This morning I think I had the most embarrassing moment at my RE's office. I think I mentioned in a previous post, that everybody is just sitting there and nobody talks. Well today, that certainly changed. When I was signing in, I heard the nurse call a woman with a name that I know. I don't really know her very well, but she is one of my husband's colleagues and I have seen her on several occasions. So I decided to say "Hi" to her. The conservation went something along the lines of:
Me: "Hi, I didn't know you were coming here, too."
She: "How are things?"
At that point I thought she was referring to being at the doctor's office.
Me: "Oh the usual. Endometriosis and stuff. How about you?"
She: "Oh work has been pretty busy lately. And I had a great Thanksgiving." Then the conversation was about work and stuff until I was called in for my bloodwork.
I felt completely embarrassed and awkward that I had shared with her information about what was going on with us and she completely ignored it and went on to talk about work. I mean, she is sitting in an RE's office waiting room. It is pretty obvious that she is there for a reason. I believe she is single, so maybe she was too embarrassed to talk about it. But hey, we are probably feeling a similar kind of pain about not having kids. Why not support each other? I don't think you can have enough support while you are dealing with infertility. The support that I get from this online community has been great so far. I started to get comments and am always very excited to read them. I am so excited that there seem to be some people that actually read what I am writing. And with my new counter I can even track where they are coming from.
I am also pretty open with our struggles. I mean, I don't share it with everybody that I first meet, but most of our friends are in the loop. Why hide that we have after more than three years of marriage a desire for children?
Yesterday I sent my brother a link to read this blog. He knows about our struggles. Probably he can't really relate to it, as he doesn't seem to have the same deep desire to have children as me. But I don't mind him reading about what is going on in our life. And this way at least he can stay connected a little even if he is so far away. And I really miss him.
Update: My progesterone level was 13,9. They would rather see 15. My doctor wants me to use progesterone twice daily.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Insurance Coverage for Infertility
Today I would like to vent about many insurances not covering infertility treatment. At last year's open season we actually decided to change our health insurance because we wanted one that would cover as much infertility treatment as possible. We picked one that covers 2 IVFs per lifetime with a $6.000 deductible. Well, we maxed that out this year. I was very pleasantly surprised that there is another open season this year, so we will be able to get out of this insurance without having to pay another $6.000 deductible next year. So we will. Any ideas on great health insurances (that cover tons of IUIs, IVFs, etc.)?
I also don't understand why the health insurance infertility coverage is in the responsibility of the state you live in. I guess, we picked the wrong state when we moved here, then.
I feel like my infertility is a handicap. Because my body denies me of the ability to have biological children. Why don't I have the same right to children like anybody else that doesn't have problems conceiving? Doesn't this discriminate me and all my fellow infertiles?
Most cost estimates for insurance coverage for infertility treatment range from an additional $1 to $3 per member per month. I mean, we are also all paying for the people that destroy their body with smoking or abuse alcohol or drugs. I have never been a smoker, I don't do drugs, I only have a drink maybe once every two weeks. And I get punished because I have a medical condition that isn't recognized as worthy of being covered? Why is smoking, drug abuse and alcoholism worthy then?
In June of 2007 the H.R. 2892: Family Building Act of 2007 has been introduced to Congress. I just did some research. The act has only 8 Co-Sponsors (very sad if you look at the size of Congress). The current status is:
06/27/2007: Referred to House Armed Services
06/27/2007: Referred to House Education and Labor
06/27/2007: Referred to House Energy and Commerce
06/27/2007: Referred to House Oversight and Government Reform
06/27/2007: Referred to the Committee on Energy and Commerce, and in addition to the Committees on Education and Labor, Oversight and Government Reform, and Armed Services, for a period to be subsequently determined by the Speaker, in each case for consideration of such provisions as fall within the jurisdiction of the committee concerned.
09/11/2007: Referred to the Subcommittee on Health, Employment, Labor, and Pensions.
Committee/Subcommittee Activity:
Energy and Commerce: Referral, In Committee
Armed Services: Referral, In Committee
Health: Referral
Let's hope they move that Act along very quick!!! Maybe you can write to your Congress(wo)man and ask them to support the Act (and have all your family and friends do the same). On the Resolve Homepage you can find out whether your state provides infertility coverage. Most of my infertile fellows know all of this information anyway. But there is also a possibility to write to your State Representatives and mandate they support coverage.
And we will go ahead and change our health insurance - again.
