Going home!

I finally booked my flight. Next week we are off to see my family. My Dad already told me that he can't wait to meet her and I believe my Mom is very happy, too. She has already taken care of a crib so Lilli will have a place to sleep.

We are staying nearly a whole month. It is so great that I don't work right now, otherwise I wouldn't have that opportunity. Dh hopes to join us at my parents' house for Xmas. Hopefully we will be able to fly back together. I am so excited to introduce Lilli to her grandparents and her uncle. Her uncle was so nice to offer us a pick up at the airport. I really appreciate this as I don't know yet how Lilli will do on the flight.

Last week Lilli was really good on both flights and slept the whole time. What a relief for us. We had her suck a bottle at take-off both times. She was just bothered by the "Fasten your seat-belt sign" noise or when the captain or steward was making an announcement. We had a very bumpy ride and I was a little nervous. I don't usually mind flying, but I get terrified if it starts to get bumpy.

Thanksgiving with dh's family was really nice. I could understand his desire to see them again before we are moving. Speaking of: no news yet.

I am getting increasingly frustrated with the fact that we have tons of baby clothes packed up sitting in Miami while we have to buy everything that we need because we can't access it. I am missing Lilli's swings and her feeding seat. Speaking of feeding. I would like to wait until she is about 6 months old until we start her on solids. But if she is getting increasingly frustrated with the bottle she might need some a little earlier. She has been a little more difficult in the mornings and has been screaming a lot lately. I don't know whether it is her teething or what is going on.

This weekend we will head to North Carolina to see our new nephew who will be born on Thursday. This is a scheduled C-section. We didn't really expect to be here so long and be able to meet him prior to moving. At least we get to see dh's Dad, too and he will be able to spend some more time with Lilli as well.

4 months old

Lilli had her four month birthday yesterday. She is now able to roll over from her back to her tummy which she does sometimes in her sleep. She probably wakes up wondering who put her in that position and starts crying because she doesn't really like to be on her tummy. I have a feeling that she is getting better with it.

She recently learned to shake her head. We ask her a question like "Are you tired?" and she is just shaking her head and laughing. It is adorable and so funny.

We went swimming with her last week in our apartment building. She really seemed to like it. A friend of ours is just in town with her baby boy who is just two months older than Lilli and we spent a lot of time together last week. It was wonderful to have someone to spend the days with.

I realize that sometimes I feel a little bit lonely. Of course Lilli is always there, so I am not really lonely in the classical sense. But I really miss having people around me during the day. When I worked, I had such a structured day. I had a certain time to get up and a certain time to go to the office. Now I don't have that structure anymore. I still try to get up early, usually when dh is still around. It is nice to have someone to watch Lilli when I take my showers. She is usually wide awake and gets bored after a while and starts screaming. After I get ready, I get her ready and then we are just hanging out. Usually she goes down for a nap between 10:00 and 11:00 a.m. and then we go out and run some errands after I have a quick lunch. But I still miss the interaction with people, especially with new moms that I can relate to. It is the first time in my life that I haven't really worked for more than 4 months (technically I did work until mid September, but in reality I didn't). I miss working, having something meaningful to do.

But I realize that it would be difficult right now. It would take away time from Lilli. And she needs a lot of my attention all day long. She is growing up so quick and is only little once. Therefore I want to take this time to be there for her. And because of the transition we are still in, it wouldn't make sense to start a job anyway. But I really hope that this state doesn't last that much longer. I am really looking forward to getting to Venezuela. Unfortunately we don't have our visas yet.

I have decided to take Lilli to see her grandparents in Germany as soon as possible. I will try to book the flight after Thanksgiving. We will go up to Upstate New York for Thanksgiving to see dh's family. While I am not looking forward to the snow and the cold, I am glad that he will have a chance to see his mom and grandparents. Fortunately we are not driving up there. We have booked our flights for tomorrow night. A Happy Thanksgiving to everybody!!!

Still here...

No news on the visas. We are still hanging out here, waiting in Limboland. Who knows how long that state is going to last. We had a friend from Germany in town the last two weeks, which kept me busy.

Today Lilli and I went into my old office to babysit the telephone. My successor is out of town and had asked me to come by to make sure, there were no unanswered calls. So far it has rang only once. My former colleague was on the line to chat about life. She is due in about three weeks with her boy/girl twins. It is so much easier for me to hear about pregnancy and related stuff or go to babyshowers now that I have a baby. This Saturday we will have to go to a babyshower for a good friend. I am a little scared and nervous, but I know that we will be alright. Lilli will be there with me, smiling when my thoughts might drift to a dark place and I will be reminded of how blessed we are to have such a wonderful and beautiful baby.

