On Thursday I had a bad day. A friend of mine told me about her pregnancy. It's the usual. Of course I am happy for her. But I thought: if this doesn't work out for us, then I'll see her growing belly and be constantly be reminded about our failure. I was a little sad about this. I also had my first acupuncture appointment. I told the doctor about this and she wanted to work with my emotions a lot. The doctor uses less needles than my previous acupuncturist and she concentrates them around my belly button. After the acupuncture treatment she used like a little torch/candle on my belly and on my spleen. I had never heard about that before. I don't know what she did, but I felt much better afterwards. I also went on Friday and yesterday. My next appointment is on Thursday. I continue to try to stay positive now.
On Friday I had my first check with the doctor after I started stimulations. I went there and she told me she was really concerned how I was reacting to the stims when she came in. Then she did the ultrasound and was very happy. It looks like I am responding very well to the stimulation. She found about 7-8 follicles on the left ovary, measuring around 9 mm and the right ovary made an rare appearance with 2-3 follicles. I really hope those little follicles continue to grow like this and we will get that many eggs. That would be wonderful. We are continuing on the same dosis and tomorrow morning I have to go in for bloodwork and then I have a doctor's appointment in the afternoon. We might do retrieval as early as next Friday! Retrieval scares me, because I don't like the IV that is connected with it...
I love, love, love my doctor. She is about my age and super competent and sweet!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Busted
Yesterday we did another round of shots. This time we feel so clumsy with them. The last three times seem easy compared to this time. The first night we splattered glass all around the kitchen while trying to open the vials. Yesterday when I went to pay for the medication, I asked at the doctor's office how to open them and they showed me an easier way to do it (but it can still break in your fingers).
Then last night after dh had taken the fluid from the third vial and mixed with the medication, the syringe didn't work and released the $50/shot fluid all over the kitchen counter.
Fortunately we have enough vials for the next two days (unless an accident like that happens again) and then on Friday I have to go see the doctor again. When he put in one of the shots, the syringe came back out, so he had to stick it in again. He claims that I moved, but of course that's not true.
But while we received this great training in the U.S. on how to administer the shots, we feel like idiots this time around. We should be pros, having been through this already three times before... I can definitely say that the equipment was easier to handle in the U.S.
Let's hope we become less clumsy and the equipment doesn't refuse to work in the future...
Then last night after dh had taken the fluid from the third vial and mixed with the medication, the syringe didn't work and released the $50/shot fluid all over the kitchen counter.
Fortunately we have enough vials for the next two days (unless an accident like that happens again) and then on Friday I have to go see the doctor again. When he put in one of the shots, the syringe came back out, so he had to stick it in again. He claims that I moved, but of course that's not true.
But while we received this great training in the U.S. on how to administer the shots, we feel like idiots this time around. We should be pros, having been through this already three times before... I can definitely say that the equipment was easier to handle in the U.S.
Let's hope we become less clumsy and the equipment doesn't refuse to work in the future...
Monday, October 18, 2010
Looking for an ovary - apply within
AF arrived on Saturday night around midnight. I saw a doctor yesterday. Everything looked good, even though she couldn't find my left ovary either. But at least there were three follicles on my right ovary. Maybe the left will show up some time in the future...
Today we are starting stimulation. I have to take 3 vials of Menopur and 3 vials of Bravelle a day for 4 days and have to go back on Friday for another ultrasound. The vials with the fluid were really difficult to break. My friend who is visiting said, they usually come with a little knife, but I didn't see any. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to break them without splattering the glass all over? We never had these kind of issues in the past. Of course the introduction through a Spanish speaking nurse were not that great either...
I read in "The Infertility Cure" from Randine Lewis that L-Arginine can help poor responders to improve egg quantity and quality. That's one of the things the doctor prescribed me.
Today we are starting stimulation. I have to take 3 vials of Menopur and 3 vials of Bravelle a day for 4 days and have to go back on Friday for another ultrasound. The vials with the fluid were really difficult to break. My friend who is visiting said, they usually come with a little knife, but I didn't see any. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to break them without splattering the glass all over? We never had these kind of issues in the past. Of course the introduction through a Spanish speaking nurse were not that great either...
