Last Friday when I was on my way home I received a message on my voice mail from my hubby. The out of state agency had called him and asked him to send the pictures over so that we can be shown today. He wanted me to send the file to them, but I had already left the office.
Then our social worker called. She wanted to ask whether it would be o.k. for us if she brings along a new colleague to shadow her at our home visit tonight. I told her the whole story and my concerns about communication not working in the agency. She recommended I should call today.
When hubby came home, we compressed the file as much as possible and sent it again to the agency. I also left a message on the mailbox of the lady that had called hubby. He talked to her on Saturday and she said that she has received our file and that we were shown today to the birth parents. I don't even want to get excited about it, because I am concerned about being completely disappointed afterwards... So I just take it as it comes.
On Saturday we took our baby basics class for adoptive parents. They had a nurse and an adoptive mom teach the class. We learned basics on feeding, diapering, and bathing the baby, baby-proofing the house, and answering questions/comments from strangers. Most of the other couples were in the domestic program and one couple is adopting from South Korea. We were very surprised to learn that there are only 5 things you really need before baby comes home.
- Diapers
- Formula
- Feeding Bottles
- Clothes
- Car Seat
Everything else that you might need or want can be bought later. Once I saw that list, not having bought anything yet, doesn't seem so overwhelming anymore. Looks like we can get all of that stuff with one run to Target.
After the class we decided to buy the book: What to expect the first year.. Which was a big step for me. Because I didn't really want to get anything before we have a referral. But I guess I can at least read a little before I won't have time any more... We drove to the store, where we were strolling around the baby book aisle, when we ran into a colleague from my hubby and his family. I didn't want him to see the book, because I wanted to avoid being congratulated on being pregnant. I silently took the book behind my husbands back, so that the colleague wouldn't see it. And I kept hiding it behind my back. Have I mentioned it is a pretty heavy book?
Later we met another couple, where I know him from work. They asked us whether we had kids and I admitted that we were in the process of adoption and showed them the book from behind my back. It turns out the wife is also adopted... It is amazing how many people's lives have been touched by adoption in one way or another.
Yesterday we were working to get the house ready for tonight's home visit. For dinner we met two couples who are also in the process of adoption or thinking about it. It was good to discuss some of the issues and fears we all have.
So tonight is already our final interview and the home visit. It is amazing how a couple of weeks ago I thought we would never get here. Here we are and we even have a perspective. And now I feel like everything is moving so quick and I wonder whether we are ready...
Showing posts with label social worker. Show all posts
Showing posts with label social worker. Show all posts
Monday, March 10, 2008
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
So, what are your best traits as a mother?
The meeting with the social worker went really well. I enjoy talking to her and she is great in helping you along the way.
She asked me about my relationships with my parent and brother. She also asked about how growing up was for me. I can tell you it was not easy. I didn't miss anything in a material sense. I missed spending time with my parents. I believe I have shared with you that I grew up on a farm in a rural area. We used to have dairy cows. My parents had to work a lot to make ends meet. They didn't have a lot of time available to spend with us. Even when we would have a meal as a family my parents would talk about their work most of the time. I now know that my parents really love me and care for me. But I didn't know that as a child. We never went on vacation with our parents. We went out to dinner maybe once a year (I am not kidding)! When we would take a road trip it was usually to visit my uncle who live about 50 miles away from us. My parents never really knew another life than work. Which is very sad. I would not want to live their life.
We talked for quite a while and then she asked me, what my best character traits as a mother would be. That is a really good question. I didn't really know what to say. But there is one thing for sure. This child will have so much love. Because we have so much love between us. I can't wait to share it with a child. I guess the child will also have a lot of fun. My husband and I love to laugh and we have so much fun together.
Tomorrow my husband will have his meeting with the social worker and on Monday we have our home visit. Time to start cleaning the house... I can't believe how fast we are getting ahead now. Our home study might be ready next week or the week after that. Wow!!!
I hope we can sit down this week-end and work on our profile and the questions we still have for the agency before we send in our application...
