I confess: I dated bad guys!!!

I am really early in the office this morning. I had to drop hubby off for an early morning ride to New York City where he will spend the next two days on a business trip. So I am home alone. I hate being home alone. The house feels different without him.

I miss waking up next to him in the morning. I miss seeing him get dressed. I miss kissing him goodbye in the morning. I miss waiting for him in the evenings. I miss kissing him when he comes home. I miss spending time with him. I miss talking to him. I miss having dinner with him. I miss watching TV with him, cuddled up next to his shoulder. I also miss kissing him goodnight. I even miss his snoring during the night.

He is my longest relationship. We have been together that I can't even think back to those pre-hubby single days. I never enjoyed being single. I always wanted to be with the person that was destined to be with me. And I have been trough a lot of trial and errors and kissed many frogs, before I met my prince. It took a really long time until he came along.

I had a history of dating men that were not good for me. Most of them didn't really love me. And I tried really hard to make them fall in love with me. But of course, that didn't really work. The few men that did actually love me, I didn't treat very good. The less someone was interested in me, the more I wanted him to like me. It was a strange thing and I didn't realize what I was doing to myself for a very long time. And had one crazy relationship after the other.

In 2001 I had met this guy at a ball. He was 39 at that time and had never lived with someone. We started a long-distance relationship and traveled back and forth. He was very particular. He loved his apartment and was a complete germophobic. I did the dishes one day and wasn't allowed to dry my hands on the dish towel that I had just used. Because my germs could stick to the towel.

He had a particular way to shake out his comforters. Of course I didn't do it right. He didn't have a toilet brush in his bathroom, so whenever I needed to use one, I had to go into his storage room to get it.

He had this job in a bank where he wouldn't go before noon. He didn't have anyone to report to. When he went to work, he usually had had his first beer already.

And he was cheap. He earned four times my salary, but wanted us to split all expenses even. And did I mention that he thought I was too fat? I am 5'10'' and weighed 136 pounds at that time.

When my dad had cancer he was more concerned about getting his Xmas present at Xmas than about how my dad or I were doing...

And I? I had a very low self-esteem and dated him for more than a year. I was 28 at that time and thought I'll never find someone. When I finally after another episode of him being creepy found the courage to break up with him. I swore myself that I didn't want to be with someone any more that didn't really love me.

And a couple of months later, I met my hubby. And he has shown me his interest in me from the beginning. I was first very hesitating. This felt different from everything I had ever experienced before. And it took me a while to understand that he was the best thing that could have happened to me. I nearly screwed it up. But I am so glad that in the end, I realized that he was the one for me. And while I usually fell for someone and my feelings would decrease after a while. With him, it is the opposite. Since I met him my feelings for him grow every day. And I can't imagine my life without him.

Another year down the road

Today is our third Wedding Anniversary. I can't believe how lucky I am to have such a great husband. He is amazing and I love him more every single day.

When I was younger I used to date guys that were not so much into me. It gave me a lot of heartache. But more than four years ago when I met my husband, it was different. He really liked me from the start. I wasn't sure at the beginning, because he was so different from all the crazy guys I have dated. But then I completely fell in love with him and I still don't know how it happened. It was like a light in my brain that was switched on.

He is the most amazing person ever. He is my best friend and he has a great sense of humor, which is so important in every relationship. Even when I am mad at him, it takes him 3 seconds to make me laugh. He has the most beautiful big brown eyes you have ever seen. He is very faithful and started a relationship with God at only 5 years old. I am learning from him every single day. He makes me a better person. The last three years haven't been easy with us moving overseas from Europe to the US, buying a house, starting new jobs, my Dad and his Mom being really sick (my Dad had a stroke two years ago and his Mom was dealing with breast cancer last year) and - the most painful of all - dealing with endometriosis and two surgeries as well as the pain of infertility. These three years haven't been easy and I guess a lot of couples would have separated by now with everything we have been through. But I believe that it has actually made us stronger. We have been through so much, we can do nearly everything...

Happy anniversary, honey!!!
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