Happy new year to all of you!!! It seems like I have been MIA for quite a while, but we were pretty busy the last week, so I decided to take a break from blogging. But now I am back.
First thing, I want to share, is that my SIL and I finally talked. It turns out there were several misunderstandings on both sides. We made up and I had a great time hanging out with her and our super cute little nephew. We went shopping a lot and went for nice walks. Christmas was really nice. It was pretty special to be able to witness our nephew's first Christmas and everybody was standing around him like paparazzis with cameras while he was sitting under the Christmas tree surrounded by tons of presents. But for him it was the best thing to take his Christmas present and chew on the wrapping paper. Priceless! We also had tons of fantastic food and went out for dinner a lot. The only sad thing was that my FIL found out on Christmas eve that his SIL was not doing very well. She had been fighting cancer for several years and last summer had decided to stop chemotherapy.
My dear hubbi gave me a trip to Charlottesville for Christmas, which was really nice of him. I like this kind of surprises. We left last Friday and drove through the middle of nowhere to get there. We stayed in a nice four star hotel (I didn't bring my bathing suit unfortunately - they had a pool) and on Saturday we went to see Monticello where Jefferson had his home. It was so interesting to learn more about that part of American history. On Saturday night we went ice-skating on the skating ring just outside our hotel. It was actually my first time. I had been rollerblading before, so it was a little easier on me. And it turned out to be lots of fun.
On Sunday we drove back through the Shenandoah National Park. Unfortunately the weather was rainy and foggy and we didn't get to see a lot. But we saw deer grazing on the side of the road and we took some nice pictures of them.
Yesterday I picked up the guardianship agreement from the mail, bought screws at the Home Depot, took our dirty shirts to the laundry and finished some projects around the house. I also repaired our broken kitchen cabinet door. And last night we went out with friends to the Melting Pot. It is one of my favorite restaurants. One friend from Europe that I hadn't seen for two and a half years was visiting his girl-friend here and it was so nice to catch up with him. I worked with him before and he is such a funny guy. I really miss working with him and we laughed a lot.
We went for a walk today and I asked dh whether he wanted to buy any furniture or equipment before we have a referral. We both agree that we don't feel comfortable doing so without having a referral. We agreed that we would put in our home study that we would be willing to adopt one or two children. Twins would be great. We won't know what equipment to buy before we have more information on the baby or babies. We decided that we will just run out to Target once we have a referral. It is starting to think in. 2008 might be the year when we will become parents. Wow!!!
Dh finished his biography and sent it to the agency today. Tomorrow we'll mail the rest of our paper work. And then we'll have to wait. And wait. And wait... Have I told you that patience doesn't belong amongst my best traits?
Showing posts with label adoption paperwork. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption paperwork. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Don't trust the cops
Of course all my venting before the trip was exaggerated. The first day was not so bad after all. We arrived at my BIL's house yesterday around 4:30 p.m. after sitting in traffic for what felt like a real long time. It actually took us about an hour to drive about 5 miles. The HOV lane didn't really help either. While we were overtaking a lot of cars first, cars started to pile up at the end of the HOV lane and of course it took forever.
We went to BIL's house and our nephew was cute as hell. He is not shy with his smiles. My MIL said to dh: "Give him to Yoka, so she can hold him. I can't wait until you get one of your own." This is the thing. She didn't realize how hurtful her comment was for me. She doesn't understand that we don't know when we'll have one of our own. It can take a freaking long time. And I know that she didn't want to hurt me. This is the thing about infertility. People make comments and don't even realize how much it hurts. And infertility makes you so sensitive to every single thing they say.
We went to my FIL's restaurant after that to say hi and ate a little something. We returned to my BIL's house after that and had a really nice evening. SIL made her famous macaroni and cheese and we had a nice conversation. They asked us about the adoption process and how long it was going to take. I wish I knew that. This is the thing: it is an equation with so many unknowns. I wish I knew when we will be done with our home study. I wish I knew when we will be done with our profile. I wish I knew if and when a birthmother might pick us.
The fingerprints are taken. the guardianship agreement is signed, notarized, and in the mail from our friends back to us. But of course it will arrive when we are not home. We'll have to wait until we come home to send it back to the agency.