I read in "The Infertility Cure" from Randine Lewis that L-Arginine can help poor responders to improve egg quantity and quality. That's one of the things the doctor prescribed me.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Waiting for the start and Blogoversary
Today is day 25 of my cycle and I know it won't take long for AF to arrive. The second day I have to go to the clinic and start stims. I also just scheduled three acupuncture treatments for next week.
My Mom is here and it's great to have her here. Unfortunately she doesn't like to just sit around. She feels unproductive which I can understand. But I'd love to take her out, but she refuses to leave the house. She is just not used to be on the go all the time like we are here. I am a little sad, because there are so many things that I wanted to show her. Instead we are just sitting in the house and I feel like she's here, but she isn't because we don't spend enough quality time together. It's a difficult story and not an easy relationship. I love my Mom, I wish she would understand my life more...
On an different note: it's been more than 5 years since we began this journey to create our family. It's been full of heartbreak from so many perspectives: miscarriages, my dad's cancer. But there was light at the end of the tunnel. The light is now already 26 months old and her name is Lillian. She is the love of our lives...
I just realized that today is my three year blogoversary. I have been such a bad blogger since Lilli was born. But I can't believe it's been three years since we started the adoption process... Happy Blogoversary to me!
My Mom is here and it's great to have her here. Unfortunately she doesn't like to just sit around. She feels unproductive which I can understand. But I'd love to take her out, but she refuses to leave the house. She is just not used to be on the go all the time like we are here. I am a little sad, because there are so many things that I wanted to show her. Instead we are just sitting in the house and I feel like she's here, but she isn't because we don't spend enough quality time together. It's a difficult story and not an easy relationship. I love my Mom, I wish she would understand my life more...
On an different note: it's been more than 5 years since we began this journey to create our family. It's been full of heartbreak from so many perspectives: miscarriages, my dad's cancer. But there was light at the end of the tunnel. The light is now already 26 months old and her name is Lillian. She is the love of our lives...
I just realized that today is my three year blogoversary. I have been such a bad blogger since Lilli was born. But I can't believe it's been three years since we started the adoption process... Happy Blogoversary to me!
Friday, October 1, 2010
Let the games begin...
Not that anyone is still reading this blog as I have been such a bad blogger. But I still wanted to give a little updated on project S (sibling). We have moved ahead with tests and treatments.
The doctor that works on immunology issues has me taking
- Vitamin C (500, 2 daily)
- L-Arginine (1000, 2 daily)
- Folic Acid (one daily in the mornings)
- Aspirine 81 mg (evenings)
- Q10 (1 daily)
- DHEA (Fishoil, two daily)
In addition today, I started taking Prednisone (2 daily) which might be able to help with implantation.
She also advised me to go to the gym 3-5 times a week and do cardio exercise for 45 minutes. I hate working out and literally have to drag myself there, but I have been doing it for about 6 weeks.
I also met her to talk about food. She recommend no carbs in the evenings which is really hard for a carb girl like me. I am trying to stick to the meat and salad or vegetarian option, but it's hard. I love my pasta, I love my bread... I can have 1/2 cup of carbs for lunch. Two snacks are also important, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. And a healthy breakfast of course. I am trying to avoid sugar (hard!), but am cheating a little here and there.
We are starting at the next cycle. Since I am a slow responder, I don't have to do any down-regulation and my doctor will start stimulation on day two of my period. I am very excited and hope that the fourth time is our lucky charm. I feel like this time I am not such a nut-case like in the past. But because we are so blessed to have Lilli, at the end of the day, I know it's not the end of the world if it won't work. I might be the end of trying with my own eggs (and us needing to save up again until we can afford another cycle). But we can try again. I hope that this attitude will last in case I'll receive another BFN. It's in God's hand and I must trust him with this one. I am doing everything I can to make this try succeed, but he's the one who is in charge.
The doctor that works on immunology issues has me taking
- Vitamin C (500, 2 daily)
- L-Arginine (1000, 2 daily)
- Folic Acid (one daily in the mornings)
- Aspirine 81 mg (evenings)
- Q10 (1 daily)
- DHEA (Fishoil, two daily)
In addition today, I started taking Prednisone (2 daily) which might be able to help with implantation.
