Attention: more frustration ahead!

I am warning you: another frustrated blog is about to start.

All the staring at the phone hasn't helped. The social worker still hasn't called. I called the agency again to ask what was up and the lady told me that the social worker told her this morning that she was going to call us tomorrow. If she doesn't even have the time for a phone call, how will she be able to do our home study?

Of course, tomorrow will be a busy day in the office and I might not even be able to take her call. I wonder if our first meeting will be next week or whether she won't have time for us before I return from Europe.

I am flying to Belgium next week for some work meeting. Then I get to see my friends and family. I am very excited to see them.

The leftover 10 percent and other ramblings

I had a node on my thyroid ten years ago and they removed 90% of my thyroid. It doesn't conflict with my life. I take a daily dose of Levothyroxine haven't had any problems any more. But I need to have it checked out regularly. And I have been bad with checkups since moving to the US.

In Europe I had my whole support system and infrastructure of doctors, hairdressers, nail places, dry cleaners, etc. set up. But it takes a long time to build such a support infrastructure in a new place. It is not easy to do this in a new country with a whole new system of health insurance in addition. So I avoided to go to any doctor. Of course only until I met my RE. I never avoided going there. I think I spent more time with my RE in the last two years than with my family.

In July of last year I finally went to see a doctor to have my thyroid checked out. I even had to schedule an extra ultrasound because they couldn't do it on the same day. After the ultrasound I called the doctor's office a couple of days later for the results. The woman said the doctor was gonna call me back soon. I didn't hear from them after that and assumed everything was fine. To make a long story short. Yesterday (!) after six months I receive this call from the doctor. I guess she must have had a long list of calls before ours that it took her six months to call me back. She told me that I should have called her for the results. I told her that I had called and never heard from her. It looks like I have another node on my thyroid. How can this poor 10% leftover thyroid produce another node? I don't understand how this is even possible. So I need to go in again to have it checked out again. If this little sucker is not being nice, we might have to cut out the leftover as well. Who needs a thyroid anyway?

I recently stumbled upon this and wanted to share it with you. I hope that they will be really quick in pushing this forward. If the success rates are as high as IVF it would be a fantastic alternative for couples dealing with infertility.

I am starting to get frustrated with the social worker before I have even met her. She still hasn't called us yet. I mean, it has been a week from the time that I dropped off the check in my lunch break. A whole week. It might not be a lot of time in her world, but in my little infertile, scared mind, it is a freaking long time. I wanted to have my first meeting with her last weekend. And now 7 days or 168 hours or 10080 minutes or 604800 seconds later I am still sitting here, staring at my cell phone and waiting for her call. On some of the blogs I read it sounds like they meet the social worker before they even do the paperwork and work parallel on the paperwork as they are proceeding with the home study and the interviews.

At least I received the information on the "Dear Birth Parents" letter and the Scrapbook. What do you write to people you have never met who might be able to give you the greatest gift of your lifetime?

The Vancouver Sun is publishing a series of articles on a couple doing IVF. I wish there would be more articles about it and more TV coverage on it so that people would be more educated about it...

We are pretty open about it and our friends know of our infertility. Most of our friends have been super supportive and I don't know what I would have done without them. But we also know people who are suffering alone. It pains me that they are trying to go through all the pain and heartbreak by themselves without sharing their tears with their friends. I don't even remember how often I have cried in front of a friend because of all this pain.

The support from this online community and my fellow bloggers has been incredible as well. Many of them have become friends in real life and I am so blessed to live in the D.C. area. The DC Stirrup Queens are a great group and I can't wait to read their news on their blogs. We laugh and cry together and we celebrate everyone of us that is getting ready to say goodbye to infertile island.

