Needless to say that we didn't get to talk to the birth mom last weekend. Instead I had a very unpleasant conversation with my mom. I really would like to say that she is super excited to be a grandma to an adopted child. But I can't. She hasn't asked me a single time how the process goes or if we have heard any updates. She hasn't asked me a single time what she can get for her grandson. I know that her mind circulates around my dad's health right now. She has to take him to his radiation every single day and he will have another cycle of chemotherapy next week.
In addition, for her adoption is a foreign concept. I know that she will come around eventually once she holds the baby in her arms. But I really feel neglected. I wrote her a letter recently where I told her how important her support for our adoption was for us and where I translated an article about adoptive grandparents. She called me after she received the letter four months ago and told me she was going to write me back. Of course I haven't received a single line from her. I didn't even get a card from her for my birthday. She has given me money, though.
If I was pregnant, she would probably call all the time to make sure I am alright. Instead I talked to my Dad the last five times when I called my parents and my Mom was always somewhere else. She didn't call back a single time. She hasn't called me at all recently. I told her all of that and she told me she didn't want to interfere in my life. I told her that her non-interference appears like disinterest to me. She blamed the distance on the fact that she doesn't have more interest in our expanding family. It was like a slap in my face. I know that she is not happy with how I choose my life because it brought me to the U.S. and away from her. But she should find some consolation in the fact that I have a wonderful husband that tries to make me happy (even if that seems difficult these days).
Therefore I would like to know from all of you who have adopted: have you had similar situations with your parents? Are they all super excited? How did you help them with the process?
My DH told me yesterday that my BIL and wife are expecting again. They are due in December when our nephew will be 18 months old. Of course they didn't need any medical interventions to conceive and could just do it by having sex. I was very depressed after hearing these news. Not because I am not happy for them.
But because I am jealous that some people just get to plan when they have their babies and conceive without any problems and costs while others are trying and trying while spending lots of money with no results.
I would love to spend our money in other areas of our life. I would love to have more kids after our adoption, but the question when we will be able to adopt again will probably be one of finances. And I hate that idea. I'd rather spend the money on my kids then on the process to conceive/adopt them. I feel like something has been robbed from my life. I was supposed to be the one that conceives without problems. I was the one that was supposed to pop out one baby after the next. What went wrong in this equation?
Tonight we will go to our friends house. I am talking about the one that has volunteered to give us some baby stuff. I am very happy about this and feel ready to take some more baby stuff into our house. Maybe the fact that we are not going out there to buy it, helps too.
Sorry for this negative blog entry. I hope I'll be able to regain some positive attitude tomorrow. When I was lying in bed last night, crying, and talking to God, he heard me. I felt already better this morning...
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Monday, June 16, 2008
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Maybe I was too optimistic
Thank you for all your comments. It is fantastic to have such a great support network.
We are still waiting for the phone call. Everything is on hold right now.
I thought last night that she had picked us and wanted to confirm this in a phone call. That is not the case. She has two other couples she is interviewing as well. We just learned this this afternoon. I guess the counselor forgot to tell us last night and we forgot to ask. I guess this was our first mistake since yesterday. We also told some people which we shouln't have done. Because we didn't know better and I so wanted to share our excitement.
But now the news you have been waiting vor:
The baby boy (didn't I tell you?) was born healthy this morning. We don't know whether this is going to be our baby. We so want this to happen. We so desire to parent. I hope we will be able to convey this to her. I hope she likes us. I am praying for her to make the right decision for her little angel. Did I mention that tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my first pregnancy ever that unfortunately ended in a miscarriage.
We are waiting since around 1 p.m. this afternoon. Nearly 7 hours now and it is driving us crazy. I am terrified she might pick someone else. We didn't book the flight yet and didn't go shopping. It is really hard because we can't leave the house. Thank God for pizza delivery.
We are still waiting for the phone call. Everything is on hold right now.
I thought last night that she had picked us and wanted to confirm this in a phone call. That is not the case. She has two other couples she is interviewing as well. We just learned this this afternoon. I guess the counselor forgot to tell us last night and we forgot to ask. I guess this was our first mistake since yesterday. We also told some people which we shouln't have done. Because we didn't know better and I so wanted to share our excitement.
