That is how I am trying to take it right now. The weekend was really hard and I cried a lot. I felt like we lost a family member. It hurt that much.
On Saturday we met a family with two adopted girls. The mother understood me so well. We were like sisters in suffering. She was 40, when she adopted her first daughter and 43 with the second. We were introduced to someone that works with the foster system. I sent her an email today and hope to hear back from her about some contacts. You never know...
We talked to the agency today and spoke about our concerns with the time frame we are facing. We only have two months left before we leave the country. They understand our problems and will hopefully get back to us with some other suggestions. But we don't know when and that is driving me crazy... My old impatience is coming back.
It is just so hard. I allowed myself to get excited and that made me so vulnerable. I was so looking forward to August 10. Counting the days in my schedule. Ripping up silly paper chain links. Now we can start all over again. We know that it will happen, but we don't know when. I don't want to be vulnerable again, but I don't want to live the rest of my life without getting excited either.
We had to pick up some more baby stuff at our friends house yesterday and it felt so wrong picking up stuff for a baby that doesn't exist. Now we have tons of boys clothes in our house and can easily survive the first three months. If we get matched with a baby girl, she will have to wear tons of blue clothes. But that is okay. I'd rather have a girl wearing blue clothes than blue clothes without a baby to wear them.
7 comments:
The difficulties and uncertainties are so hard to get through. Like you said about getting excited and being vulnerable, it is a hard line to know what you should be feeling at times. I'm thinking of you.
I have no words that will likely comfort you, but we'll chat more tomorrow.
Yoka, I am so sorry. Each day will get a little easier and hopefully you are matched with somebody else soon. Hugs to you and you go through this again.
There are no words. Only thoughts, tears, and hugs. Hang in there, you're not alone!
I can't imagine Yoka! I'm so sorry! God bless!
Oh, Yoka. This is just breaking my heart. I am still holding out hope that maybe the birthmother will change her mind back to you guys. You just never know.
Thinking of you. Praying for you.
I'm new to your blog and wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
You are strong and you will get through this.
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