Today I met an old friend from Europe for lunch. When we were leaving the restaurant in China town a woman with a stroller on the street asked us something. I first thought she was looking for something and needed help, so I asked her what she had said. And she repeated that she needed some money for food. I was sad to hear that. Children should not have to grow up in circumstances where their mother needs to beg on the street. I pray that she overcomes the problems she might have and can provide a better future for her child.
I also was shocked about this. How can anyone do something like this to an innocent little baby? How can one human being do something like this to another? I pray for the baby who seems to be clinging on to his little life. I pray that God helps it to find a family to love it and help it overcome this horrible past.
She asked me about my relationships with my parent and brother. She also asked about how growing up was for me. I can tell you it was not easy. I didn't miss anything in a material sense. I missed spending time with my parents. I believe I have shared with you that I grew up on a farm in a rural area. We used to have dairy cows. My parents had to work a lot to make ends meet. They didn't have a lot of time available to spend with us. Even when we would have a meal as a family my parents would talk about their work most of the time. I now know that my parents really love me and care for me. But I didn't know that as a child. We never went on vacation with our parents. We went out to dinner maybe once a year (I am not kidding)! When we would take a road trip it was usually to visit my uncle who live about 50 miles away from us. My parents never really knew another life than work. Which is very sad. I would not want to live their life.
We talked for quite a while and then she asked me, what my best character traits as a mother would be. That is a really good question. I didn't really know what to say. But there is one thing for sure. This child will have so much love. Because we have so much love between us. I can't wait to share it with a child. I guess the child will also have a lot of fun. My husband and I love to laugh and we have so much fun together.
Tomorrow my husband will have his meeting with the social worker and on Monday we have our home visit. Time to start cleaning the house... I can't believe how fast we are getting ahead now. Our home study might be ready next week or the week after that. Wow!!!
I hope we can sit down this week-end and work on our profile and the questions we still have for the agency before we send in our application...
Today I met an old friend from Europe for lunch. When we were leaving the restaurant in China town a woman with a stroller on the street asked us something. I first thought she was looking for something and needed help, so I asked her what she had said. And she repeated that she needed some money for food. I was sad to hear that. Children should not have to grow up in circumstances where their mother needs to beg on the street. I pray that she overcomes the problems she might have and can provide a better future for her child.
I also was shocked about this. How can anyone do something like this to an innocent little baby? How can one human being do something like this to another? I pray for the baby who seems to be clinging on to his little life. I pray that God helps it to find a family to love it and help it overcome this horrible past.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Update before meeting with social worker
This week-end has been really busy. We have our house visit in a week and I started cleaning up already. The guest bedroom/hopefully future nursery looked like a war zone and needed some attention.
On Saturday we went to a seminar on going overseas for families. It was really weird. We were the only couple in the room that didn't have kids. Many parents brought their kids. We had to design a family crest with all the issues we are having with moving and when I presented ours, I had to come out and let people know that we didn't have kids yet, but we were in the process of adopting. Everybody reacted very positive to this announcement. People just asked where we were adoption from. One father told us that his son was adopted from El Salvador. The process took them two years.
I am a little frustrated right now that we are not going ahead in our decision making process. Last week we discussed that there were still some questions that my hubby had on the agency. I had hoped we would sit down and work on these questions, for example draft an email to the agency. But instead hubby had to work all day yesterday and didn't have time in the evening either... But we will get there. It just takes us some time. I guess it is important to make the right decision even if it takes a little longer...
There is still so much we need to take care of. We also have to work on our finances. Any ideas you guys have on financing an adoption will be highly appreciated. Living in the D.C. area is fine as long as you have two incomes. But our jobs don't pay as much as we need to pay for the adoption, loose my income, and transfer. Once we are overseas, we will be o.k. We basically just need to bridge the time until we go overseas.
I will start Spanish at the end of the month. I wonder how long I will be able to take the class before we actually adopt. I guess I can't bring a newborn to the class. But it may also take much longer, so I am just going on with my life. Business as usual. So I will continue to work and go to class in addition. I wonder how that is going to be. Right now, I feel like I don't get enough done in my job. Since I came back from Europe I have this feeling that I don't get everything done in time. Usually I never have any problems getting everything done. I spend usually part of my time surfing the internet and writing emails. But not recently. The time passes really fast and the day is over. I hope it is getting a little more quiet soon..