But now the news you have been waiting vor:
The baby boy (didn't I tell you?) was born healthy this morning. We don't know whether this is going to be our baby. We so want this to happen. We so desire to parent. I hope we will be able to convey this to her. I hope she likes us. I am praying for her to make the right decision for her little angel. Did I mention that tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my first pregnancy ever that unfortunately ended in a miscarriage.
We are waiting since around 1 p.m. this afternoon. Nearly 7 hours now and it is driving us crazy. I am terrified she might pick someone else. We didn't book the flight yet and didn't go shopping. It is really hard because we can't leave the house. Thank God for pizza delivery.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Concerned about my Dad and Easter
I am really concerned about my Dad's health. He had vocal cords cancer a little more than five years ago. Last week my brother told me that something was wrong with him, but he didn't really know what was wrong. I tried to call my parents, but somehow couldn't really talk to my Mom before Friday. It turns out, my dad is coughing blood. He saw a doctor last week and the doctor said that something is wrong, but she would like to take a closer look - after Easter. We don't really know yet whether it is a relapse of his cancer or something else. But the last days I have been so sad about it and cried a lot. My Dad has been through so much in the last couple of years. Surgeries for his knees, his elbow, cancer, a stroke, epileptical seizures,... How much more does he have to take? If you believe in God, please pray for my Dad. I don't even want to imagine what the news might be this week.
Our Easter has been more or less quiet. On Friday night we went to church and had some dinner afterwards. Saturday I was really lazy hanging out at home all day. Hubby was meeting an old friend who happened to be in town.
On Sunday we met some friends after church for brunch. Of course we didn't have a reservation. Note to self: Easter Sunday is a big brunch day for families. The hostess at the first place we went to told us we had to wait 1 hour to 1,5 hours. No, thank you. At the next place they didn't even take reservations any more, but they offered us some high tables at the bar. Which was o.k. for us. The place was empty when we arrived and I was surprised that they wouldn't just sit us at a table. But about 30 minutes later, the whole place was packed... Most of the people were of course families with tons of cute and cuter children. And then there were two pregnant - ready to pop - women. They looked radiant and amazing.
After brunch we played a round of mini-golf which was fun. I even tied with hubby which doesn't happen so often... After we got home we already had to get ready to leave again. We had a dinner invitation from friends. She is expecting a baby in August and has a cute 3-year-old toddler at home. His parents and grandma were there, too. We had a nice dinner and spent some quality time with them. I had a glass of wine and a glass of champagne and that seems to be my limit. Two drinks and I need to go to bed and sleep. Gone are those college days where I would drink a lot and party all night...
I started my language class today. That means I will be really busy in the next couple of months and might not be able to catch up as much as I would like with all of your blogs and not write as much as I would like to. But if there is anything major happening, especially on the adoption, be sure that you will be among the first ones to know...
Our Easter has been more or less quiet. On Friday night we went to church and had some dinner afterwards. Saturday I was really lazy hanging out at home all day. Hubby was meeting an old friend who happened to be in town.
On Sunday we met some friends after church for brunch. Of course we didn't have a reservation. Note to self: Easter Sunday is a big brunch day for families. The hostess at the first place we went to told us we had to wait 1 hour to 1,5 hours. No, thank you. At the next place they didn't even take reservations any more, but they offered us some high tables at the bar. Which was o.k. for us. The place was empty when we arrived and I was surprised that they wouldn't just sit us at a table. But about 30 minutes later, the whole place was packed... Most of the people were of course families with tons of cute and cuter children. And then there were two pregnant - ready to pop - women. They looked radiant and amazing.
After brunch we played a round of mini-golf which was fun. I even tied with hubby which doesn't happen so often... After we got home we already had to get ready to leave again. We had a dinner invitation from friends. She is expecting a baby in August and has a cute 3-year-old toddler at home. His parents and grandma were there, too. We had a nice dinner and spent some quality time with them. I had a glass of wine and a glass of champagne and that seems to be my limit. Two drinks and I need to go to bed and sleep. Gone are those college days where I would drink a lot and party all night...
I started my language class today. That means I will be really busy in the next couple of months and might not be able to catch up as much as I would like with all of your blogs and not write as much as I would like to. But if there is anything major happening, especially on the adoption, be sure that you will be among the first ones to know...
