I am playing the Four Things Game today
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Publish Post
Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. First job in a supermarket when I was 10.
2. Hostess for trade fairs and exhibitions during college
3. Chief of Staff in a Parliament
4. Director of Programs (currently)
Four movies I Have watched more than once:
1. Forrest Gump
2. Legally Blonde
3. Spiderman
4. A River runs trough it
Four TV Shows I Watch Faithfully
1. Desperate Housewives
2. The Unit
3. 24
4. Tyra Banks Show
Four Places I have Vacationed
1. Italy
2. Brazil
3. Namibia
4. Denmark
Four of my Favorite Foods:
1. Spinach with eggs and potatoes
2. My mom's duck with dumplings
3. Sashimi
4. Pasta
Four Places I would rather be right now:
1. cuddling with my husband
2. Italy
3. with my family
4. with my best friend
Four Things I am looking forward to next year
1. Moving to a different continent
2. Having my little sister visit us in March
3. Having my brother visit us in May
4. Hopefully finalizing an adoption
Four Hobbies I have:
1. playing Minigolf
2. Sudoku
3. Reading
4. Networking
Consider yourself tagged and tell me four things about you.
Oh, the adoption agency called. In my office. They left a message. In my colleagues voice mail. About our intake meeting and being not in fertility treatment at this current time. Thank you very much! This is really pissing me off! Unfortunately that is not a good start.
They have my cell phone number. Why do they have to leave voice mail with my colleague. We are a small office, but something like this is definitely not appropriate and not acceptable. Of course the lady was gone when I had a chance to call back. I left a message - in her voice mail... (not her colleagues, I made sure that I had the right voice mail).
Thursday, November 15, 2007
The Blogger Flame of Fortitude
Lori has awarded me the Blogger Flame of Fortitude.
I feel very honored to receive this torch as it recognizes our battle scars, our victories, our defeats and our courage in facing infertility.
Here is a quote from Jenna who created this torch:
"You are receiving this honor because you have embodied perseverance in the face of difficulty and shared the journey of your experiences with others proving that a single voice can both be a light of support and a source or humor for those in the midst of their struggle. You are acknowledged here today for allowing others to share in your personal story and providing camaraderie through the power of your words. Each of you has faced a struggle that seems insurmountable to others and you have persevered. For some of you this resiliency was always a part of your character and for others, it was your struggle with infertility that awakened it from deep within you. Regardless of passion, stubbornness, a calling to a greater purpose or a refusal to admit defeat, you are an eternal flame of commitment. You are a veteran of your circumstances and you deserve recognition for your journey."
I would like to pass on the torch to: Katie.
Went to the doctor's office this morning. Attention, this might be too much information: AF is not really a full flow, it is more like brown blood. Weird. I wonder whether that is from the progesteron.
The nurse did a blood test this morning. It took forever as it was three vials. Then the other nurse did a sonogramm. Everything looked fine, except two cysts in one ovary. But she thought they are not Endo cysts, but rather normal cycle cysts. I have to call them this afternoon for the results. They also measured my blood pressure, my height, and weight, and I had to leave some urine for testing. All of the last staff is already for the adoption examination. I had asked the agency whether they could email me the forms for the doctor. They emailed me the forms and so I can already do something that we will need anyway for our home study... That way I at least feel like I am making some progress.
Still no news from the agency. I might have to call to make sure they received our paperwork...
I feel very honored to receive this torch as it recognizes our battle scars, our victories, our defeats and our courage in facing infertility.
Here is a quote from Jenna who created this torch:
"You are receiving this honor because you have embodied perseverance in the face of difficulty and shared the journey of your experiences with others proving that a single voice can both be a light of support and a source or humor for those in the midst of their struggle. You are acknowledged here today for allowing others to share in your personal story and providing camaraderie through the power of your words. Each of you has faced a struggle that seems insurmountable to others and you have persevered. For some of you this resiliency was always a part of your character and for others, it was your struggle with infertility that awakened it from deep within you. Regardless of passion, stubbornness, a calling to a greater purpose or a refusal to admit defeat, you are an eternal flame of commitment. You are a veteran of your circumstances and you deserve recognition for your journey."
I would like to pass on the torch to: Katie.
Went to the doctor's office this morning. Attention, this might be too much information: AF is not really a full flow, it is more like brown blood. Weird. I wonder whether that is from the progesteron.
The nurse did a blood test this morning. It took forever as it was three vials. Then the other nurse did a sonogramm. Everything looked fine, except two cysts in one ovary. But she thought they are not Endo cysts, but rather normal cycle cysts. I have to call them this afternoon for the results. They also measured my blood pressure, my height, and weight, and I had to leave some urine for testing. All of the last staff is already for the adoption examination. I had asked the agency whether they could email me the forms for the doctor. They emailed me the forms and so I can already do something that we will need anyway for our home study... That way I at least feel like I am making some progress.