I also don't understand why the health insurance infertility coverage is in the responsibility of the state you live in. I guess, we picked the wrong state when we moved here, then.
I feel like my infertility is a handicap. Because my body denies me of the ability to have biological children. Why don't I have the same right to children like anybody else that doesn't have problems conceiving? Doesn't this discriminate me and all my fellow infertiles?
Most cost estimates for insurance coverage for infertility treatment range from an additional $1 to $3 per member per month. I mean, we are also all paying for the people that destroy their body with smoking or abuse alcohol or drugs. I have never been a smoker, I don't do drugs, I only have a drink maybe once every two weeks. And I get punished because I have a medical condition that isn't recognized as worthy of being covered? Why is smoking, drug abuse and alcoholism worthy then?
In June of 2007 the H.R. 2892: Family Building Act of 2007 has been introduced to Congress. I just did some research. The act has only 8 Co-Sponsors (very sad if you look at the size of Congress). The current status is:
06/27/2007: Referred to House Armed Services
06/27/2007: Referred to House Education and Labor
06/27/2007: Referred to House Energy and Commerce
06/27/2007: Referred to House Oversight and Government Reform
06/27/2007: Referred to the Committee on Energy and Commerce, and in addition to the Committees on Education and Labor, Oversight and Government Reform, and Armed Services, for a period to be subsequently determined by the Speaker, in each case for consideration of such provisions as fall within the jurisdiction of the committee concerned.
09/11/2007: Referred to the Subcommittee on Health, Employment, Labor, and Pensions.
Committee/Subcommittee Activity:
Energy and Commerce: Referral, In Committee
Armed Services: Referral, In Committee
Health: Referral
Let's hope they move that Act along very quick!!! Maybe you can write to your Congress(wo)man and ask them to support the Act (and have all your family and friends do the same). On the Resolve Homepage you can find out whether your state provides infertility coverage. Most of my infertile fellows know all of this information anyway. But there is also a possibility to write to your State Representatives and mandate they support coverage.
And we will go ahead and change our health insurance - again.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
4 dpIUI
Sorry, I haven't been blogging for a couple of days. I have started to get my usual crazy 2 WW symptoms. I am questioning with every twinge whether it has worked or not. I really didn't want to get my hopes up this time. The health insurance covers it and we have maxed out our deductible for this year. So we decided on this IUI cycle. But now we have to wait for the outcome until we can go ahead with the adoption process. And that sucks. I'd rather go ahead as I don't really expect this IUI to end up in a pregnancy.
I have to go in my doctor's office on Friday for a blood test to figure out whether my progesterone levels might be too low. I guess it still will be to early for an HCG test. But when is the day for that? Hopefully I will find out on Friday.
Last Friday one of our friends gave birth to her fourth child. She has only one tube, so they had their first child through IUI. Then she had twins via IVF two years ago. Her husband had to go to Iraq for a year and when he came home for a short break in March, she got pregnant naturally. She is already 40. They didn't expect this at all to happen and she was really in a shock at first. They have been married for about 12 years and have never used birth control. God really works in miraculous ways.
Another common friend called me on Sunday to ask whether I had a hospital number for our friend. We chatted a while and then she went on about how she delivered her baby. I know that she had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and they had some difficulties to get pregnant. But she freaking has a baby. And she just continued about births and stuff.
I was really shocked about her insensitivity as it was not the first time she did something like that to me. Doesn't she realize that I might never experience a baby moving and growing inside me and to give birth to a baby myself??? She knows about our troubles and our miscarriages. And then when we met a couple of months ago (about a month after my last miscarriage) she asked me at a Happy Hour: So when are you getting ready to get pregnant? I couldn't believe it. Is she missing a sensitivity gen? She has gone trough some infertility issues herself, doesn't she understand how much it hurts to have people ask you such stupid questions?
On a different note: we finally decided to finish our basement. And this week the contractor started to work. It is always a surprise to come home and see the progress. Unfortunately the first day they had put the drywall in front of our closet with shoes and jackets. So yesterday I didn't have access to them. Fortunately they have put the drywall on the other side of the wall now. My dh had the idea to document the progress via video camera. A great idea. So yesterday I was the special reporter from our basement while a Sprite bottle served as my microphone... I love my husband because we can have so much fun together.
Last night I made an instant package of tabbouleh salad (which tasted surprisingly good!) with a ham topped with onions and cheese crusted Brussels sprout. I love to cook and try out new things... I don't like processed food, so most of our meals are home-cooked.