Now I have to head to my meeting with our social worker.
On Saturday we went to a seminar on going overseas for families. It was really weird. We were the only couple in the room that didn't have kids. Many parents brought their kids. We had to design a family crest with all the issues we are having with moving and when I presented ours, I had to come out and let people know that we didn't have kids yet, but we were in the process of adopting. Everybody reacted very positive to this announcement. People just asked where we were adoption from. One father told us that his son was adopted from El Salvador. The process took them two years.
I am a little frustrated right now that we are not going ahead in our decision making process. Last week we discussed that there were still some questions that my hubby had on the agency. I had hoped we would sit down and work on these questions, for example draft an email to the agency. But instead hubby had to work all day yesterday and didn't have time in the evening either... But we will get there. It just takes us some time. I guess it is important to make the right decision even if it takes a little longer...
There is still so much we need to take care of. We also have to work on our finances. Any ideas you guys have on financing an adoption will be highly appreciated. Living in the D.C. area is fine as long as you have two incomes. But our jobs don't pay as much as we need to pay for the adoption, loose my income, and transfer. Once we are overseas, we will be o.k. We basically just need to bridge the time until we go overseas.
I will start Spanish at the end of the month. I wonder how long I will be able to take the class before we actually adopt. I guess I can't bring a newborn to the class. But it may also take much longer, so I am just going on with my life. Business as usual. So I will continue to work and go to class in addition. I wonder how that is going to be. Right now, I feel like I don't get enough done in my job. Since I came back from Europe I have this feeling that I don't get everything done in time. Usually I never have any problems getting everything done. I spend usually part of my time surfing the internet and writing emails. But not recently. The time passes really fast and the day is over. I hope it is getting a little more quiet soon..
Now I have to head to my meeting with our social worker.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
First meeting with our social worker
I feel like a really bad blogger recently because I don't get to write as often as I would like to. But I have a problem with getting everything done. There is some much work to do before we move overseas. I have started to make a To-Do-List. I will continue to update this blog, but I just might not get to catching up with everything as often as I would like to.
You are probably all waiting for an update from me on how the meeting with the social worker went.
My husband and I both left the house at the same time yesterday morning. And we both came home at the same time. I took that as a great sign. My husband rides his bike to work in the morning. And I commute by bus and metro. How likely is that to happen? I depend on bus schedules and he depends on his training schedules. Our meeting was at 6:30 p.m. and we left the house around 6 p.m. With rush hour traffic I was concerned that we were arriving late, but I was driving and I managed to get us there at 6:25 p.m.
The meeting went great. We clicked from the start and chatted along. I found it really easy to talk to her. I liked her a lot. I think after she talked to our references she already had an idea of who we are. But now she knows for sure. She asked us about how we ended up being there. She asked about the infertility and what support we had. She also asked how we met each other and about our marriage. What we love about each other and where we fight. How we take decisions.
When asked what I love most about my husband, I told her, that I love his honesty, his humor, his faith, and his intelligence. He is the most honest person in the world. He makes me laugh every single day. I admire his faith and his intelligence.
We also talked a lot about our special circumstances with moving overseas and everything. We need to do some more research on our agency before we can fill out the application.
Next week we have the separate interviews where we cover our childhood and youth. Mine is on Monday. The social worker told us she will try to write the home study (10 pages) as we move along. So that means in two to three weeks our home study will be complete. And we will be ready to adopt! Unbelievable...
We still need to take an Infant CPR class. And I would like to take a baby care class. There are also some books that we want to read... I finally feel like we are moving along. And it feels really good! We are going to have a baby! We are going to be a family.
You are probably all waiting for an update from me on how the meeting with the social worker went.
My husband and I both left the house at the same time yesterday morning. And we both came home at the same time. I took that as a great sign. My husband rides his bike to work in the morning. And I commute by bus and metro. How likely is that to happen? I depend on bus schedules and he depends on his training schedules. Our meeting was at 6:30 p.m. and we left the house around 6 p.m. With rush hour traffic I was concerned that we were arriving late, but I was driving and I managed to get us there at 6:25 p.m.