Still no news from the agency. I might have to call to make sure they received our paperwork...
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Isn't it terrible, what is going on in the DRC?
, , You might not know this about me, yet, but I am very interested in Africa.
Therefore I was shocked to watch what terrible things are going on in the DR Congo every day.
http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=07/10/08/1340255
Christine Schuler mentioned that you all can help if you talk about what is going on there. This will hopefully increase press coverage and pressure on our politicians to do something about it.
Here is a link to another article on the atrocities:
http://www.glamour.com/news/articles/2007/08/reallifedrama
I don't really know what to say. It seems so cruel what human beings are capable of doing to each other... I wish I could just go there and adopt a girl to prevent it from having a destiny like this...
AF finally arrived this morning and I called the doctor's office. I will go in there tomorrow morning and then we will officially start our first IUI after three IVF attempts. Normally it is the other way around and you do first IUI and then IVF. But in our case due to financial issues, we will do it this way. As I wrote in an earlier post, I don't really expect it to work anyway as the chances are only 15%... But who knows. I am a little disappointed that AF came so late. If we wanted to do another one this year, it would have to be approximately on Xmas eve. I don't even know whether our doctor's office will be open that day. So it might be just this one... But hey, it is open season and we will be able to get out off our crappy health insurance.
No news from the adoption agency, yet. I am getting nervous that I haven't heard anything. I have to check with them that they received the paperwork. I'll do this tomorrow.
I am thinking about whether we should switch to international adoption. If we have such a hard time to get everything done before we move overseas, it might be easier if we just adopt from overseas. But I also really would like a newborn or an infant. And that seems not possible in an international adoption. Just an idea... If we find out during the home study that our time line doesn't work, we can still switch...
Therefore I was shocked to watch what terrible things are going on in the DR Congo every day.
http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=07/10/08/1340255
Christine Schuler mentioned that you all can help if you talk about what is going on there. This will hopefully increase press coverage and pressure on our politicians to do something about it.
Here is a link to another article on the atrocities:
http://www.glamour.com/news/articles/2007/08/reallifedrama
I don't really know what to say. It seems so cruel what human beings are capable of doing to each other... I wish I could just go there and adopt a girl to prevent it from having a destiny like this...
AF finally arrived this morning and I called the doctor's office. I will go in there tomorrow morning and then we will officially start our first IUI after three IVF attempts. Normally it is the other way around and you do first IUI and then IVF. But in our case due to financial issues, we will do it this way. As I wrote in an earlier post, I don't really expect it to work anyway as the chances are only 15%... But who knows. I am a little disappointed that AF came so late. If we wanted to do another one this year, it would have to be approximately on Xmas eve. I don't even know whether our doctor's office will be open that day. So it might be just this one... But hey, it is open season and we will be able to get out off our crappy health insurance.
No news from the adoption agency, yet. I am getting nervous that I haven't heard anything. I have to check with them that they received the paperwork. I'll do this tomorrow.
I am thinking about whether we should switch to international adoption. If we have such a hard time to get everything done before we move overseas, it might be easier if we just adopt from overseas. But I also really would like a newborn or an infant. And that seems not possible in an international adoption. Just an idea... If we find out during the home study that our time line doesn't work, we can still switch...
Monday, November 12, 2007
Back in town
So I seriously managed to keep AF away all week while traveling. I was just popping in one progesteron after the after. It worked well and this way we can immediately start with our IUI. But who had thought, that now while I am waiting for AF, she is far from visiting. I am supposed to call the doctor's office once she is here. But of course that will take forever...
My business trip went really well. But I am still glad I am back in town. I don't really travel a lot in my job, but somehow it always seems to interfere with our family planning. The day after our first IVF transfer I had to fly out to San Diego. Of course I was completely stressed out about the timing. Then I had put my progesteron suppositories in my suitcase and couldn't take one during the flight. I was so stressed out about it... No surprise, it didn't work.
No news from the adoption agency, yet. I sent our paperwork in last week before leaving town on Wednesday.
Thank you, Lori, for helping me with the link. I managed to change it in my last post. And it is fantastic to read your comments. It is so nice to know that I am not the only one out there that is going trough infertility. The infertile sisters here provide great support. But I wish we all could leave infertile island...
Sometimes infertility hurts the whole time and I am hurting just thinking about it. And sometimes I can manage to focus on something else instead of thinking about it the whole time. But it is still always there... Wouldn't it be nice to be wondering why you are late with your period, take a home pregnancy test, find out that you are pregnant and nine months later give birth to a wonderful, healthy baby. That is what happens to most couples. But about 10 percent of the population don't have that luck. I wish I was on the other side...