Why are some people so open about it and others want to bury their infertility deep inside for no one to see? We all need support in one way or another and it is so good to know that we are not alone in our pain. Sometimes it even helps to put my own pain in perspective. When I read about Shannon who has just lost her precious little twins Lennox and Zoe, I am at a loss of words. How can I complain and bitch about everything if I read about their struggles? How can I care whether the social worker calls today, tomorrow, or next week? I am so blessed with so many things in my life. I have a wonderful supportive husband. I don't have serious health issues. I have a job and a house. Life is not so bad after all. I only need to change my attitude and fill the glass half. And look at it that way. The glass is half full, not half empty!

I really hope that maybe one day I will be able to help someone with the pain and experiences we have been trough. Then at least it would not have been useless.

I need to move on...

I just came off the phone with the adoption agency. Of course the social worker hasn't called us yet. So I called them. I also had sent them an email which she hasn't received. She will send me the information material for our profile so that we can start working on this at least. Something needs to be moving... I hope to work on the profile and scrapbook and Dear Birth parents letter this week-end.

She was really nice and told me that she will call our social worker and tell her to get going. Because the social workers work as contractors, she can't give me their phone numbers, but the social worker should give me her phone number once she calls.

I also talked with her about my fears about not being matched before we move. She said that I should ask the agency whether they have worked with military families before. Obviously the embassy can do the post-placement visits. That would be fantastic. That would be awesome!!! Now I only hope that someone will see the opportunities for our children and not the difficulties in us moving every couple of years.

I talked to my hubby about me contacting the agency last week. He told me that if I get frustrated with something or someone, it sometimes turns into aggression. He is right about that. I hate to admit it. But that is exactly how I felt last week. I sometimes get really aggressive at things and people. I don't really do anything to them, but I get so mad inside. It is a side that I don't like at all about me.

It is a long story, but when I first came to the US, I worked at a terrible place. I had been an office chief before and had people working for me. Then I came here and started working for a micro-managing boss. It was the worst workplace ever.

That is when I started having problems with endometriosis which I had never had before. This is why I blame my former boss and his wife for part of our fertility struggles. When I had the surgery to remove the cyst in April of 2006 and another cyst in May, I realized that this was my body telling me something. That I needed to find a new job and get out of there. Which I did, but they still are on my mind quite often when I think back or when I hear from other people about them. Terrible stories about their management skills. I realized that they still have a lot of power over me if I don't stop thinking about them in that negative way. I need to forgive them to move on with my life. But it is so hard. I prayed for them last week-end. I hope to continue to do so in the future. I hope to be able to forgive them one day.

Fortunately I found a new job after nine months, where I have a great boss and nice colleagues. So this is resolved. And I fortunately have the endometriosis under control with my medication. The only thing I haven't resolved yet, is my infertility. It is on my mind day in and day out. I think about it all the time. I hope one day, I can resolve that as well and just move on with my life.

Take action now, Virginia!!!

Dear Fellow Virginia Resident,

Infertility Insurance Coverage for Virginia residents: Take Action Now!

Senator Patsy Ticer (D-30) introduced Virginia Senate Bill 631 on January 9, 2008. This legislation would require health insurers, health maintenance organizations, and corporations providing accident and sickness subscription contracts to provide coverage for the treatment of infertility.

Testimony for this bill will be heard before the Senate Labor and Commerce Committee on Monday, January 28, 2008. We need your voice! Please call and email the committee members and ask them to support SB631. If you are a constituent of one of the committee members, it is especially important that you make sure that he or she knows.

Click here to access RESOLVE's online Advocacy Alert system and send a letter to the Senators listed below immediately!

There are 7.3 million men and women that suffer from infertility in the US. More than 162,000 of those couples live in Virginia. Please help us make sure that Virginians have coverage for this disease and access to cost-effective and appropriate medical treatment. Send your letter and Take Action Now!