And I desperately feel like I need to drag my little ass back to the gym. I haven't been in weeks. I just have a hard time motivating myself once I am home in my cozy house and laying comfortably on the couch....
I have to go in my doctor's office on Friday for a blood test to figure out whether my progesterone levels might be too low. I guess it still will be to early for an HCG test. But when is the day for that? Hopefully I will find out on Friday.
Last Friday one of our friends gave birth to her fourth child. She has only one tube, so they had their first child through IUI. Then she had twins via IVF two years ago. Her husband had to go to Iraq for a year and when he came home for a short break in March, she got pregnant naturally. She is already 40. They didn't expect this at all to happen and she was really in a shock at first. They have been married for about 12 years and have never used birth control. God really works in miraculous ways.
Another common friend called me on Sunday to ask whether I had a hospital number for our friend. We chatted a while and then she went on about how she delivered her baby. I know that she had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and they had some difficulties to get pregnant. But she freaking has a baby. And she just continued about births and stuff.
I was really shocked about her insensitivity as it was not the first time she did something like that to me. Doesn't she realize that I might never experience a baby moving and growing inside me and to give birth to a baby myself??? She knows about our troubles and our miscarriages. And then when we met a couple of months ago (about a month after my last miscarriage) she asked me at a Happy Hour: So when are you getting ready to get pregnant? I couldn't believe it. Is she missing a sensitivity gen? She has gone trough some infertility issues herself, doesn't she understand how much it hurts to have people ask you such stupid questions?
On a different note: we finally decided to finish our basement. And this week the contractor started to work. It is always a surprise to come home and see the progress. Unfortunately the first day they had put the drywall in front of our closet with shoes and jackets. So yesterday I didn't have access to them. Fortunately they have put the drywall on the other side of the wall now. My dh had the idea to document the progress via video camera. A great idea. So yesterday I was the special reporter from our basement while a Sprite bottle served as my microphone... I love my husband because we can have so much fun together.
Last night I made an instant package of tabbouleh salad (which tasted surprisingly good!) with a ham topped with onions and cheese crusted Brussels sprout. I love to cook and try out new things... I don't like processed food, so most of our meals are home-cooked.
And I desperately feel like I need to drag my little ass back to the gym. I haven't been in weeks. I just have a hard time motivating myself once I am home in my cozy house and laying comfortably on the couch....
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Meet Homer and Noah...
Last night after a fabulous Thanksgiving-Dinner at our neighbor's house (our fourth time of eating turkey since last Saturday) we ended up driving to Old Navy. They had a pretty nice sale and so dh and I decided to help the economy a little... On our way home we decided to eat Macaroni and Cheese for dinner and dh was going to cook.
When we got home I saw that we had left the light on in the upper floor of our house. But as soon as we entered the house, it was out. Dh was reaching for the light switch downstairs when it happened so I told him it was his responsibility that the whole neighborhood was without power. I guess he must have felt guilty because he called the power company to report the outage. They said it was going to take until about 11:30 p.m. at night. No Macaroni and Cheese then. We decided to go and grab some sandwiches. But as we were driving through our neighborhood we saw that our friends were home, so we stopped by their house to see whether they were up for dinner. We ended up having a really nice dinner at my favorite Japanese restaurant with them.
This morning we went to church. Unfortunately I was really distracted during the service. Our church meets in a movie theater in Union Station and does a lot of outreach to the homeless. While we were waiting for the service to begin, a homeless girl came in and sat in the row in front of us. She had a really bad smell of urine around her and I got nearly nauseous. I ended up moving two seats to sit a little further from her. Then another homeless woman in our row fell asleep during the service and snored. She actually snored so loud that everybody could hear it. They woke her up several times, but she continued to snore really loud. In the end they made her leave. She came back later with a coffee in her hand so I guess they just bought her coffee.
When we got home, I packed up some of the great Thanksgiving Dinner from Thursday, a piece of Mincemeat Pie, and a hot tea and drove it all downtown. There is this homeless guy I walk by every day on my way home from work. He has these eyes that just show that he must be a good person. He is older and always very friendly. I gave him the lunch and we talked for a while. His name is Homer and he has been living on the street on and off for about 20 years. He lives in the park where I see him every day. He asked about my accent and was very friendly. Because he had a coffee already, I gave the tea to a friend of him, Noah, who was so happy to talk to me. He enjoyed it so much, that he didn't want to let me go. I have to say that I feel so blessed by being able to do that. That really made my day.