My business trip went really well. But I am still glad I am back in town. I don't really travel a lot in my job, but somehow it always seems to interfere with our family planning. The day after our first IVF transfer I had to fly out to San Diego. Of course I was completely stressed out about the timing. Then I had put my progesteron suppositories in my suitcase and couldn't take one during the flight. I was so stressed out about it... No surprise, it didn't work.
No news from the adoption agency, yet. I sent our paperwork in last week before leaving town on Wednesday.
Thank you, Lori, for helping me with the link. I managed to change it in my last post. And it is fantastic to read your comments. It is so nice to know that I am not the only one out there that is going trough infertility. The infertile sisters here provide great support. But I wish we all could leave infertile island...
Sometimes infertility hurts the whole time and I am hurting just thinking about it. And sometimes I can manage to focus on something else instead of thinking about it the whole time. But it is still always there... Wouldn't it be nice to be wondering why you are late with your period, take a home pregnancy test, find out that you are pregnant and nine months later give birth to a wonderful, healthy baby. That is what happens to most couples. But about 10 percent of the population don't have that luck. I wish I was on the other side...
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Hope crushed!
I just got a call from my RE's office. The blood test I did this morning was a BFN. Again. I am on cycle day 29 today and my temperature has been up the whole time. I was so hopeful that it might have worked naturally. I didn't really have any signs of early pregnancy, but I had to pee - a lot. And so I got my hopes up. With the rising temperature. A little more, every day. And now I feel like my hopes have been crushed again.
Katie, a fellow blogger, has described in her blog "Taking the statistical bullet" exactly how I feel at this second.
http://takingthestatisticalbullet.blogspot.com/2007/10/nothing-to-see-here.html
(I don't know yet how to link a different blog that I quote to my blog, can anyone help me with this?)
I prayed for a long time this morning after a couple of months where I didn't really feel connected to god. Probably I was still angry with him and grieving about our losses. How can he let this happen? Why did he plant this strong desire to be a mom inside me if he makes it so hard to fulfill? Will I ever understand his plan for my life?
And I think I am getting weird. I thought I wait with sending out the adoption paperwork (including the check) until after I hear back from my RE's office. And then I had this weird thoughts that when I send it out before, I will be pregnant (and the money will be gone, but who cares) or if I have spent the postage, I will be pregnant. But of course when I was just on my way to the mailbox, my phone rang with the bad news.
Time to send out the adoption paperwork!!! The first step of fulfilling our dream to expand our family!
Katie, a fellow blogger, has described in her blog "Taking the statistical bullet" exactly how I feel at this second.
http://takingthestatisticalbullet.blogspot.com/2007/10/nothing-to-see-here.html
(I don't know yet how to link a different blog that I quote to my blog, can anyone help me with this?)
I prayed for a long time this morning after a couple of months where I didn't really feel connected to god. Probably I was still angry with him and grieving about our losses. How can he let this happen? Why did he plant this strong desire to be a mom inside me if he makes it so hard to fulfill? Will I ever understand his plan for my life?
And I think I am getting weird. I thought I wait with sending out the adoption paperwork (including the check) until after I hear back from my RE's office. And then I had this weird thoughts that when I send it out before, I will be pregnant (and the money will be gone, but who cares) or if I have spent the postage, I will be pregnant. But of course when I was just on my way to the mailbox, my phone rang with the bad news.
Time to send out the adoption paperwork!!! The first step of fulfilling our dream to expand our family!
Monday, November 5, 2007
A complicated relationship
Update: My mom just called. My brother's girl-friend hosted a surprise party for my brother. My parents went in. I don't know why she didn't tell me. Everything seems alright now. My brother was crying when she hugged him and congratulated him on his birthday... I am so glad that this worked out.
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I was so upset this morning. My brother has his 40th birthday today. And my parents congratulated him............ via telephone. I have to add that they live 3 miles from his house. Their excuse was that my dad couldn't climb the stairs at my brother's house (my brother lives on the third level). How can you do something like this to your son? Especially since they drove 50 miles yesterday to visit my dad's brother and his family. I was so upset when my brother told me about it. He had invited them for a coffee and they had declined. I called my mom and told her that they should at least go there and congratulate him. Even if my dad has to stay in the car and they are only ringing his doorbell to show him that they made the effort to see him. He is their son!!!
She said that he disappointed her a lot this year, but she has forgiven him. Well, if she has forgiven him, why is she behaving like a 5 year old with a tamper tantrum? Why didn't she treat him the way like the lost son in the bible??? I ended up hanging up on her wishing her a great day. I tried to call her later on, but she wouldn't answer the phone.