Thank you!
Barbara Collura
Executive Director and Resident of Virginia since 1993

Senator Richard L. Saslaw (Chair)(D) -
Senate District 35
General Assembly Building, Room 613
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7535
email: district35@sov.state.va.us

Senator Charles J. Colgan(D) - S
enate District 29
General Assembly Building, Room 317
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7537
email: district29@sov.state.va.us
10677 Aviation Lane
Manassas, Virginia 20110-2701
(703) 368-0300

Senator Yvonne B. Miller(D) -
Senate District 5
General Assembly Building, Room 315
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7505
email: district05@sov.state.va.us
P.O. Box 452
Norfolk, Virginia 23501
(757) 627-4212

Senator William C. Wampler, Jr.(R) -
Senate District 40
General Assembly Building, Room 301
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7540
email: district40@sov.state.va.us
510 Cumberland Street
Suite 308
Bristol, Virginia 24201-4387
(276) 669-7515

Senator Thomas K. Norment, Jr.(R) -
Senate District 3
General Assembly Building, Room 427
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7503
email: district03@sov.state.va.us
P.O. Box 6205
Williamsburg, Virginia 23188
(757) 259-7810

Senator Walter A. Stosch(R) -
Senate District 12
General Assembly Building, Room 621
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7512
email: district12@sov.state.va.us
nnsbrook Centre
4551 Cox Road
Suite 110
Glen Allen, Virginia 23060-6740
(804) 527-7780

Senator Kenneth W. Stolle(R) -
Senate District 8
General Assembly Building, Room 426
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7508
email: district08@sov.state.va.us2
101 Parks Avenue
Suite 700
Virginia Beach, Virginia 23451
(757) 486-5700

Senator John S. Edwards(D) -
Senate District 21
General Assembly Building, Room 309
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7521
email: district21@sov.state.va.us
P. O. Box 1179
Roanoke, Virginia 24006-1179
(540) 985-8690

Senator John C. Watkins(R) -
Senate District 10
General Assembly Building, Room 331
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7510
email: district10@sov.state.va.us
P.O. Box 159
Midlothian, Virginia 23113-0159
(804) 379-2063

Senator Frank W. Wagner(R) -
Senate District 7
General Assembly Building, Room 312
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7507
email: district07@sov.state.va.us
P.O. Box 68008
Virginia Beach, Virginia 23471
(757) 671-2250

Senator Stephen D. Newman(R) -
Senate District 23
General Assembly Building, Room 303
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7523
email: district23@sov.state.va.us
P.O. Box 480
Forest, Virginia 24551
(434) 385-1065

Senator Phillip P. Puckett(D) -
Senate District 38
General Assembly Building, Room 330
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7538
email: district38@sov.state.va.us
P.O. Box 924
Tazewell, Virginia 24651-0924
(276) 979-8181

Senator Linda T. Puller(D) -
Senate District 36
General Assembly Building, Room 328
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7536
email: district36@sov.state.va.us
P.O. Box 73
Mt. Vernon, Virginia 22121-0073
(703) 765-1150

Senator Mark R. Herring(D) -
Senate District 33
General Assembly Building, Room 322
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7533
email: district33@sov.state.va.us
P.O. Box 6246
Leesburg, Virginia 20178
(804) 730-1026

Senator A. Donald McEachin(D) -
Senate District 9
General Assembly Building, Room 318
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7509
email: district09@sov.state.va.us
4719 Nine Mile Road
Richmond, Virginia 23223
(804) 288-3381

Another day down...

Thank you for all your comments and prayers. They mean a lot to me. Of course I haven't heard from the social worker. Maybe that was to be expected. I had hoped to be able to schedule the first meeting this week-end. I guess that is not happening.

Kathy from So these are the days of my life has asked me whether we will be moving to Venezuela permanently or for a short while. Well, it is not permanently, but not for a short while either. We will move there for three years. I know it will be difficult with the whole developments with the government. But I am also excited about being having the opportunity to live in a new country, learning a new language and being exposed to a different culture.