She also advised me to go to the gym 3-5 times a week and do cardio exercise for 45 minutes. I hate working out and literally have to drag myself there, but I have been doing it for about 6 weeks.
I also met her to talk about food. She recommend no carbs in the evenings which is really hard for a carb girl like me. I am trying to stick to the meat and salad or vegetarian option, but it's hard. I love my pasta, I love my bread... I can have 1/2 cup of carbs for lunch. Two snacks are also important, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. And a healthy breakfast of course. I am trying to avoid sugar (hard!), but am cheating a little here and there.
We are starting at the next cycle. Since I am a slow responder, I don't have to do any down-regulation and my doctor will start stimulation on day two of my period. I am very excited and hope that the fourth time is our lucky charm. I feel like this time I am not such a nut-case like in the past. But because we are so blessed to have Lilli, at the end of the day, I know it's not the end of the world if it won't work. I might be the end of trying with my own eggs (and us needing to save up again until we can afford another cycle). But we can try again. I hope that this attitude will last in case I'll receive another BFN. It's in God's hand and I must trust him with this one. I am doing everything I can to make this try succeed, but he's the one who is in charge.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
13.6
I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise to me that my FSH level is at 13.6. I probably should be thankful that it isn't higher. We don't know what this will mean for the future. I have to say that right now I am leaning towards trying donor eggs. Why bother to use my own eggs, if the result is most likely to be negative? If we try with my eggs first and have another negative, I don't know whether I can go through all of this again. We don't really have the funds to fund another round of multiple IVFs. We are still paying back for our adoption. It is just so frustrating that creating our family has become such a question of money. At least we hopefully will be able to use the adoption tax credit (which is refundable for the first time this year) to pay back some of our debt.
Of course, it would be nice to have a genetic relation to at least one of our children (my hubby still could have that), but it doesn't seem to make a difference in Lilli's case. I love her and she is my daughter. People always recognize that I didn't give birth to her and we knew that this would happen.
But you won't believe what kind of comments people here make all the time: "Is this your child?" Me: "Yes, this is my daughter!" "But how is this possible?" or my favorite "Why is she so dark and you so white?" I recently actually used the "Why do you want to know?" answer when a national guard woman at the airport asked me that question. Her response: "Because she is so beautiful!" didn't really make it better... Well, I guess, nobody ever sees an ugly white woman with a beautiful black child around here...
Or the triangle look how I call it. When we walk with Lilli and she is sitting in her stroller, people are looking at her, then at the person pushing the stroller (usually me or hubby), then at the person walking next to them. Next thing you see: the question marks in their eyes. Priceless!
Of course, it would be nice to have a genetic relation to at least one of our children (my hubby still could have that), but it doesn't seem to make a difference in Lilli's case. I love her and she is my daughter. People always recognize that I didn't give birth to her and we knew that this would happen.
But you won't believe what kind of comments people here make all the time: "Is this your child?" Me: "Yes, this is my daughter!" "But how is this possible?" or my favorite "Why is she so dark and you so white?" I recently actually used the "Why do you want to know?" answer when a national guard woman at the airport asked me that question. Her response: "Because she is so beautiful!" didn't really make it better... Well, I guess, nobody ever sees an ugly white woman with a beautiful black child around here...
Or the triangle look how I call it. When we walk with Lilli and she is sitting in her stroller, people are looking at her, then at the person pushing the stroller (usually me or hubby), then at the person walking next to them. Next thing you see: the question marks in their eyes. Priceless!
Friday, June 11, 2010
My dusty and rusty ovaries!
Sorry for the long abstinence. I just didn't have anything to say that I thought you might find interesting. I have mentioned here before that we were thinking about #2. I was doing more research on adoption, but it is difficult while we are overseas and we can't adopt here. Therefore we have decided to move forward with fertility treatments again.
Back on the roller coaster you could say. A friend of ours had recommended this clinic here to me that is supposedly one of the bests in the country. I thought "why not give it a try" and had finally scheduled an appointment.