The meeting went great. We clicked from the start and chatted along. I found it really easy to talk to her. I liked her a lot. I think after she talked to our references she already had an idea of who we are. But now she knows for sure. She asked us about how we ended up being there. She asked about the infertility and what support we had. She also asked how we met each other and about our marriage. What we love about each other and where we fight. How we take decisions.
When asked what I love most about my husband, I told her, that I love his honesty, his humor, his faith, and his intelligence. He is the most honest person in the world. He makes me laugh every single day. I admire his faith and his intelligence.
We also talked a lot about our special circumstances with moving overseas and everything. We need to do some more research on our agency before we can fill out the application.
Next week we have the separate interviews where we cover our childhood and youth. Mine is on Monday. The social worker told us she will try to write the home study (10 pages) as we move along. So that means in two to three weeks our home study will be complete. And we will be ready to adopt! Unbelievable...
We still need to take an Infant CPR class. And I would like to take a baby care class. There are also some books that we want to read... I finally feel like we are moving along. And it feels really good! We are going to have a baby! We are going to be a family.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
We are fasting...
Thank you for your comments yesterday. I just wanted to write it down, but I felt much better yesterday already. And thank you P. for your lovely email. I am glad you are my friend in real life.
Today is the beginning of lent. We went to our church last Sunday and the sermon was about fasting. I have never done it before and thought it was nothing for me. My relationship to food is really special. I love to eat. But the sermon has challenged me to try it. It is not yet online, but maybe in a couple of days or so you can watch the webcast of it at www.theaterchurch.com.
After the sermon my hubby and I have decided that this year we will fast today in honor of the Lord. We are skipping breakfast and lunch today. In addition, I will fast TV for a while. I will still watch the news and the Today Show in the morning while getting ready for work, but I will not watch some of my favorite TV shows for 40 days. Which is a lot for me. I love to watch TV, especially in winter when I am hibernating. Fortunately, I will be traveling for two weeks, so there is no problem during this time.
Instead of eating I am dedicating this time to the Lord. I am praying for our family and friends and for all bloggers out there that are struggling. Recently I feel that God is working in me and I am grateful for the transformation I am going through. Even though I was baptized and attended Sunday School as a kid, I never had a relationship with God as my husband has. I am working on it. Because the bible says: "But from there you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul." Book of Deuteronomy, 4:29. I am willing to seek God with all my heart and all my soul.
Hubby and I are also doing a "Seeking God in the City" booklet for forty days, today I am also praying for North and South America. That fits perfectly as we are currently living in North America, but will be moving to South America soon.
Today I am also praying for men. That is what the booklet says for today. I wonder whether I am supposed to pray for Homer. I haven't seen him since our last encounter a couple of weeks ago, where he looked fantastic. He disappeared after that. But the fact that he isn't there, doesn't mean I am not thinking about him when I am walking through the park. I always think, it is better that he is not there. Because it means that he is in a better place than on the street. It was so good to hear him say that he stays in a shelter during the winter. And I hope that he is able to find a permanent home. I am praying that Homer finds a safe place where he can feel home. I am so glad I got this closure after Homer disappeared and the only thing I could find out was that he was in a hospital. I thank the Lord for giving me that closure and for taking care of him.
Our social worker is great. She will interview our references while I am in Europe, so that will be crossed off the list before I come back. We also have scheduled all our interviews with her now. It at least feels more like we are moving ahead.
She also has emailed me the contact information of a family that has adopted with the agency we are thinking about adopting with. So I scheduled a phone call for tonight. I also tried to reach the agency to ask them some questions about our moving situation, but I haven't reached anyone there. Hopefully they will call back soon.
Today is the beginning of lent. We went to our church last Sunday and the sermon was about fasting. I have never done it before and thought it was nothing for me. My relationship to food is really special. I love to eat. But the sermon has challenged me to try it. It is not yet online, but maybe in a couple of days or so you can watch the webcast of it at www.theaterchurch.com.
After the sermon my hubby and I have decided that this year we will fast today in honor of the Lord. We are skipping breakfast and lunch today. In addition, I will fast TV for a while. I will still watch the news and the Today Show in the morning while getting ready for work, but I will not watch some of my favorite TV shows for 40 days. Which is a lot for me. I love to watch TV, especially in winter when I am hibernating. Fortunately, I will be traveling for two weeks, so there is no problem during this time.