By the way: if you are looking for a great gift for new babies. I have a tip for you. My realtor's daughter has a business called Hootcouture where you can order embroidered onesies or burp clothes or bibs. I love that store and I buy always things there for new babies. I love the idea that I am able to give something personalized to the baby and not just a pair of onesies that nobody remembers who has given them later...

Proud to be an American!!!

I am so proud to be an American today. We spent the evening with friends at their house and were hoping for a change we can believe in. When we took a sleeping Lilli home I whispered in her ear that she could become whoever she wanted to be. If she decides that she wants to be president one day she can become the president. I am excited that she never will remember a time where African American's weren't able to achieve everything in this country.

We are still hanging out in our corporate apartment. We haven't heard any news on our visas, yet. I wonder how long we will have to wait until we can move... It is a little frustrating to have all those beautiful summer dresses for Lilli for the Carribean when we are sitting in a cold Virginia. But what can we do? The good thing about all of this is that we have lots of opportunities to say goodbye to everybody several times. And to spend the election night in the US was very special to me, too. It was my first presidential election in the US and my first time to vote as an American - in a swing state.

On a side note: My brother is celebrating his birthday today. Happy Birthday, uncle A!!!

Isn't that the cutest pumpkin ever?

Amazing Surprise

A couple of days ago we received mail from our adoption agency. The first letter was just an additional bill to take care of. But the second letter was a great surprise. We received a letter from Lilli's birthmom. What an amazing present to make us. She also added some pictures from Lilli immediately after birth and an ultrasound picture. And the footprints that they took in the hospital. We were thrilled to receive this. The whole time we had been wondering how she was doing. How she liked the pictures we had sent her. How she liked the name that we had given our daughter. I secretly wondered whether she would hate that we changed the name that she had given her. But she wrote that she loves the name Lillian.

She also wrote a letter for Lillian for when she is older. This is truly what I had hoped for in a semi-open adoption. That Lillian would one day be able to understand how much love went into the decision from her birthmother. That Lilli will be able to understand what a difficult choice her birthmother made to give her the live she envisioned for her, but couldn't give to her by herself.

I can't wait to write her and thank her for these amazing gifts. We had just finished the three month letter and are just waiting for the pictures to send it to her. But I will answer her in the four month letter.

One more question to those of you who have adopted. Are you getting the birthmothers anything for Christmas? If yes, what are you getting for them? I would like to send her something, but am not sure what.

Our first three months with Lilli

Lillian Alexis Audry 07/24/08

Lilli is three months old today. I know I am repeating myself, but I can't believe how fast the time is passing. Yesterday one year ago we filled out the application for adoption and today I have a sleeping beautiful baby next to me. God truly works in miraculous ways. I feel so blessed and grateful.

We had a great night out yesterday. Hubby had asked some friends to babysit. We went to the Melting Pot I love that restaurant! Of course I told everyone that we had our anniversary. I thought they would at least get us a glass of champagne or something (in Europe that is very common). But they just said "Congratulations!" and that was that. I was a little disappointed I have to admit. We each ordered a bottle of Framboise which is a nice beer (my BIL and his wife had that at their wedding instead of champagne). One bottle (beer size) turned out to be $15, but we didn't know. I hate it when the drink menus don't have prizes...

We spend a great time out. It was nice to just talk about our wedding and remember that wonderful day together. I missed Lilli a lot and wanted to call our friends to see how she was doing. But dh wouldn't let me. He gave me another wonderful card. He is such a great writer. I will share with you what he wrote: The card read: To my best friend and true love Happy Anniversary. He wrote: You are the joy of my life. Lilli is an incredible addition to our family, but you will always be my #1! I love you so much and cannot believe that it has been 4 years already. It seems like yesterday that you were my beautiful bride and we were celebrating our wedding. With much love, dh.

I never imagined that

a. I could stay with someone in a relationship for that long (my longest relationship before I met my husband had been about 18 month)
b. I could still be in love with someone after such a long time
c. love could still grow after such a long time.

Now all my dreams have come true. I have a loving husband and a wonderful daughter. And I have survived infertility.