Another thing to cross of the list

Yesterday morning we had the doctor's appointment with my RE for the adoption forms. Of course, they didn't have the test results from November from me, so I had to do it all over. We even did our TB test there. Tomorrow the results should be in and I will pick them up.
I also asked the doctor about my FSH level. He didn't seem too concerned as they are fluctuating. He told us the story of him being new in town many years ago. At that time most doctors wouldn't accept patients with high FSH levels. Because he was new, he had to accept them in order to generate some business. And he would see these patients get pregnant. I asked about the AMH test. AMH stands for Anti-Malaria-Hormone which is produced by the follicles. It is assumed that they would produce less if the ovarian reserve is limited. But what does it mean?

My RE doesn't think that all those levels indicate whether we can have children or not. But he was pretty sure that because I have had elevated FSH levels twice, I am more likely to start menopause earlier than the average woman. So instead of 51-53, it could be two years earlier or 10 years earlier. He doesn't know.

Hubbie is doing his fingerprints tomorrow. His employment letter arrived in the mail yesterday. Tomorrow afternoon we will mail all the paperwork we have collected so far to the agency.

And hubbie will work on his biography over Christmas. I can already see that won't be happening as we are going to North Carolina to see his family. We will spend our time with them and there won't be time to do the biography... We'll see. Hopefully before New Year's eve.

I called one adoption agency in Texas, but they haven't called me back yet. I also send them an email asking about how many families they have currently waiting and how many placements they do on average in a year. They wrote me back that I can find all their information on their homepage. I guess they don't want us as clients.

Because it was so much fun to do all this paperwork, I actually started to fill out the forms to apply for the U.S. citizenship.

On a different note: Homer is gone. I noticed that he wasn't at this usual bench for a couple of weeks now. His stuff was still there, so I wasn't too concerned first. I thought he must have just gone to get a coffee or something. When I didn't see him for a couple of days, I began to worry. Then one morning last week, I walked through the park and saw another homeless guy standing next to Homer's bench and stuff. I asked him whether he knew what had happened to Homer. And he told me was taking care of Homer's stuff and that he wasn't sure that Homer was still alive or not. He had been taken to the hospital because of the cold. I was shocked. I asked whether he knew his last name and of course, he didn't know it. And then I asked which hospital he should be in. He told me that he should be in George Washington Hospital a few blocks from here.

When I got to the office, I called GW Hospital to find out whether they could tell me something about Homer. Without a last name, there was no chance that he could be found they told me. I really wish I could visit him and see how he is doing. I am sure he doesn't have any visitors coming. I assume that being in the hospital, lying in a bed and getting served three meals a day is way better than to live in a park, especially when the weather is in the low 40ies. But I pray that he is doing alright. I miss him on my way to the Metro after work.

Oh, what are you doing here???

This morning I think I had the most embarrassing moment at my RE's office. I think I mentioned in a previous post, that everybody is just sitting there and nobody talks. Well today, that certainly changed. When I was signing in, I heard the nurse call a woman with a name that I know. I don't really know her very well, but she is one of my husband's colleagues and I have seen her on several occasions. So I decided to say "Hi" to her. The conservation went something along the lines of:

Me: "Hi, I didn't know you were coming here, too."

She: "How are things?"

At that point I thought she was referring to being at the doctor's office.

Me: "Oh the usual. Endometriosis and stuff. How about you?"

She: "Oh work has been pretty busy lately. And I had a great Thanksgiving." Then the conversation was about work and stuff until I was called in for my bloodwork.

I felt completely embarrassed and awkward that I had shared with her information about what was going on with us and she completely ignored it and went on to talk about work. I mean, she is sitting in an RE's office waiting room. It is pretty obvious that she is there for a reason. I believe she is single, so maybe she was too embarrassed to talk about it. But hey, we are probably feeling a similar kind of pain about not having kids. Why not support each other? I don't think you can have enough support while you are dealing with infertility. The support that I get from this online community has been great so far. I started to get comments and am always very excited to read them. I am so excited that there seem to be some people that actually read what I am writing. And with my new counter I can even track where they are coming from.

I am also pretty open with our struggles. I mean, I don't share it with everybody that I first meet, but most of our friends are in the loop. Why hide that we have after more than three years of marriage a desire for children?

Yesterday I sent my brother a link to read this blog. He knows about our struggles. Probably he can't really relate to it, as he doesn't seem to have the same deep desire to have children as me. But I don't mind him reading about what is going on in our life. And this way at least he can stay connected a little even if he is so far away. And I really miss him.