When we got home I saw that we had left the light on in the upper floor of our house. But as soon as we entered the house, it was out. Dh was reaching for the light switch downstairs when it happened so I told him it was his responsibility that the whole neighborhood was without power. I guess he must have felt guilty because he called the power company to report the outage. They said it was going to take until about 11:30 p.m. at night. No Macaroni and Cheese then. We decided to go and grab some sandwiches. But as we were driving through our neighborhood we saw that our friends were home, so we stopped by their house to see whether they were up for dinner. We ended up having a really nice dinner at my favorite Japanese restaurant with them.
This morning we went to church. Unfortunately I was really distracted during the service. Our church meets in a movie theater in Union Station and does a lot of outreach to the homeless. While we were waiting for the service to begin, a homeless girl came in and sat in the row in front of us. She had a really bad smell of urine around her and I got nearly nauseous. I ended up moving two seats to sit a little further from her. Then another homeless woman in our row fell asleep during the service and snored. She actually snored so loud that everybody could hear it. They woke her up several times, but she continued to snore really loud. In the end they made her leave. She came back later with a coffee in her hand so I guess they just bought her coffee.
When we got home, I packed up some of the great Thanksgiving Dinner from Thursday, a piece of Mincemeat Pie, and a hot tea and drove it all downtown. There is this homeless guy I walk by every day on my way home from work. He has these eyes that just show that he must be a good person. He is older and always very friendly. I gave him the lunch and we talked for a while. His name is Homer and he has been living on the street on and off for about 20 years. He lives in the park where I see him every day. He asked about my accent and was very friendly. Because he had a coffee already, I gave the tea to a friend of him, Noah, who was so happy to talk to me. He enjoyed it so much, that he didn't want to let me go. I have to say that I feel so blessed by being able to do that. That really made my day.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Inseminated
We just came back from our IUI. They were really busy today, mabye because they were closed yesterday for Thanksgiving...
There was a really nice woman in the waiting room and we were smiling at each other several time. I thought she was about my age. But nobody ever talks there or says something to other waiting patients. It is also kind of weird to say: "So what are you waiting for? Are you doing IVF, IUI, or what is your problem?". But I wish I would have talked to her. You can never have enough pals who are going through the same.
I was very impressed with my husbands sperm. Not only did he have 64 Mio., but also a motility of 80%. He always has this kind of a result... Very impressive. The IUI went very smooth. Our doctor was very happy. I asked him whether they can run out again. But he said that would only happen if he had done a very bad job. So I don't worry about using the restroom as I usually do after our IVFs.
I was surprised that I don't have to take progesterone like after the IVFs. The doctor wants me to come in next Friday for a blood test. If my levels are low then, I will start progesterone.
We hope that my hubbies boys are celebrating a nice fertilization party inside me. Wouldn't that be great???
Now I am lying on the couch and enjoy the Tyra Banks Show. Later we are invited for a Thanksgiving dinner at our neighbour's house. That will be our fourth time eating turkey this year and the third day in a row. But I really love turkey... Maybe I need another little snack before that...
There was a really nice woman in the waiting room and we were smiling at each other several time. I thought she was about my age. But nobody ever talks there or says something to other waiting patients. It is also kind of weird to say: "So what are you waiting for? Are you doing IVF, IUI, or what is your problem?". But I wish I would have talked to her. You can never have enough pals who are going through the same.
I was very impressed with my husbands sperm. Not only did he have 64 Mio., but also a motility of 80%. He always has this kind of a result... Very impressive. The IUI went very smooth. Our doctor was very happy. I asked him whether they can run out again. But he said that would only happen if he had done a very bad job. So I don't worry about using the restroom as I usually do after our IVFs.
I was surprised that I don't have to take progesterone like after the IVFs. The doctor wants me to come in next Friday for a blood test. If my levels are low then, I will start progesterone.
We hope that my hubbies boys are celebrating a nice fertilization party inside me. Wouldn't that be great???
Now I am lying on the couch and enjoy the Tyra Banks Show. Later we are invited for a Thanksgiving dinner at our neighbour's house. That will be our fourth time eating turkey this year and the third day in a row. But I really love turkey... Maybe I need another little snack before that...
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Who put my ovaries in the wrong way?