Monday, January 14, 2008
Annie was 51 with her first child...
We had a pretty busy week-end. On Friday night we went out for a crab dinner with some friends. It's been really nice. On Saturday I finished the weekly wash load and worked on some projects around the house. And I made a really nice lemon-banana cake. Saturday night we went out to a birthday dinner for one of our friends. They asked us for the address of our adoption agency. They are our references. I had thought they had long sent back the letter, but they obviously lost it during moving. Hopefully they will get to it this week.
The adoption agency called me back after I had tried reaching them last week. They said I should call back this week, so I plan on calling them tomorrow again.
On Sunday I went shopping and to the Annie Leibovitz exhibit in the Corcoran Gallery in D.C. It was the last day and they were sold out, but I was so fortunate to receive entrance because I had reserved a ticket online. There was a really long queue, when I first arrived. I had to wait about 30 minutes to get in.
It was very impressive. She is such a great photographer. While she is famous for her celebrity pictures, she also documented some private moments like the death of her girl-friend Susan Sonntag or her father. She also took pictures of the birth of her twins and her adorable older daughter. I read that she had her first child with 51 years. Well, I guess that must have been a donor egg/donor sperm or donor embryo thing. I am impressed that she would still try to have a child at that age. She later had her twins born to a surrogate mother.
Hubbie raised the question of the difference between a surrogate mother and adoption. The only difference seems to be that she paid for the eggs, the sperm, and the surrogate and basically new when it would happen. It was her timing. With adoption she would have tried to locate a pregnant birth mother. I am sure there are a lot of birth mothers out there, who would love to give their child to Annie Leibovitz. But the timing would have been left to God. Like in our case. I am terrified it won't work out before we go overseas. I am terrified of it actually working out. Am I prepared to be a mom?
The adoption agency called me back after I had tried reaching them last week. They said I should call back this week, so I plan on calling them tomorrow again.
On Sunday I went shopping and to the Annie Leibovitz exhibit in the Corcoran Gallery in D.C. It was the last day and they were sold out, but I was so fortunate to receive entrance because I had reserved a ticket online. There was a really long queue, when I first arrived. I had to wait about 30 minutes to get in.
It was very impressive. She is such a great photographer. While she is famous for her celebrity pictures, she also documented some private moments like the death of her girl-friend Susan Sonntag or her father. She also took pictures of the birth of her twins and her adorable older daughter. I read that she had her first child with 51 years. Well, I guess that must have been a donor egg/donor sperm or donor embryo thing. I am impressed that she would still try to have a child at that age. She later had her twins born to a surrogate mother.
Hubbie raised the question of the difference between a surrogate mother and adoption. The only difference seems to be that she paid for the eggs, the sperm, and the surrogate and basically new when it would happen. It was her timing. With adoption she would have tried to locate a pregnant birth mother. I am sure there are a lot of birth mothers out there, who would love to give their child to Annie Leibovitz. But the timing would have been left to God. Like in our case. I am terrified it won't work out before we go overseas. I am terrified of it actually working out. Am I prepared to be a mom?
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Honey, let's adopt those four...
I should not have complained about not having any symptoms at all. Yesterday I started to get some cramping (like AF is on her way) and have occasional twinges here and there today. Tomorrow I might call the doctor to find out when I can come in for a blood test. Or should I just wait until AF is here? But the progesterone is probably keeping her away for now...
Yesterday night I had a little meltdown. My husband told me about an email from a friend of us. He and his wife just got married last June, but they were separated because of their jobs for a whole year (with occasional visits). They are expecting as well.
I also got an email from another friend with ultrasound pictures to announce their pregnancy. While I am happy for every single one of them, it hurts so much to have to face the fact that so many people don't seem to have any problems.
Oh, and have I mentioned already that I have a cousin who is two years older than me who just had his fifth child last year? I can't keep track any more with the names and ages of all his children and wouldn't be surprised if they had another one soon. His wife is a doctor and they are very catholic.
It is like the whole wide world around us is pregnant, while we have to wait another months until we can finally start the home study process. The agency called yesterday. They have received the check that I mailed them and they'll mail us information on our mandatory pre-adoption class that we have to take. It will be this Saturday. So at least we will be able to get ahead a little bit.