But what I am really terrified of is that we won't be matched before we move. I am wondering whether there is a birth mother that doesn't mind her child moving to another country. Will she see the opportunities of the child speaking three languages? I am - as you can all see from my writing - not a native English speaker and would like to speak my mother tongue to the baby. My husband of course will speak English. And we hope that it will pick up Spanish on the road by playing with other kids.

If we don't get matched before we move, I will be devastated. I don't know what happens then. I mean, we still would have our home study, but would it technically be an international adoption if we are US citizens? I am not yet, but I am working on it. I hope that we will get some clarification during the home study. This is why I am so upset with every day that is passing by unused. I want to get this home study done as fast as possible to have a profile for birth mothers to look at.

I also don't know what happens, if we haven't finalized the adoption before moving overseas. Will we still have to do the three post placement visits required by our state even if we don't live there any more? Can these visits be waived under certain circumstances? Otherwise, I guess, we will have to pay for the Social Worker's trips to South America where she can update our home study or do the post placement visits. Any legal advice out there?

I just sent the agency an email. I am sure now I made it on their most hated clients list. Maybe they can send me already the information on the "Dear Birthmother Letter" and the dreaded "Scrapbook". I have never scrapbooked in my life and have no experience with this. So I am sure it will take me longer than the experienced Scrapbooker. The Director of Domestic Programs mentioned to us at our meeting that there is a possibility to do it online. I guess that is more my kind of scrapbooking. And I still have two weeks before I am traveling and could use this time in a meaningful way.

The waiting game...

Sorry for not updating you. I ended up hand-delivering the check to the lady in the adoption agency. So I took the metro in my lunch break and walked a couple of blocks. I thought she might not appreciate my effort and that I maybe should have called to announce it. But I only wanted to drop of the check, so I figured it would only take a second. I walked in the agency and asked for my case worker. The lady at the reception told me she was on the phone. But then she slipped her a note and my case worker came out. We talked for a short time and I handed her the check. DONE. Another thing to cross of the list. I also asked her, how long it is going to take until we hear from the social worker. She said I should call her, if I haven't heard from the social worker by Tuesday. That means, we are in the waiting game - again.

It feels like I spent the last 10 years of my life waiting.

First I was waiting for the right husband. Which took a freaking long time! We finally met in July of 2003. I was 29 at that time. That is when it all started. After I was sure he was the right man for me, I was waiting. For his proposal. It happened pretty quick in June of 2004.

After our wedding in October of 2004, I was waiting for our church wedding until trying to conceive. Well, actually my husband did. We disagreed on it, but because marriage is about compromise, I was willing to wait. Then after the church wedding in July of 2005, I was waiting for conception to take place naturally. That didn't happen. Instead I got a cyst in December of 2005. Then I was waiting for the cyst to disappear by its own. Of course that didn't happen, so I was waiting for the surgery in April of 2005. After the surgery, we had decided to try to conceive on our own for a couple of months. So I was waiting again. Then I had another cyst in May of 2006. We tried to get that under control with Lupron and I waiting for my temporary menopause to be over. Then that didn't work. So I was waiting again. For my next surgery.

After the surgery in October of 2006, I was waiting for my health insurance to start in January of 2007. You guess right, that didn't happen. The insurance screwed up, so I had to wait until February 2007. Then we finally started the first IVF cycle. I had to wait for the medications to work. I had to wait for the retrieval. I had to wait for the transfer. Then I was in the two-week-wait for the result in March of 2007. When the cycle failed and we had our first bitter negative, I wanted to wait a month before starting another cycle. Then we conceived naturally and I had to wait for more blood results. When they confirmed an impending miscarriage in April 2007, I had to wait again. For the miscarriage to take place. After the miscarriage, I was waiting for another cycle to start in May 2007. When we finally were ready for that, I had to wait for more medications to work, another retrieval and transfer and for another negative after two weeks. After that, we decided to start an immediate new cycle in June of 2007. Another wait for more medications to work, another retrieval and transfer and for a low positive beta after the two week wait. Then we waited for more blood tests. And for a rising beta. Which happened first. Then we waited for another blood test and received a falling beta. So we had to wait again. For another miscarriage to take place in July of 2007.