Update: My progesterone level was 13,9. They would rather see 15. My doctor wants me to use progesterone twice daily.

The Blogger Flame of Fortitude

Lori has awarded me the Blogger Flame of Fortitude.



I feel very honored to receive this torch as it recognizes our battle scars, our victories, our defeats and our courage in facing infertility.

Here is a quote from Jenna who created this torch:

"You are receiving this honor because you have embodied perseverance in the face of difficulty and shared the journey of your experiences with others proving that a single voice can both be a light of support and a source or humor for those in the midst of their struggle. You are acknowledged here today for allowing others to share in your personal story and providing camaraderie through the power of your words. Each of you has faced a struggle that seems insurmountable to others and you have persevered. For some of you this resiliency was always a part of your character and for others, it was your struggle with infertility that awakened it from deep within you. Regardless of passion, stubbornness, a calling to a greater purpose or a refusal to admit defeat, you are an eternal flame of commitment. You are a veteran of your circumstances and you deserve recognition for your journey."

I would like to pass on the torch to: Katie.

Went to the doctor's office this morning. Attention, this might be too much information: AF is not really a full flow, it is more like brown blood. Weird. I wonder whether that is from the progesteron.

The nurse did a blood test this morning. It took forever as it was three vials. Then the other nurse did a sonogramm. Everything looked fine, except two cysts in one ovary. But she thought they are not Endo cysts, but rather normal cycle cysts. I have to call them this afternoon for the results. They also measured my blood pressure, my height, and weight, and I had to leave some urine for testing. All of the last staff is already for the adoption examination. I had asked the agency whether they could email me the forms for the doctor. They emailed me the forms and so I can already do something that we will need anyway for our home study... That way I at least feel like I am making some progress.

Still no news from the agency. I might have to call to make sure they received our paperwork...

A positive meeting with my RE

I have to update my last post. Once the clock hit 7:30 p.m. the kids started pouring in to trick or treat. We ended up having at least 25-30 kids. Some of them had really sweet costumes. I can't wait for the day when we will be able to go to do this with our kids. But that will still take a while... Once again DH showed his amazing skills with kids. He will be a great dad. I can't wait to see him become one.

Thank god, it is Friday. I look forward to having time off and relax a little bit. I will be traveling part of next week so I need to get my stuff ready. I just got back from my RE Dr. Wonderful. He is super nice and we really like him. I went in there really prepared. I brought my cycle charts along and had made a list with all the questions I wanted to discuss with him.

He doesn't think I have a luteal phase problem. He thinks that my progesteron levels just don't reflect yet in my blood. And he is not opposed to me taking progesteron to be on the safe side.

Dr. Wonderful will start the paperwork today so that we can do two IUI cycles before the end of the year. He prefers a stimulated cycle with injectables. Makes probably sense.

On the Miscarriage diagnosis, he still thinks that it is the endometriosis that is causing the miscarriages or failed implantation.

And he has worked with our adoption agency before, so that is good as well. He will be able to do all the paperwork they request. So one more problem solved.

Why not try IUI???

Last night we had our weekly bible study group. We meet once a week and discuss how we can integrate the bible in our daily life.

When one of our small group leaders asked for prayer request my dh actually shared with our group that we just started the adoption process. I felt a little weird first, because we don't really know a lot of the people in that group very well. And discussing infertility with them made me feel a little unfortable. But I guess the more people know the better the chance of finding a birthmother through our extended network of families and friends. The others were very supportive and we found out that the mother of one of the girls was adopted and that our leader has actually an adopted sister. It is strange, that whenever you share adoption with others that people can really relate to it and I was really surprised how many people are adopted or have an adopted family member. If you think about the scrutinity of the whole process I am surprised that so many people are adopting. Most of them must have done a home study and have been going through the same emotions and struggles as us.

On Friday I have an appointment with my RE. We have fulfilled our deductible for this year and our health insurance covers three IUIs per lifetime. So why not just use at least two of them this year??? I don't think we will stay with this health insurance forever, so we can it as long as they cover it anyway.

I don't really expect a positive outcome from the IUIs, but why not give it a try? I know that the chances of success are only 15% if everything is perfect. An normal IVF cycle has a 40% success chance, so obviously it is much higher. But IUI is much cheaper. And we only would have to pay 10% of the eligible expenses... Maybe we can still squeaze in two cycles this year...