But back to my meltdown. I did some internet research about waiting children and found those four adorable Asian siblings ages 2 years 9 months to age 7 years that are waiting for a forever family.
I took the computer and showed them to my husband and told him, we should adopt them. He was a bit surprised, because I had told him all the time I want a baby. I still want a baby. But I mean, who is going to adopt four children at once? I understand that it might be a bit hard to go from zero to four children in a couple of weeks. We don't have enough bedrooms for four children. And I don't know whether we could managed financially with four children (clothes, school, daycare) and only one income at this point. But I really feel like I would like to adopt a sibling group. Maybe later. I definitely will keep on checking on them. Maybe if they are still available next summer... We might have more room in our new apartment...
But my dh just took me in his arms and listened to me crying about how much the pain of infertility hurts. He is definitely the best husband in the whole wide world because he can stand me!!!
Yesterday night I had a little meltdown. My husband told me about an email from a friend of us. He and his wife just got married last June, but they were separated because of their jobs for a whole year (with occasional visits). They are expecting as well.
I also got an email from another friend with ultrasound pictures to announce their pregnancy. While I am happy for every single one of them, it hurts so much to have to face the fact that so many people don't seem to have any problems.
Oh, and have I mentioned already that I have a cousin who is two years older than me who just had his fifth child last year? I can't keep track any more with the names and ages of all his children and wouldn't be surprised if they had another one soon. His wife is a doctor and they are very catholic.
It is like the whole wide world around us is pregnant, while we have to wait another months until we can finally start the home study process. The agency called yesterday. They have received the check that I mailed them and they'll mail us information on our mandatory pre-adoption class that we have to take. It will be this Saturday. So at least we will be able to get ahead a little bit.
But back to my meltdown. I did some internet research about waiting children and found those four adorable Asian siblings ages 2 years 9 months to age 7 years that are waiting for a forever family.
I took the computer and showed them to my husband and told him, we should adopt them. He was a bit surprised, because I had told him all the time I want a baby. I still want a baby. But I mean, who is going to adopt four children at once? I understand that it might be a bit hard to go from zero to four children in a couple of weeks. We don't have enough bedrooms for four children. And I don't know whether we could managed financially with four children (clothes, school, daycare) and only one income at this point. But I really feel like I would like to adopt a sibling group. Maybe later. I definitely will keep on checking on them. Maybe if they are still available next summer... We might have more room in our new apartment...
But my dh just took me in his arms and listened to me crying about how much the pain of infertility hurts. He is definitely the best husband in the whole wide world because he can stand me!!!
Monday, October 29, 2007
A Lifetime of Family Conservations
Let's Talk Adoption: A Lifetime of Family Conversations
Completion Certificate
This is to certify that:
Yoka and dh
have successfully completed
"Let's Talk Adoption: A Lifetime of Family Conversations”
This course included the following:
• Introduction to the course and description of the objectives.
• Lesson 1 – Why Talk Adoption – examined self-esteem, family bonds, sharing information and your child’s right to know.
• Lesson 2 – Barriers to Communication – examined beliefs and feelings about adoption.
• Lesson 3 – Developmental Stages – explored each stage of a child’s life and provided strategies for addressing their questions and concerns about adoption.
• Lesson 4 – Communication Strategies – provided strategies for communicating and practice with parent-child dialogues.
• Lesson 5 – Communication Tools – provided suggestions for making adoption a regular topic of conversation.
This course fulfills 2 hours of training.
The Executive Director
Here is the certificate of the course we did last week-end. It was interesting to learn more about the different developmental stages and how you need to talk to your child about adoption at every of theses stages. The reassuring thing is that even if you make mistakes, you are not gonna screw up this child's life.
It seems like we got a little bit closer to qualifying for the start of our home study... Now we just need to email our application in and then we have to take two more classes before they will start our home study.
I met with a friend for lunch today. I told her about my struggles with my faith. I have been struggling recently about having faith in god, even if he doesn't bless us with a child. She and I took on a challenge. We will try to find 10 tings every day that we are grateful for. So here comes my list for today:
1. I am grateful for the fact that I live.
2. I am grateful for my dear husband (he is probably gonna make this list a lot)
3. I am grateful for my family.
4. I am grateful for the sun.
5. I am grateful for being able to live in the US.
6. I am grateful for not having any endometriosis pain for a couple of months.
7. I am grateful for my job and the opportunities it provides.
8. I am grateful for the concept of adoption.
9. I am grateful for my friends.
10. I am grateful for good food.
Obviously there are more things I am grateful for. But I'll have to think about them in the next days.