After that, we decided to move on to adoption. So we waited. First for the information material to arrive in our mail box. Then for the information meeting to take place. Then we finally decided on an agency. Then we filled out the application in October of 2007. And we waited for the pre-adoption group to take place in December of 2007. We waited for the intake meeting at the agency. They wouldn't want to let us come in while in fertility treatment. Parallel we did a last try in assisted conception - an IUI cycle. So we waited for the medications to work again. For the IUI. Another two week wait. For nothing. Then I waited for the day three blood work to come back. With a FSH level, that indicated that we needed to wait. AGAIN.

Then we waited for the intake meeting at the agency to be scheduled. Then we waited for all our paperwork to be completed. Then for our reference letters and our FBI clearances. Then we were waiting to be matched with a social worker. And now we are waiting for her to call.

Is anybody with me here that I have done my fair share of waiting? I am Mrs. Inpatient. I want things to happen. Now. I don't want to wait until she decides she has some time to finally think about calling us. Maybe next week...

If you believe in God and you pray: Please pray for the social worker to call soon. Please pray for our baby which may be growing inside another woman's womb somewhere in this country at this moment. Please pray for his/her mother and her health. And last, but not least: Please pray for patience for me.

We finally got assigned a social worker!!!

First of all, let me tell you about our week-end. Picked up hubby on Friday with a three course candlelight dinner waiting for him. I made him put a blindfold on his eyes. He got sick in the car. Not exactly the reaction I had hoped for... I didn't tell him where we were going and drove around our neighborhood a little to distract him. He still knew for some reason that we were home. I didn't want him to see that I had finally gotten rid of our Christmas tree who had been sadly waiting to be emptied of all the Christmas ornaments and candles for a couple of week now. Hubby is always busy and never seems to have time to do it. And I was just sick of seeing the tree standing there and ended up doing it alone. I ended up asking one of our neighbors to carry the tree down our stairs for me. Which he did.

On Saturday, we sorted through some papers. I finally managed to clean out our guest bedroom/hopefully future nursery. On Sunday I went food shopping and got our mail. Hubby finished some projects in the house like putting up an ipod radio we have received from his brother and sister in law for Christmas. No, not last Christmas. Christmas of 2006!!! And yesterday we went skiing. We drove all the way to Pennsylvania for a little snow. And had a fantastic time. Skiing is the only sport where I am actually better than hubby. We didn't go skiing for the last three years, so that was a special treat, even if it was just for one day.

And today, I called the adoption agency again. I am sure I made it already on their "the most annoying clients we have ever had" list.

I haven't shared this with you yet, but last week when I called again to find out what was happening and why we were not making any progress they told me that our reference letters had to arrive first. I thought we were waiting for the FBI clearances, but it turns out that none of our reference letters had made it back to the agency yet. And before they didn't have those they couldn't assign us to a social worker. I didn't understand how this was possible as our friends had told us they were taking care of it. Great! I ended up sending an email out to all of our references and calling in addition to make sure that they understood which priority this had for us. And that they were holding up our journey to parenthood.

It seems to have worked because when I called today, the lady actually told me the name of our social worker. But we first have to mail in the check of $1500 before she can contact us. Great. I could have done this last week if they would have told me. I find it frustrating that they don't tell me this things before so that I can go ahead and do everything from our side to advance this process. I will be traveling to Europe in February for two weeks and I would like to have done as much as possible before then. I don't want to waste time. We don't have any time to waste.

And there is still this nagging fear that we won't be successful to adopt before we leave the country. It is kind of hard to explain to a birth mother why she should give us her baby if we will take it out of the country in a couple of months...

I don't know what happens then.