charge and was promised an update on our situation today. So now I am very excited that we will hear more on our baby today. I wish they could send me some ultrasound pictures or something. That would make this baby and the fact that we might become his parents more real...

That was quick. I just received a call back. The birth father will be around this weekend and they will try to set up a conference call with us. If it doesn't work out we will do it only with the birthmom. WOW!!! We might finally get to talk to her... I am very excited about this opportunity, but also very anxious. What if I say something wrong? What if she doesn't like my accent? What if she changes her mind?

2 more months

First, thank you all for your comments on my post from yesterday. They are highly appreciated and I will get back to some of you who have offered to help. I just need to find the time to really work on these issues. Between Spanish class and work I barely have time for anything else...

I had an evaluation in Spanish today and it sounds like I am on track. I probably will even be able to finish my class before August. The teacher was happy with my level of fluency and the fact that I just talk. I guess I need to slow down a little in order to think about what I am saying before I speak and control what is coming out of my mouth more to avoid little mistakes I am still making.

Yesterday I didn't have time to write, so I just write this as my post from yesterday. Two more months until our lives will change completely. At least we hope so. Even if I try not to get too excited it is hard not to think about it all day. I now feel comfortable talking about it and sharing our news with most of our friends. But I still have this nagging feeling about the possibility of her changing her mind. I pray for her every day and hope that she is in peace with her decision.

I also tried to set up a time and date with our friend that has offered to bless us with lots of baby stuff that she doesn't need any more. I think I am now o.k. with having some baby stuff in the house. That is already a progress for me, right? I feel that once the baby is here, we won't have a lot of time to think about these things because we will need them... And it might be difficult to do all the shopping with a newborn in tow... But I still think we will wait with the car seat and stroller until we are much closer to the due date.

We haven't heard anything from the agency. Our request to receive an update on the pregnancy was mailed to them, but the emails keep bouncing back. I mailed it to them in the normal mail yesterday. I don't know whether that is a good sign or a bad sign. The expectant mother is now in week 31 of her pregnancy and the baby should be about 4 pounds. I can't wait to hold him for the first time. How am I getting through the next 61 days???

Breast or bottle???

The get-together that was no baby shower went o.k. I didn't stay so long because I had to pick up husband from soccer. It wasn't all about pregnancy after all. But I was the only one that wasn't pregnant or didn't bring a baby/toddler. One woman was pregnant. It is hard to feel like an expectant mom if there is no belly to show for. One of the ladies, a friend of ours, offered us some of her children's stuff. She just had a baby last November and is ready to get rid of some of her stuff due to a move.

But I asked the ladies whether they thought breastfeeding an adopted baby might be creepy. They were very supportive and said they didn't think it was creepy at all. I have thought about it and read about it for a while and I think I might like to give it a try. I am not concerned about attachment issues. It is more that I would like to give our baby the best possible start. The health benefits of breastfeeding are definitely convincing. Another reason is that I might never get to experience a pregnancy. When we adopt later we will probably adopt older children. Breastfeeding is as close as I might ever get to experiencing the natural and biological link a mom has to her child. Maybe my body does for once something it is supposed to do. If it doesn't work out, I won't be upset. I know it might be difficult for me to produce enough milk to exclusively breastfeed. But every bit helps. While I have read that it is possible, I have not actually met anyone that did it/does it.

This is why I need some input from those of you who have adopted or are in the process of adopting. What do think about breastfeeding? Have you considered it? Do you want to give it a try? When did you start pumping? Did you have lactation induced? How did you approach this? Did you talk to your doctor about it or did you see a lactation consultant? What were the reactions of friends and family? I have so many questions. Hopefully you guys have some answers for me.

9 weeks to go and I hate popcorn ceilings...

Today we ripped off another link on our paper chain. With every link we rip off we get one week closer to our baby. At least I hope we do. We even started tackling another project this weekend. The nursery. Our nursery/current guest bedroom looks fine, but the previous owner had a child and the child had decided to paint parts of the wall. The previous owner left us a beautiful wall mural that we never changed. We always imagined that in a couple of months our baby might enjoy it. My husband even says we bought the house only because of the beautiful safari themed mural.

As you know we will be moving overseas in a couple of months. We had met with a property management company a couple of weeks ago and the guy told us the easiest way to rent a house is if the rooms are painted white. I guess it is because they look bigger that way. When we first moved in, we painted nearly the whole house. Every weekend was spent between home depot and painting. I was in charge of painting the trims and windows. After a couple of months I started to hate painting... It is so much work.

