As I am typing this post sweet Lilli is sleeping on my shoulder. A wonderful feeling. Her warm and cuddly body is so sweet. I just kissed her and she started smiling - in her sleep. She is smiling a lot recently, especially if I talk to her or in the mornings when I change her diapers. Her smile is priceless and the cutest smile in the world (for me at least). She smiles with her tongue between her lips. Too cute. I will post some pictures in a later post.
We sent out the first package to Lilli's first mom. I hope she has received the pictures by now. Every day I am wondering how she is doing. The agency liked one of the pictures we had sent them so much that they would like to use that picture for their homepage. I took that picture and it makes me proud that they like it so much.
We have been busy this morning to apply for a passport for Lilli. Usually this isn't possible before finalization of the adoption. But you guys know that we will be moving soon to Venezuela. When we picked our agency that was one of the deal breakers. If the agency wouldn't let us take the baby out of the country for six months, we would have to find an agency that was willing to work with us. Our agency was very open and had experience with families abroad. But in order to get the passport we need a court approval. Therefore we had a lawyer file a motion for us with the court that allows us to apply for a passport. We had received that motion a couple of days ago with Lilli's birth certificate in the mail. Lilli had her pictures taken and then we applied for her passport.
In the passport office another lady asked about her nationality and I am starting to get annoyed by this question. Therefore I answered "She is American. We are just applying for her US passport". She then said "No, I mean what is her origin?" I said: "Oh, you mean her ethnicity. She is African-American." I don't mind that people can see that she is not our biological child, but I sometimes wonder what they read into seeing her. What assumptions are they making about us? Are they thinking: "Oh, I bet, they had fertility problems and adopted therefore"? Or are they thinking "I wonder whether she had that child with another man. Or did he have that child with another woman?" I can understand when people decide not to adopt trans-racially. People just assume these are your biological children and don't ask many questions.
We automatically stand out as a family. I am happy that we adopted trans-racially and don't regret our decision. We wouldn't have Lilli if we wouldn't have made that decisions. And I love the fact that in our family we all have different colors. But we are facing many questions and curiosity from people on the street that ask about adoption. I am usually happy to educate them and share our story, but sometimes it can get annoying. I wonder how it will be for Lilli once she gets older. She will have to face these questions, too. And I want to protect her from hurtful comments and questions.
3 comments:
I really admire everything you're doing. Lilli couldn't have been placed with a better family! Unique problems for a unique and special family...
I imagine (don't know first-hand) that it will get easier with time. And Lilli won't know any different, so hopefully the questions she gets won't be terribly hurtful...
I think things are getting easier for trans-racial adoptive families. But it's still a fairly new phenomenon and hopefully by the time Lilli is older these questions will just be silly!
I think these issues add a whole new layer to adoption when you adopt trans racially. I've given this lots of thought because we are also open to a baby from a different race. I think one thing you can do that will be helpful to Lilli as she grows is to (once you are settled in your new home) find other families who are similar. The more "normal" your situation is in your daily lives, the less of an issue any of these things will be.
Good luck...I don't think the questions you raise are easy ones to answer. My hunch is that it gets easier with time and experience.
I always hated the race/ethnicity question too. It shows how clueless some people really are. I am sure you will explain it to your daughter in a wonderful way. You can talk about how loved she is and how everybody in your family is a little different from each other but that is what makes you a family.
Glad your little girl is doing so well.
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