My MIL brought the missing paperwork from NY for the home study. We mailed the rest of the paperwork on Friday night. When I went to pick up our mail, my driving record had arrived. I put that in the mail as well.
My driving recorded showed that I had a conviction for driving with an unlicensed vehicle. That happened in July. We had just gotten back from Europe and DH had to go down to Houston. I drove him to the airport in his car (it is technically his car because he bought it and my name is not on the title). On my way back home I was stopped by a cop. That was the first time that I was ever stopped in the US and I was pretty shocked. Virginia had just introduced the new law for reckless driving. I didn't think I had been going to fast, but who knows? The cop told me that he had stopped me because our license plates were expired. Great! I didn't even know that they do expire. Here I was, a foreigner sitting in hubbies car not knowing which papers I needed to hand to the cop. I only claim it is our car, if it is convenient. If the car has to go to the shop, it is usually his car. I tried crying. That didn't help. Being blond didn't help either. He was a mean, mean cop. He told me then it was just a paper offense and I shouldn't worry about it. He immediately gave me a court date. I was shocked. In Europe you don't have to go to court for a traffic ticket. The cop made me promise to take care of it the next day. He said if I could prove it to him in court, he would see that he could do for me. Needless to say that I had it all taken care of the next day (while my hubbie was in Houston, he never seems to be around for inconvenient business). I then thought, I will go to court and it will be alright. The cop will help me, he promised me.
I went to the court a couple of weeks later. It was kind of an interesting cultural experience. I had never been to a court in the U.S. before. I looked around for the officer and had asked other officers for him. He was not there. Great. When the judge called me, I went to the front. She asked me whether I was guilty of driving with expired license plates. I said "Yes. But I took care of it the next day." She reduced the fine to $10. I was really relieved. But when I went to pay, I had to pay the administrative fees as well and ended up with $75 less on our bank account. What do we learn from that experience? You can't even trust cops in this country.
DH plans to write his biography while we are down here. And tomorrow, we'll copy his driving record and mail it to the agency. Have I mentioned it was as white as a piece of paper?
Today we drove to the restaurant for breakfast and now it is 2:30 p.m. and we are still here. DH is playing darts with his dad. I know that he needs this time, but I am more or less bored here. I was doing a Soduko earlier and read blogs, but now I am starting to get really, really bored. It is always the same when we come here. We hang out at the restaurant all day and then we go out for dinner. But it is raining anyway, so who cares?
We went to BIL's house and our nephew was cute as hell. He is not shy with his smiles. My MIL said to dh: "Give him to Yoka, so she can hold him. I can't wait until you get one of your own." This is the thing. She didn't realize how hurtful her comment was for me. She doesn't understand that we don't know when we'll have one of our own. It can take a freaking long time. And I know that she didn't want to hurt me. This is the thing about infertility. People make comments and don't even realize how much it hurts. And infertility makes you so sensitive to every single thing they say.
We went to my FIL's restaurant after that to say hi and ate a little something. We returned to my BIL's house after that and had a really nice evening. SIL made her famous macaroni and cheese and we had a nice conversation. They asked us about the adoption process and how long it was going to take. I wish I knew that. This is the thing: it is an equation with so many unknowns. I wish I knew when we will be done with our home study. I wish I knew when we will be done with our profile. I wish I knew if and when a birthmother might pick us.
The fingerprints are taken. the guardianship agreement is signed, notarized, and in the mail from our friends back to us. But of course it will arrive when we are not home. We'll have to wait until we come home to send it back to the agency.
My MIL brought the missing paperwork from NY for the home study. We mailed the rest of the paperwork on Friday night. When I went to pick up our mail, my driving record had arrived. I put that in the mail as well.
My driving recorded showed that I had a conviction for driving with an unlicensed vehicle. That happened in July. We had just gotten back from Europe and DH had to go down to Houston. I drove him to the airport in his car (it is technically his car because he bought it and my name is not on the title). On my way back home I was stopped by a cop. That was the first time that I was ever stopped in the US and I was pretty shocked. Virginia had just introduced the new law for reckless driving. I didn't think I had been going to fast, but who knows? The cop told me that he had stopped me because our license plates were expired. Great! I didn't even know that they do expire. Here I was, a foreigner sitting in hubbies car not knowing which papers I needed to hand to the cop. I only claim it is our car, if it is convenient. If the car has to go to the shop, it is usually his car. I tried crying. That didn't help. Being blond didn't help either. He was a mean, mean cop. He told me then it was just a paper offense and I shouldn't worry about it. He immediately gave me a court date. I was shocked. In Europe you don't have to go to court for a traffic ticket. The cop made me promise to take care of it the next day. He said if I could prove it to him in court, he would see that he could do for me. Needless to say that I had it all taken care of the next day (while my hubbie was in Houston, he never seems to be around for inconvenient business). I then thought, I will go to court and it will be alright. The cop will help me, he promised me.