On a different note. On Saturday we went out for dinner with friends. When we were in the restaurant, our friends told the waitress that we were just starting the adoption process. She was very nice and supportive and actually disclosed to us that she had given up a baby for adoption seven years ago to a couple of her parents friends. It seems like they didn't need a home study and only had to finalize the adoption via an attorney. That would be a dream to be able to have someone in our lives offer a baby to us. I am also starting to tell people that we are adopting. If this is the way our family will be build, then why lie about it?
Completion Certificate
This is to certify that:
Yoka and dh
have successfully completed
"Let's Talk Adoption: A Lifetime of Family Conversations”
This course included the following:
• Introduction to the course and description of the objectives.
• Lesson 1 – Why Talk Adoption – examined self-esteem, family bonds, sharing information and your child’s right to know.
• Lesson 2 – Barriers to Communication – examined beliefs and feelings about adoption.
• Lesson 3 – Developmental Stages – explored each stage of a child’s life and provided strategies for addressing their questions and concerns about adoption.
• Lesson 4 – Communication Strategies – provided strategies for communicating and practice with parent-child dialogues.
• Lesson 5 – Communication Tools – provided suggestions for making adoption a regular topic of conversation.
This course fulfills 2 hours of training.
The Executive Director
Here is the certificate of the course we did last week-end. It was interesting to learn more about the different developmental stages and how you need to talk to your child about adoption at every of theses stages. The reassuring thing is that even if you make mistakes, you are not gonna screw up this child's life.
It seems like we got a little bit closer to qualifying for the start of our home study... Now we just need to email our application in and then we have to take two more classes before they will start our home study.
I met with a friend for lunch today. I told her about my struggles with my faith. I have been struggling recently about having faith in god, even if he doesn't bless us with a child. She and I took on a challenge. We will try to find 10 tings every day that we are grateful for. So here comes my list for today:
1. I am grateful for the fact that I live.
2. I am grateful for my dear husband (he is probably gonna make this list a lot)
3. I am grateful for my family.
4. I am grateful for the sun.
5. I am grateful for being able to live in the US.
6. I am grateful for not having any endometriosis pain for a couple of months.
7. I am grateful for my job and the opportunities it provides.
8. I am grateful for the concept of adoption.
9. I am grateful for my friends.
10. I am grateful for good food.
Obviously there are more things I am grateful for. But I'll have to think about them in the next days.
On a different note. On Saturday we went out for dinner with friends. When we were in the restaurant, our friends told the waitress that we were just starting the adoption process. She was very nice and supportive and actually disclosed to us that she had given up a baby for adoption seven years ago to a couple of her parents friends. It seems like they didn't need a home study and only had to finalize the adoption via an attorney. That would be a dream to be able to have someone in our lives offer a baby to us. I am also starting to tell people that we are adopting. If this is the way our family will be build, then why lie about it?
Friday, October 26, 2007
Telling my boss
This week I have done something I never seriously considered doing. I told my boss that we were trying to adopt. It was just the right timing I felt. He asked how long I would stay with them before we move (next summer) and I told him that I was hoping to stay until June, July or August. I don't know yet, as it depends on my husbands job.
And then I told him that we were about to start adoption and - if by grace we were chosen as parents by a birthmom - it would be possible that I would have to leave earlier, but I was also hoping to work from home in that case. He sounded surprised and asked whether we couldn't have children naturally and I said it was highly unlikely because of the endometriosis (he knows that I have it, because I needed surgery last year and I told him why). But I also told him that it is a long, long process and we don't know when it might happen. And then we just generally talked about children and the right timing. He doesn't have any children and he regrets it. But the timing seemed never right. It was great to talk to him about it and I think it has brought us closer. I really like my boss. At least he will understand if I have to quit (or need holidays) on a short notice if we are matched...
Did you share infertility at work? How did your bosses and colleagues react? I got my first few comments and am very excited about them. It is so nice to get support from other women going through the same struggles and pain.