Yesterday we went to this appointment. We didn't know where we were supposed to go and were running around for a while (being kicked out of an elevator once because a patient had to be transported - a weird thing that visitors and patients are transported on the same elevators) and finally found the place. It was like at the meat counter, we took a number for our doctor and then the waiting game began. We were waiting, and waiting, and waiting. After an hour no number had moved forward. I went to the reception to inquire and they told us that people had returned with numbers before ours and they had given them the time. So more waiting. Finally after about 3 hours of waiting they took us to an office. Then we had to wait again. Then we answered some questions. And waited again. Then they took us to an examination room. I had to take off (all) my clothes and put on some hospital gown. Then we were waiting again.
The doctor finally came and we talked for a while. After hearing our history, she feels we should do another IVF. But: and this is the important part. First she wants us to do tons of bloodtests. She said that because of my history there seems to be an immmunological problem with implantation and she wants to find out more about what is going on. There are two doctors that are only working on immunological issues in this clinic. She first wants me me to do the tests and then see one of the doctors to evaluate and then have another appointment with her (probably in August).
When she then looked at my ovaries (AF had arrived right before we left for the doctor - thank you very much!), she couldn't find one and the other one had only one follicle there. Not good indicators of what is to come. Why are those dusty and rusty ovaries not looking better?
I can only wonder how high my FSH level is going to be... She also said that in addition to all my female part problems (the uterus is tilted and the ovaries are somewhere completely deplaced) I now have in addition advanced maternal age. I am 36! But hey: 5 years ago, I didn't have that and I didn't get pregnant either. We'll see how it goes. Maybe they'll recommend donor eggs. I am on board if that helps us to get pregnant and give Lilli a sibling - or two.
I have always suspected that there could be an implantation problem, but am really excited that there is a doctor that actually wants to find out more about it. While researching I found an interesting article on this:
Is there anyone out there that has used Prednisone or IVIG and has had successful results with IVF after having miscarriages and/or failed IVFs before? I'd love to hear from you. Everyone else: I am still following your blogs and am happy for Sew Infertile and Cats with passports and We are what we repeatedly do for having made it to the other side! Congratulations to all of you!
Back on the roller coaster you could say. A friend of ours had recommended this clinic here to me that is supposedly one of the bests in the country. I thought "why not give it a try" and had finally scheduled an appointment.
Yesterday we went to this appointment. We didn't know where we were supposed to go and were running around for a while (being kicked out of an elevator once because a patient had to be transported - a weird thing that visitors and patients are transported on the same elevators) and finally found the place. It was like at the meat counter, we took a number for our doctor and then the waiting game began. We were waiting, and waiting, and waiting. After an hour no number had moved forward. I went to the reception to inquire and they told us that people had returned with numbers before ours and they had given them the time. So more waiting. Finally after about 3 hours of waiting they took us to an office. Then we had to wait again. Then we answered some questions. And waited again. Then they took us to an examination room. I had to take off (all) my clothes and put on some hospital gown. Then we were waiting again.
The doctor finally came and we talked for a while. After hearing our history, she feels we should do another IVF. But: and this is the important part. First she wants us to do tons of bloodtests. She said that because of my history there seems to be an immmunological problem with implantation and she wants to find out more about what is going on. There are two doctors that are only working on immunological issues in this clinic. She first wants me me to do the tests and then see one of the doctors to evaluate and then have another appointment with her (probably in August).
When she then looked at my ovaries (AF had arrived right before we left for the doctor - thank you very much!), she couldn't find one and the other one had only one follicle there. Not good indicators of what is to come. Why are those dusty and rusty ovaries not looking better?
I can only wonder how high my FSH level is going to be... She also said that in addition to all my female part problems (the uterus is tilted and the ovaries are somewhere completely deplaced) I now have in addition advanced maternal age. I am 36! But hey: 5 years ago, I didn't have that and I didn't get pregnant either. We'll see how it goes. Maybe they'll recommend donor eggs. I am on board if that helps us to get pregnant and give Lilli a sibling - or two.
I have always suspected that there could be an implantation problem, but am really excited that there is a doctor that actually wants to find out more about it. While researching I found an interesting article on this:
Is there anyone out there that has used Prednisone or IVIG and has had successful results with IVF after having miscarriages and/or failed IVFs before? I'd love to hear from you. Everyone else: I am still following your blogs and am happy for Sew Infertile and Cats with passports and We are what we repeatedly do for having made it to the other side! Congratulations to all of you!
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