I went to the court a couple of weeks later. It was kind of an interesting cultural experience. I had never been to a court in the U.S. before. I looked around for the officer and had asked other officers for him. He was not there. Great. When the judge called me, I went to the front. She asked me whether I was guilty of driving with expired license plates. I said "Yes. But I took care of it the next day." She reduced the fine to $10. I was really relieved. But when I went to pay, I had to pay the administrative fees as well and ended up with $75 less on our bank account. What do we learn from that experience? You can't even trust cops in this country.
DH plans to write his biography while we are down here. And tomorrow, we'll copy his driving record and mail it to the agency. Have I mentioned it was as white as a piece of paper?
Today we drove to the restaurant for breakfast and now it is 2:30 p.m. and we are still here. DH is playing darts with his dad. I know that he needs this time, but I am more or less bored here. I was doing a Soduko earlier and read blogs, but now I am starting to get really, really bored. It is always the same when we come here. We hang out at the restaurant all day and then we go out for dinner. But it is raining anyway, so who cares?
Monday, December 17, 2007
Three parties might be one too much...
We had a great week-end. On Friday night we worked on our basement and cleaned out more stuff we want to get rid off. Our friends had planned to do a yard-sale this week-end, but didn't do it. so we might have one ourselves once it gets a little warmer.
On Saturday morning I went to the Leesburg outlet with a friend from Europe who happened to be in town for business to do some Christmas shopping. We had a great time and it was a true pleasure to go shopping with her.
I am not amongst those people who are true shopoholics. I am not able to shop for a full day from morning to evening. I try on some stuff and after a while I get tired and only want to go home. It is hard if your friends do have different shopping habits than yourself. I prefer to go shopping with similar-minded shoppers. We went through the whole mall, but we didn't go into every store. So after about four hours of shopping, we drove back home.
We had invitations to three parties that night. I had told my husband before, that I didn't think we were able to make all three of them. But he was very positive that we would. One of my husbands former colleagues was hosting his traditional Christmas party. We went there, but ended up staying longer than anticipated. They had great food and we all exchanged presents. The second party was in the U-Street Corridor of D.C., a birthday party for a friend. We ended up arriving there around 12:30 a.m. and only stayed half an hour. Then we planned to go to the next party, but I called before and it turns out that they had just finished. So we made only two parties.
Yesterday we met friends for church and brunch and had a good time. In the afternoon I started to bake some Christmas cookies. But I still want to make at least one more batch.
We are still working on the paperwork for the home study. In my lunch break today I went to get my finger prints. You kind of feel like a criminal, but in the end it is all worth it.
Now we only need our medical forms done. My hubbie went this morning to our RE to do the blood work for the HIV test. I don't know whether they might be able to do the TB test there as well. Maybe we'll have to go to another doctor for that.
I copied our financial information, so that is done as well. The written evacuation plan is another thing on our To-Do-list for this week. Does anyone have any experience what needs to be in such a plan?
On Saturday morning I went to the Leesburg outlet with a friend from Europe who happened to be in town for business to do some Christmas shopping. We had a great time and it was a true pleasure to go shopping with her.
I am not amongst those people who are true shopoholics. I am not able to shop for a full day from morning to evening. I try on some stuff and after a while I get tired and only want to go home. It is hard if your friends do have different shopping habits than yourself. I prefer to go shopping with similar-minded shoppers. We went through the whole mall, but we didn't go into every store. So after about four hours of shopping, we drove back home.