She even told my brother's girl-friend (with whom she spoke on the phone last night) that she thought whether she should call at all. Of course my brother's girl-friend told him. I don't even want to imagine how much that must have hurt him.
The relationship between my parents and my brother has always been difficult and a complicated one, more so in the last 15 years. I believe my mom is upset that my brother doesn't give her the support she might like with my dad. My dad had a stroke two years ago and hasn't been doing so well since then. He spent 84 days in hospitals this year alone...
My brother has his own business, so he doesn't have the time to take care about the family farm (we don't have any animals any more, but still several fields which are leased). And he is visiting my parents regularly. Maybe not as often as they would like, but he comes there about once a week.
I am still so freaking angry about my mom. I don't really know what to do. They live in Europe, so I can't go and talk to her about it. Why do family relation-ships have to be so complicated???
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I was so upset this morning. My brother has his 40th birthday today. And my parents congratulated him............ via telephone. I have to add that they live 3 miles from his house. Their excuse was that my dad couldn't climb the stairs at my brother's house (my brother lives on the third level). How can you do something like this to your son? Especially since they drove 50 miles yesterday to visit my dad's brother and his family. I was so upset when my brother told me about it. He had invited them for a coffee and they had declined. I called my mom and told her that they should at least go there and congratulate him. Even if my dad has to stay in the car and they are only ringing his doorbell to show him that they made the effort to see him. He is their son!!!
She said that he disappointed her a lot this year, but she has forgiven him. Well, if she has forgiven him, why is she behaving like a 5 year old with a tamper tantrum? Why didn't she treat him the way like the lost son in the bible??? I ended up hanging up on her wishing her a great day. I tried to call her later on, but she wouldn't answer the phone.
She even told my brother's girl-friend (with whom she spoke on the phone last night) that she thought whether she should call at all. Of course my brother's girl-friend told him. I don't even want to imagine how much that must have hurt him.
The relationship between my parents and my brother has always been difficult and a complicated one, more so in the last 15 years. I believe my mom is upset that my brother doesn't give her the support she might like with my dad. My dad had a stroke two years ago and hasn't been doing so well since then. He spent 84 days in hospitals this year alone...
My brother has his own business, so he doesn't have the time to take care about the family farm (we don't have any animals any more, but still several fields which are leased). And he is visiting my parents regularly. Maybe not as often as they would like, but he comes there about once a week.
I am still so freaking angry about my mom. I don't really know what to do. They live in Europe, so I can't go and talk to her about it. Why do family relation-ships have to be so complicated???
Friday, November 2, 2007
A positive meeting with my RE
I have to update my last post. Once the clock hit 7:30 p.m. the kids started pouring in to trick or treat. We ended up having at least 25-30 kids. Some of them had really sweet costumes. I can't wait for the day when we will be able to go to do this with our kids. But that will still take a while... Once again DH showed his amazing skills with kids. He will be a great dad. I can't wait to see him become one.
Thank god, it is Friday. I look forward to having time off and relax a little bit. I will be traveling part of next week so I need to get my stuff ready. I just got back from my RE Dr. Wonderful. He is super nice and we really like him. I went in there really prepared. I brought my cycle charts along and had made a list with all the questions I wanted to discuss with him.
He doesn't think I have a luteal phase problem. He thinks that my progesteron levels just don't reflect yet in my blood. And he is not opposed to me taking progesteron to be on the safe side.
Dr. Wonderful will start the paperwork today so that we can do two IUI cycles before the end of the year. He prefers a stimulated cycle with injectables. Makes probably sense.
On the Miscarriage diagnosis, he still thinks that it is the endometriosis that is causing the miscarriages or failed implantation.
And he has worked with our adoption agency before, so that is good as well. He will be able to do all the paperwork they request. So one more problem solved.
Thank god, it is Friday. I look forward to having time off and relax a little bit. I will be traveling part of next week so I need to get my stuff ready. I just got back from my RE Dr. Wonderful. He is super nice and we really like him. I went in there really prepared. I brought my cycle charts along and had made a list with all the questions I wanted to discuss with him.
He doesn't think I have a luteal phase problem. He thinks that my progesteron levels just don't reflect yet in my blood. And he is not opposed to me taking progesteron to be on the safe side.
Dr. Wonderful will start the paperwork today so that we can do two IUI cycles before the end of the year. He prefers a stimulated cycle with injectables. Makes probably sense.
On the Miscarriage diagnosis, he still thinks that it is the endometriosis that is causing the miscarriages or failed implantation.
And he has worked with our adoption agency before, so that is good as well. He will be able to do all the paperwork they request. So one more problem solved.
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