But of course we now have our rooms in completely different colors than the previous owner. She had a strange taste. For example the living room was a dark chocolate brown. The problem is that the house is not very sunny. It made it look really small. We changed that color to an off-white. She also painted on of the bathrooms in a really dark brown. The thing that was absolutely weird is that she also painted the ceiling in that brown. It made it look like a cave...

Back to the nursery: we decided that in order to rent the house we will have to paint parts of the house. The nursery was one of the rooms we needed to paint. So we decided to spend our weekend painting. It is so humid outside that there is no point in being outside anyway. We primed and painted two walls and parts of the ceiling. Have I told you that I absolutely hate popcorn ceilings? If you have to make a decision what ceiling to put in your new house, never go for popcorn ceiling. It is the worst to paint and it is really difficult to get it off once you decide that you don't like it any more... We still have some work to do, but we might not get to it today.

Hubby is going to play soccer and I have a surprise party to go to for the friend of ours that is expecting twins. It is not supposed to be a baby shower her husband said. Can you imagine that I am not really looking forward to it? She has been very insensitive before and during her pregnancy towards me. She is the one that asked me about three weeks after my second miscarriage (which she knew about): "So when are you getting ready to get pregnant again?" And that despite the fact that she had had a miscarriage before and knew how difficult it is. But I guess I need to go, so I have to get ready.

We also have a friend coming into town today and staying with us. Now that the guest bedroom is a current project, the only thing we can offer him is our living room couch or our floor (which is really comfortable). At least he will be a good excuse to leave the party...

Have a wonderful Sunday.

A sad story on the way to work

When I just walked to the office from the metro, I noticed a young woman sitting on a street corner. She looked like she was homeless. I had already passed her when something urged me to go back. I went back and took a closer look. That look confirmed what I thought I had seen.

She was about 7 to 8 months pregnant. I watched like a stranger offered her a smoothie that she had bought for her. I turned around and went back towards my office, then I thought: Maybe she needs help. So I turned around again (people must have thought I am crazy going back and forth several times) and walked up to her. She was wearing a dirty red shirt with a hole in it and a dirty jeans. Her body looked very thin apart from the pregnancy. I told her that I had seen her sitting there at the corner and asked her whether she was o.k.. She looked at me with a smile that showed the only tooth she had left and said she was o.k.. It seemed to me like she was on drugs. When I continued to walk towards my office I had to keep back the tears that came running down my face. I was hurting so much for the unborn life she was carrying inside. What life will she offer to this child? A life on the street with drugs?

I wondered what I could do to help her and her baby. I asked myself whether I should have called help. But I didn't know whom and by the time the system works and sends someone she will probably be gone...

I pray that she will find a way to care and provide for this child. If she can't do it herself, I hope she will find good parents for this baby. Parents that have longed for so long to have a child and will be able to shower it with all the love they have to give.

Or not completed...

The agency sent me a fax yesterday. To my work. Unfortunately they didn't call before so that I could stand next to the phone and get it. This way my colleague could look at the numbers and the costs of our adoption. I am very upset about this and sent them an email.

They also need our 2007 tax return. And they want us to sign the paperwork that we have already signed. AGAIN.

We still have not heard any update on the pregnancy.

Homework for the agency completed!

Today I feel like a little girl who finally has completed her homework after a long day of studying and can go play in the yard. We had to read two books for the agency and answer some questions on the books. My hubby finished reading the second book last weekend and yesterday night we finally had time to do the homework. I had already started it and he added some thoughts. We ended up sending the homework via email to the agency.

Now all of our tasks for the agency are completed. We also asked them whether they could update us a little on the situation and the pregnancy. We don't know where to fly in two months and a week. Or maybe earlier? A friend of mine said recently that if a woman already had several kids, they baby might come earlier. We will see...

I hope we will get an update soon. I am longing for contact with the birthmom. I would like to know how she is doing and how she is feeling. I would like to know whether she could send us some ultrasound pictures of the baby. Maybe then it would finally sink in that this baby is coming like my husband always says. He is such an incredible optimist. But I have to respect that she doesn't want any contact right now. Maybe that is her way of coping.

Last week-end we cut of another link from our paper chain. Now there are only 10 weeks left until our baby is born. But it feels like an eternity.

My brother and his girl-friend flew back home yesterday. It was so nice to have them in town. They are great cooks and we got really spoiled. Poor hubby had two weeks off cooking, but tonight he has to get back to work. I might have written it in an earlier post. The past two and a half years I cooked most week-nights because hubby came home late from work. Because I am working now and going to school, he has taken over the kitchen. And I really love it. He is a great cook.