Instead of eating I am dedicating this time to the Lord. I am praying for our family and friends and for all bloggers out there that are struggling. Recently I feel that God is working in me and I am grateful for the transformation I am going through. Even though I was baptized and attended Sunday School as a kid, I never had a relationship with God as my husband has. I am working on it. Because the bible says: "But from there you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul." Book of Deuteronomy, 4:29. I am willing to seek God with all my heart and all my soul.
Hubby and I are also doing a "Seeking God in the City" booklet for forty days, today I am also praying for North and South America. That fits perfectly as we are currently living in North America, but will be moving to South America soon.
Today I am also praying for men. That is what the booklet says for today. I wonder whether I am supposed to pray for Homer. I haven't seen him since our last encounter a couple of weeks ago, where he looked fantastic. He disappeared after that. But the fact that he isn't there, doesn't mean I am not thinking about him when I am walking through the park. I always think, it is better that he is not there. Because it means that he is in a better place than on the street. It was so good to hear him say that he stays in a shelter during the winter. And I hope that he is able to find a permanent home. I am praying that Homer finds a safe place where he can feel home. I am so glad I got this closure after Homer disappeared and the only thing I could find out was that he was in a hospital. I thank the Lord for giving me that closure and for taking care of him.
Our social worker is great. She will interview our references while I am in Europe, so that will be crossed off the list before I come back. We also have scheduled all our interviews with her now. It at least feels more like we are moving ahead.
She also has emailed me the contact information of a family that has adopted with the agency we are thinking about adopting with. So I scheduled a phone call for tonight. I also tried to reach the agency to ask them some questions about our moving situation, but I haven't reached anyone there. Hopefully they will call back soon.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Finally!!!
The social worker called finally. But it happened exactly as I had predicted. She is booked next week. She wanted to do our first meeting the week after that when I will be traveling. She hasn't even received our file yet from the agency. WTF?
But she was super nice and I really look forward to working with her. I told her that she has to deal with the most impatient person in the whole wide world and she could relate to that. I also have her email and telephone numbers now.
I told her about our situation and she promised me to help us to get through this process as soon as possible. She would like to do one interview per week. We now agreed on her trying to get all our references done when I am traveling so that at least that is off the table. She might even schedule the interview with my hubby while I am gone. But she would prefer to do the couple's interview first. I also asked her about the whole moving issue. She mentioned that the agency has legal guardianship of the child while we have physical guardianship. It is something that we need to discuss with the agency we would like to work with. And see whether they have experiences working with military couples. So that is something we can work on. We should have started this whole process two years ago when we first came here. But what did I know?
It will be a struggle and I don't know how it will work out yet. But I pray that the Lord will lead us on this way to fulfilling our dream of becoming a family.
But she was super nice and I really look forward to working with her. I told her that she has to deal with the most impatient person in the whole wide world and she could relate to that. I also have her email and telephone numbers now.
I told her about our situation and she promised me to help us to get through this process as soon as possible. She would like to do one interview per week. We now agreed on her trying to get all our references done when I am traveling so that at least that is off the table. She might even schedule the interview with my hubby while I am gone. But she would prefer to do the couple's interview first. I also asked her about the whole moving issue. She mentioned that the agency has legal guardianship of the child while we have physical guardianship. It is something that we need to discuss with the agency we would like to work with. And see whether they have experiences working with military couples. So that is something we can work on. We should have started this whole process two years ago when we first came here. But what did I know?
It will be a struggle and I don't know how it will work out yet. But I pray that the Lord will lead us on this way to fulfilling our dream of becoming a family.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Attention: more frustration ahead!
I am warning you: another frustrated blog is about to start.
All the staring at the phone hasn't helped. The social worker still hasn't called. I called the agency again to ask what was up and the lady told me that the social worker told her this morning that she was going to call us tomorrow. If she doesn't even have the time for a phone call, how will she be able to do our home study?
Of course, tomorrow will be a busy day in the office and I might not even be able to take her call. I wonder if our first meeting will be next week or whether she won't have time for us before I return from Europe.