This morning I went to my doctor's office for another bloodwork and a sonogram. The nurse did the sonogram which was very painful. For some reason my ovaries seem to be at strange and unusual places in my body. She asked me whether I had a major surgery where they could have slapped them around. But I didn't. It always takes them forever to find them. The doctor knows me so well that he always ends up finding them really quick. But I guess the nurse is having a harder time. So the question is: who put my ovaries in the wrong way? I for sure, didn't.
The good news is that we are obviously speeding up on this side. The nurse found 3 follicles and thought we could do the trigger shot either today or tomorrow. I didn't ask about the other ones, but the one follicle was already 21 mm. Pretty big. We have been only stimulating for 5 days, which seems like a new record for me. Their office will be closed on Friday, so I assume the IUI will be on Saturday. Which will be fantastic because I don't have to worry about work and my hubby won't have any issues either. Great!!! I thought it was gonna be at the end of next week (day 14 of my cycle or so). So you little follicles inside me. Please grow and bring some nice eggs inside. And PLEASE let them have a good quality... Isn't it amazing how I start getting my hopes up? Despite the fact that the chances are only 15%. But my hubbies boys are great, so I don't have any concern on his side...
I'll probably won't be around as we start our little Thanksgiving holiday this afternoon. So, in case you won't hear from me: Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!!!
The good news is that we are obviously speeding up on this side. The nurse found 3 follicles and thought we could do the trigger shot either today or tomorrow. I didn't ask about the other ones, but the one follicle was already 21 mm. Pretty big. We have been only stimulating for 5 days, which seems like a new record for me. Their office will be closed on Friday, so I assume the IUI will be on Saturday. Which will be fantastic because I don't have to worry about work and my hubby won't have any issues either. Great!!! I thought it was gonna be at the end of next week (day 14 of my cycle or so). So you little follicles inside me. Please grow and bring some nice eggs inside. And PLEASE let them have a good quality... Isn't it amazing how I start getting my hopes up? Despite the fact that the chances are only 15%. But my hubbies boys are great, so I don't have any concern on his side...
I'll probably won't be around as we start our little Thanksgiving holiday this afternoon. So, in case you won't hear from me: Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!!!
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Delay as expected
When I arrived home yesterday the lady from the agency had left a voice message on my cell phone. She apologized for leaving the message in my colleague's voice mail. I told her how it made me feel and told her that I am past my anger that I had in the first moment. It took me a while to calm down on Friday, but now I am over it.
Then I explained our situation to her and explained that we were doing IUI to get rid of our fertility medication and to use the opportunity before we need to fulfill another $4000 deductible next year. I also told her that we have to move next summer and that we really hope to have everything ready before then.
She understood, but she told us again that their policy is that you are not allowed to be in any fertility treatment when you start the adoption process/home study with them... Great! I then asked her about the next pre-adoption class. We wanted to take that in the end of November, but now it turns out that they are doing the next one in December. So we will do that to get ahead. I also told her that we had already done the online class and she was quite impressed... So now I have to wait for the result of the IUI to start the intake meeting and home study. I am sad, but this is how it is. I don't know why their policy is so rigid about this. But I think they want you to have closed that chapter of your life first. Have we really closed it? I don't think so. We haven't completely given up the idea of having a biological child. There is still hope.
My doctor's office called today. After only 4 days on the medication, my estradiol is already at 326. Therefore I need to come in for a sonogram tomorrow. I wish we could have done that today. Now I have another day where I need to get up early to make it in time to work...
Then I explained our situation to her and explained that we were doing IUI to get rid of our fertility medication and to use the opportunity before we need to fulfill another $4000 deductible next year. I also told her that we have to move next summer and that we really hope to have everything ready before then.
She understood, but she told us again that their policy is that you are not allowed to be in any fertility treatment when you start the adoption process/home study with them... Great! I then asked her about the next pre-adoption class. We wanted to take that in the end of November, but now it turns out that they are doing the next one in December. So we will do that to get ahead. I also told her that we had already done the online class and she was quite impressed... So now I have to wait for the result of the IUI to start the intake meeting and home study. I am sad, but this is how it is. I don't know why their policy is so rigid about this. But I think they want you to have closed that chapter of your life first. Have we really closed it? I don't think so. We haven't completely given up the idea of having a biological child. There is still hope.
My doctor's office called today. After only 4 days on the medication, my estradiol is already at 326. Therefore I need to come in for a sonogram tomorrow. I wish we could have done that today. Now I have another day where I need to get up early to make it in time to work...
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