We had invitations to three parties that night. I had told my husband before, that I didn't think we were able to make all three of them. But he was very positive that we would. One of my husbands former colleagues was hosting his traditional Christmas party. We went there, but ended up staying longer than anticipated. They had great food and we all exchanged presents. The second party was in the U-Street Corridor of D.C., a birthday party for a friend. We ended up arriving there around 12:30 a.m. and only stayed half an hour. Then we planned to go to the next party, but I called before and it turns out that they had just finished. So we made only two parties.
Yesterday we met friends for church and brunch and had a good time. In the afternoon I started to bake some Christmas cookies. But I still want to make at least one more batch.
We are still working on the paperwork for the home study. In my lunch break today I went to get my finger prints. You kind of feel like a criminal, but in the end it is all worth it.
Now we only need our medical forms done. My hubbie went this morning to our RE to do the blood work for the HIV test. I don't know whether they might be able to do the TB test there as well. Maybe we'll have to go to another doctor for that.
I copied our financial information, so that is done as well. The written evacuation plan is another thing on our To-Do-list for this week. Does anyone have any experience what needs to be in such a plan?
Friday, December 14, 2007
That was pretty easy
Sorry for not updating you guys before, but as you can imagine I was really busy today. The meeting at the adoption agency went very well. We talked to the Director of Domestic Programs. She was super nice and we spent over an hour with her. She asked about our motivation to adopt and about our families and jobs.
And then she gave us the checklist for the paperwork. I always thought it was tons of paperwork and took forever to accomplish. Was I wrong. Don't be scared of the paperwork, people out there. It is not that bad.
We need to finish the home study:
- Individual typed autobiography for each applicant (I have been working on mine last night and today, so done for me, hubby still needs to do his)
- Criminal Clearances (with fingerprints) - we'll do this next week as they only do them from 1:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. (My suggestion to commit a small crime to get them done earlier didn't go so well with my husband)
- Sworn Disclosure Statement - done
- Child Abuse Clearances - done
- Guardianship agreement (this is a tough one. Whom would you give your child in case you die? We have identified some friends who would be perfect - they'll raise our children in a Christian faith and would be able to keep them connected to my family. We asked them, but haven't heard from them yet; they need to fill out the form and notarize it)
- Medical forms completed by physicians (I thought I had done mine already, but the doctor's office can't find anything. Great. Scheduled husband for Monday morning)
- Immunization Form (of course, we'll immunize our children, done)
- Copy of our most recently filed 1040 Federal Income Tax Return (done)
- Employment letter stating current salary, current position & start date on company letterhead (mine is done, waiting for husbands to arrive with mail, was sent out today)
- Financial Information (copy of mortgage, checkings/savings acct., IRA, etc., still to do)
- Copy of marriage certificate - done
- Copy of birth certificates - done
- Copy of certified "life-time" driving record from all states the applicant has resided in the last five years (ordered)
- Signed corporal punishment statement (no, we won't hit our children, done)
- Written plan of evacuation (still to do)
- Fire and Safety inspection self-survey form (done)
Not bad for 24 hours... The lady told us the fastest they ever had was two weeks. We probably won't be able to trump that, but I hope to have everything (except maybe the lifetime driving record that can take up to two weeks) ready by the end of next week, so that we can start with the home study interviews after Xmas. Because their comprehensive program is closed at this point she gave us some out of area agencies to consult. Because we are open to any race, open adoption, etc. she was pretty positive that we might be able to get a baby before we move overseas. Wow! That would be amazing. I am just sitting here and wondering whether our baby is maybe already in another woman's womb. Moving, growing and waiting to be born. I am starting to get excited.
Last night we decorated our Christmas tree. It was a really nice evening as we were listening to Christmas music and getting in the mood. We were both talking about how we had thought last Christmas, that that was the last Christmas we spent as an infertile couple. We had so high hopes that we would be a family by now. Will it still be just the two of us next year? Or will we be able to realize our dream to become a family by then?
And then she gave us the checklist for the paperwork. I always thought it was tons of paperwork and took forever to accomplish. Was I wrong. Don't be scared of the paperwork, people out there. It is not that bad.