I am flying to Belgium next week for some work meeting. Then I get to see my friends and family. I am very excited to see them.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
I need to move on...
I just came off the phone with the adoption agency. Of course the social worker hasn't called us yet. So I called them. I also had sent them an email which she hasn't received. She will send me the information material for our profile so that we can start working on this at least. Something needs to be moving... I hope to work on the profile and scrapbook and Dear Birth parents letter this week-end.
She was really nice and told me that she will call our social worker and tell her to get going. Because the social workers work as contractors, she can't give me their phone numbers, but the social worker should give me her phone number once she calls.
I also talked with her about my fears about not being matched before we move. She said that I should ask the agency whether they have worked with military families before. Obviously the embassy can do the post-placement visits. That would be fantastic. That would be awesome!!! Now I only hope that someone will see the opportunities for our children and not the difficulties in us moving every couple of years.
I talked to my hubby about me contacting the agency last week. He told me that if I get frustrated with something or someone, it sometimes turns into aggression. He is right about that. I hate to admit it. But that is exactly how I felt last week. I sometimes get really aggressive at things and people. I don't really do anything to them, but I get so mad inside. It is a side that I don't like at all about me.
It is a long story, but when I first came to the US, I worked at a terrible place. I had been an office chief before and had people working for me. Then I came here and started working for a micro-managing boss. It was the worst workplace ever.
That is when I started having problems with endometriosis which I had never had before. This is why I blame my former boss and his wife for part of our fertility struggles. When I had the surgery to remove the cyst in April of 2006 and another cyst in May, I realized that this was my body telling me something. That I needed to find a new job and get out of there. Which I did, but they still are on my mind quite often when I think back or when I hear from other people about them. Terrible stories about their management skills. I realized that they still have a lot of power over me if I don't stop thinking about them in that negative way. I need to forgive them to move on with my life. But it is so hard. I prayed for them last week-end. I hope to continue to do so in the future. I hope to be able to forgive them one day.
Fortunately I found a new job after nine months, where I have a great boss and nice colleagues. So this is resolved. And I fortunately have the endometriosis under control with my medication. The only thing I haven't resolved yet, is my infertility. It is on my mind day in and day out. I think about it all the time. I hope one day, I can resolve that as well and just move on with my life.
She was really nice and told me that she will call our social worker and tell her to get going. Because the social workers work as contractors, she can't give me their phone numbers, but the social worker should give me her phone number once she calls.
I also talked with her about my fears about not being matched before we move. She said that I should ask the agency whether they have worked with military families before. Obviously the embassy can do the post-placement visits. That would be fantastic. That would be awesome!!! Now I only hope that someone will see the opportunities for our children and not the difficulties in us moving every couple of years.
I talked to my hubby about me contacting the agency last week. He told me that if I get frustrated with something or someone, it sometimes turns into aggression. He is right about that. I hate to admit it. But that is exactly how I felt last week. I sometimes get really aggressive at things and people. I don't really do anything to them, but I get so mad inside. It is a side that I don't like at all about me.
It is a long story, but when I first came to the US, I worked at a terrible place. I had been an office chief before and had people working for me. Then I came here and started working for a micro-managing boss. It was the worst workplace ever.
That is when I started having problems with endometriosis which I had never had before. This is why I blame my former boss and his wife for part of our fertility struggles. When I had the surgery to remove the cyst in April of 2006 and another cyst in May, I realized that this was my body telling me something. That I needed to find a new job and get out of there. Which I did, but they still are on my mind quite often when I think back or when I hear from other people about them. Terrible stories about their management skills. I realized that they still have a lot of power over me if I don't stop thinking about them in that negative way. I need to forgive them to move on with my life. But it is so hard. I prayed for them last week-end. I hope to continue to do so in the future. I hope to be able to forgive them one day.
Fortunately I found a new job after nine months, where I have a great boss and nice colleagues. So this is resolved. And I fortunately have the endometriosis under control with my medication. The only thing I haven't resolved yet, is my infertility. It is on my mind day in and day out. I think about it all the time. I hope one day, I can resolve that as well and just move on with my life.
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