This week-end we will hopefully take an online class on adoption. Our agency requires that class and two additional classes in their office prior to starting the home study. I hope it will prepare us even better for parenthood. I am willing to do everything I can to be a great parent one day.
We also had an invite for a play-date with the children of some friends. We have done that recently in our house for some friends and their babies and it was a lot of fun. But I don't think like I belong there (yet) so I canceled. One of our friends is pregnant with her fourth (1 child IUI, twins with IVF and now a natural conception) child and I don't really want to see her as it reminds me constantly of my empty womb. The last time the moms were starting to talk about their pregnancies and I just felt left out. I tried to stay positive and not start to cry, but it wasn't easy. A lot of our friends are now planning for their second baby and we still have nothing, except an empty bank account and lots of money spend on infertility treatment with no viable pregnancy.
Have a great week-end everyone!
And then I told him that we were about to start adoption and - if by grace we were chosen as parents by a birthmom - it would be possible that I would have to leave earlier, but I was also hoping to work from home in that case. He sounded surprised and asked whether we couldn't have children naturally and I said it was highly unlikely because of the endometriosis (he knows that I have it, because I needed surgery last year and I told him why). But I also told him that it is a long, long process and we don't know when it might happen. And then we just generally talked about children and the right timing. He doesn't have any children and he regrets it. But the timing seemed never right. It was great to talk to him about it and I think it has brought us closer. I really like my boss. At least he will understand if I have to quit (or need holidays) on a short notice if we are matched...
Did you share infertility at work? How did your bosses and colleagues react? I got my first few comments and am very excited about them. It is so nice to get support from other women going through the same struggles and pain.
This week-end we will hopefully take an online class on adoption. Our agency requires that class and two additional classes in their office prior to starting the home study. I hope it will prepare us even better for parenthood. I am willing to do everything I can to be a great parent one day.
We also had an invite for a play-date with the children of some friends. We have done that recently in our house for some friends and their babies and it was a lot of fun. But I don't think like I belong there (yet) so I canceled. One of our friends is pregnant with her fourth (1 child IUI, twins with IVF and now a natural conception) child and I don't really want to see her as it reminds me constantly of my empty womb. The last time the moms were starting to talk about their pregnancies and I just felt left out. I tried to stay positive and not start to cry, but it wasn't easy. A lot of our friends are now planning for their second baby and we still have nothing, except an empty bank account and lots of money spend on infertility treatment with no viable pregnancy.
Have a great week-end everyone!
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Marching forward...
My blog is called Road to adopt, because I know it is a long road. It is not some short kind of one-way-street, but rather a highway with a lot of traffic and a lot of cars coming and going in both directions. These cars are carrying all the information that is going back and forth. And hopefully one day the road will come to an end and we will reach our goal. But it can take a long time...
We celebrated our wedding anniversary last night by filling out our adoption application. My husband actually suggested it and you can imagine how fast I was running to get it. Normally I am the one that is trying to push him to do things... And he can get really annoyed by it. We disclosed all our information, our health history, our finances, everything... We picked friends to serve as a reference and have to ask a few of them before we can send out our paperwork. We will take an online pre-adoption class this week-end and then two more classes in the next two months. Hopefully by then our home study process can begin. I can't wait for it to happen...
We celebrated our wedding anniversary last night by filling out our adoption application. My husband actually suggested it and you can imagine how fast I was running to get it. Normally I am the one that is trying to push him to do things... And he can get really annoyed by it. We disclosed all our information, our health history, our finances, everything... We picked friends to serve as a reference and have to ask a few of them before we can send out our paperwork. We will take an online pre-adoption class this week-end and then two more classes in the next two months. Hopefully by then our home study process can begin. I can't wait for it to happen...
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Our struggle with infertility
After years of struggling with infertility, many failed infertility treatments, and two miscarriages this year we have decided to follow the road to adoption. While we are aware that this is not going to be easy, we know deep in our heart that our desire to be parents is stronger than our wish to have biological children.
Thank you for reading this blog. If you are pregnant and considering to give your child into adoption, please contact us. It would be a dream come true.
Thank you for reading this blog. If you are pregnant and considering to give your child into adoption, please contact us. It would be a dream come true.
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