We need to finish the home study:
- Individual typed autobiography for each applicant (I have been working on mine last night and today, so done for me, hubby still needs to do his)
- Criminal Clearances (with fingerprints) - we'll do this next week as they only do them from 1:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. (My suggestion to commit a small crime to get them done earlier didn't go so well with my husband)
- Sworn Disclosure Statement - done
- Child Abuse Clearances - done
- Guardianship agreement (this is a tough one. Whom would you give your child in case you die? We have identified some friends who would be perfect - they'll raise our children in a Christian faith and would be able to keep them connected to my family. We asked them, but haven't heard from them yet; they need to fill out the form and notarize it)
- Medical forms completed by physicians (I thought I had done mine already, but the doctor's office can't find anything. Great. Scheduled husband for Monday morning)
- Immunization Form (of course, we'll immunize our children, done)
- Copy of our most recently filed 1040 Federal Income Tax Return (done)
- Employment letter stating current salary, current position & start date on company letterhead (mine is done, waiting for husbands to arrive with mail, was sent out today)
- Financial Information (copy of mortgage, checkings/savings acct., IRA, etc., still to do)
- Copy of marriage certificate - done
- Copy of birth certificates - done
- Copy of certified "life-time" driving record from all states the applicant has resided in the last five years (ordered)
- Signed corporal punishment statement (no, we won't hit our children, done)
- Written plan of evacuation (still to do)
- Fire and Safety inspection self-survey form (done)
Not bad for 24 hours... The lady told us the fastest they ever had was two weeks. We probably won't be able to trump that, but I hope to have everything (except maybe the lifetime driving record that can take up to two weeks) ready by the end of next week, so that we can start with the home study interviews after Xmas. Because their comprehensive program is closed at this point she gave us some out of area agencies to consult. Because we are open to any race, open adoption, etc. she was pretty positive that we might be able to get a baby before we move overseas. Wow! That would be amazing. I am just sitting here and wondering whether our baby is maybe already in another woman's womb. Moving, growing and waiting to be born. I am starting to get excited.
Last night we decorated our Christmas tree. It was a really nice evening as we were listening to Christmas music and getting in the mood. We were both talking about how we had thought last Christmas, that that was the last Christmas we spent as an infertile couple. We had so high hopes that we would be a family by now. Will it still be just the two of us next year? Or will we be able to realize our dream to become a family by then?
Thursday, December 6, 2007
12dpiui - one more day
Another day down. I just called the doctor's office and I can come in for the blood test tomorrow. The last day I didn't really fell anything except some stomach pain and several times a shooting pain. After all IUI has just a 15% chance to work anyway. So I am preparing myself for another negative. I still haven't POAS.
Yesterday we had mail from the adoption agency. They sent us our homework for Saturday, including several articles to read and a questionnaire to fill out. The questions were on the articles and most were pretty easy, just the last two I didn't understand. I'll have to ask my hubby about it... I didn't think we had to do homework for the agency, but I just see it as another step that brings us hopefully closer to our dream of enlarging our family.
Last night we sat down and decided on our future health insurance. We both had a gut feeling that we wanted to change back to Blue Cross/Blue Shield and after some plan comparison this is exactly what we did. They don't pay any infertility treatment, but we won't need that next year as we are focusing primarily on adoption.
The other thing we did last night, was to get our X-mas decoration down from the attic and spread it all over the house. And hopefully this week-end we will go out and buy a Christmas Tree. I am not used to having a tree up weeks before Christmas. In my family we didn't put the tree up before the 24th of December which is also the evening when we celebrated Christ's birth. Most of the time, it was my dad bringing in the tree from outside and my mom decorating it. I didn't really like decorating the tree, but got dragged into it several times. Since my dad had his stroke that tradition has changed and Christmas at home will never be the same. I am scared to go home for Christmas because it used to be such a great night when I was growing up. It was really special. But now it is just another night and not that special any more. I guess I have to realize that I am an adult now and Christmas with my parents will never be the same.
And Christmas is the time of the year when infertility hurts like crazy. Christmas is supposed the feast of the family. For me it is not any more the symbol of joy and life. For me it is symbolized by grief. I have my family far away from me. And everything that is so special about it, is a constant reminder of our infertility. I just want it to be over with so that we can transit to the next year.
What will 2008 bring for us? Apart from another move overseas? Will we have a child to love next Christmas?
I still remember that my RE told me last year: "We gonna make 2007 a great year for you!" And I believed it. And a year later, here we are: more than 15.000 dollars poorer and even after two miscarriages and three IVFs not one step closer to having a baby in our arms.
Yesterday we had mail from the adoption agency. They sent us our homework for Saturday, including several articles to read and a questionnaire to fill out. The questions were on the articles and most were pretty easy, just the last two I didn't understand. I'll have to ask my hubby about it... I didn't think we had to do homework for the agency, but I just see it as another step that brings us hopefully closer to our dream of enlarging our family.
Last night we sat down and decided on our future health insurance. We both had a gut feeling that we wanted to change back to Blue Cross/Blue Shield and after some plan comparison this is exactly what we did. They don't pay any infertility treatment, but we won't need that next year as we are focusing primarily on adoption.
The other thing we did last night, was to get our X-mas decoration down from the attic and spread it all over the house. And hopefully this week-end we will go out and buy a Christmas Tree. I am not used to having a tree up weeks before Christmas. In my family we didn't put the tree up before the 24th of December which is also the evening when we celebrated Christ's birth. Most of the time, it was my dad bringing in the tree from outside and my mom decorating it. I didn't really like decorating the tree, but got dragged into it several times. Since my dad had his stroke that tradition has changed and Christmas at home will never be the same. I am scared to go home for Christmas because it used to be such a great night when I was growing up. It was really special. But now it is just another night and not that special any more. I guess I have to realize that I am an adult now and Christmas with my parents will never be the same.
And Christmas is the time of the year when infertility hurts like crazy. Christmas is supposed the feast of the family. For me it is not any more the symbol of joy and life. For me it is symbolized by grief. I have my family far away from me. And everything that is so special about it, is a constant reminder of our infertility. I just want it to be over with so that we can transit to the next year.
What will 2008 bring for us? Apart from another move overseas? Will we have a child to love next Christmas?
I still remember that my RE told me last year: "We gonna make 2007 a great year for you!" And I believed it. And a year later, here we are: more than 15.000 dollars poorer and even after two miscarriages and three IVFs not one step closer to having a baby in our arms.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Hope crushed!
I just got a call from my RE's office. The blood test I did this morning was a BFN. Again. I am on cycle day 29 today and my temperature has been up the whole time. I was so hopeful that it might have worked naturally. I didn't really have any signs of early pregnancy, but I had to pee - a lot. And so I got my hopes up. With the rising temperature. A little more, every day. And now I feel like my hopes have been crushed again.
Katie, a fellow blogger, has described in her blog "Taking the statistical bullet" exactly how I feel at this second.
http://takingthestatisticalbullet.blogspot.com/2007/10/nothing-to-see-here.html
(I don't know yet how to link a different blog that I quote to my blog, can anyone help me with this?)
I prayed for a long time this morning after a couple of months where I didn't really feel connected to god. Probably I was still angry with him and grieving about our losses. How can he let this happen? Why did he plant this strong desire to be a mom inside me if he makes it so hard to fulfill? Will I ever understand his plan for my life?
And I think I am getting weird. I thought I wait with sending out the adoption paperwork (including the check) until after I hear back from my RE's office. And then I had this weird thoughts that when I send it out before, I will be pregnant (and the money will be gone, but who cares) or if I have spent the postage, I will be pregnant. But of course when I was just on my way to the mailbox, my phone rang with the bad news.
Time to send out the adoption paperwork!!! The first step of fulfilling our dream to expand our family!
Katie, a fellow blogger, has described in her blog "Taking the statistical bullet" exactly how I feel at this second.
http://takingthestatisticalbullet.blogspot.com/2007/10/nothing-to-see-here.html
(I don't know yet how to link a different blog that I quote to my blog, can anyone help me with this?)
I prayed for a long time this morning after a couple of months where I didn't really feel connected to god. Probably I was still angry with him and grieving about our losses. How can he let this happen? Why did he plant this strong desire to be a mom inside me if he makes it so hard to fulfill? Will I ever understand his plan for my life?
And I think I am getting weird. I thought I wait with sending out the adoption paperwork (including the check) until after I hear back from my RE's office. And then I had this weird thoughts that when I send it out before, I will be pregnant (and the money will be gone, but who cares) or if I have spent the postage, I will be pregnant. But of course when I was just on my way to the mailbox, my phone rang with the bad news.
Time to send out the adoption paperwork!!! The first step of fulfilling our dream to expand our family!
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